What is the perfect day to go to the beach?
Sun-day!
What kind of ice cream does Dracula eat?
Veinilla.
Why did the donut go to the dentist? It needed a filling!"
Your love will always be up to par.
Where is the Ghost’s bedroom located? Down the Hall-oween.
How many ears does Spok have?
Three. The left ear, the right ear and The Final Frontier.
Where do spiders play football?
Webley Stadium.
Why did the students eat their homework?
Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
What do teachers drink at school? Facul-Tea.
The best way to a man's heart is through his stomach."
The surgeon was fired later that day.
Egyptians claimed to have invented the guitar,
But they were such lyres.
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.
What do rodents say when they play bingo? 'Eyes down for a full mouse'!
Apples are red. Grapes are blue. Pineapples are sweet. And so are you.
What is a werewolf’s favorite tree?
A lu-pine.
I just told my family a pun about bees.
It was so good that everyone gave me hive fives.
Did you know you can fit 30 bananas in a kangaroo’s pouch?
Also, I’m not allowed at the zoo anymore.
Mr. Tongue Twister tried to train his tongue to twist and turn, and twit an twat, to learn the letter "T".
Flaked tuna is a great product for both campers, and dolphins
It's truly useful for all in tents, and porpoises.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
What's a coffee's favorite spell? Espresso Patronum.
What’s yellow and swings from cake to cake?
Tarzipan.
What bat was called an invader?
Bat-talina.
When I was learning how to cook soups, my mum asked me to follow my instinct. She asked me to go with the pho.
How do you kill a salad? You go for the carrot-id artery.
Life is brew-tiful!
“Look out for Santa Paws!”
What do you call a parrot that won’t eat?
A Polly-no-meal.
My collection of Swiss watches was stolen in Spain.
Adios Omegas.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite candy?
Lollihops.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
When does a hot dog have a close shave? At the barber-cue!
Local weather reports state there won't be any rain for 1 year, but I drought it.
Sometimes we eat a crow while other times we eat Croatia.
Today, we had to create a new hang position for some lighting fixtures. After all day trying, we couldn't get the new batten hung properly.
Turns out it was just a pipe dream.
5 years ago today I asked my childhood sweetheart, my best friend, and the most beautiful woman in the world to marry me.
All three said No!
I found out my wife is really a ghost.
I had my suspicions the moment she walked through the door.
If you're Russian when you go to the bathroom, and you're Finnish when you come out of it, what are you when you're inside?
European!
What is a cat’s favorite piece of artwork? The paw-trait of Meowna Lisa.
I was asked who my favorite vampire was. I said it was the Muppet from Sesame Street.
They said, he doesn't count!
I replied, "I can assure you, he does!"
Flamingos are known by a different name when they dress up to go out – they call themselves glamingos.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
What's more important, shampoo or conditioner?
Is it the foamer or the lather?
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
I'm giving away a free legless parrot.
No perches necessary.
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
I married my wife for her looks. Just not the ones she been giving me lately.
If there's a will, there's a wave.