I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture... But when I got home, the tables were turned
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
What do you do with a wardrobe door that is slightly ajar?
You clothes it.
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the heck is my roof ?
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
I think a couch can endure many things, but if you take off its cushions, it would make it uncomfortable.
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
I couldn't chair less!
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.