I told my wife I wanted to name our son Lance, but she said it was too uncommon so I explained that in medieval times men where named Lance a lot.
It’s going to be awkward if Mr. and Mrs. Burr...
ever lose their son Tim in a forest.
What did Mr. and Mrs. Citrus name their daughter?
Carolime
What did the father buffalo say to his son when he left to school ?
Bison.
I often tell my niece to listen, because hearing is the first thing you lose with aging.
Or was it memory? I can't remember.
I caught my son chewing on an electrical cord...
So I had to ground him. He's conducting himself properly now.
My sister asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall”
I said maybe.
I made my mother's French sister angry
Now she's a cross aunt.
What do you call a baker whose parents are siblings?
Inbred.
For generations every male in my family has made and passed on their dad jokes.
Guess you could call it pop culture.
SIBLING PUNS
Who’s the pimple’s favorite sibling?
His cyst-er.
Are you talking about your aunt on your mom's side, or...
Deodorant?
I know a family of artists but I am not sure how they make so much money...
Very sketchy people.
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti...
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta.
If I ever had identical twin daughters, I'd name the first one Kate....
and the second one Duplikate.
My friend said that he eats more than his brother.
I was more concerned by the fact that he eats his brother.
What did E.T.'s father say to him when he got home?
"Where on Earth have you been?"
My wife said she wants me to consider purchasing a decent telescope for the family to use.
I told her I’d look into it.
My sister prefers taking the stairs, but I always take the elevator. I guess...
we are raised differently.
My father and I were leaving our hotel room in Iraq and he almost forgot his suitcase.
I said "Don’t forget your Baghdad."
My twins give me chills, dehydration, fatigue, fever, loss of appetite, and extreme diarrhea.
Their names are Sam and Ella.
Don’t let your grandparents have daughters.
That’s how you get aunts.
You have your mother in law, father in law, son in law doughter in law but your wife is...
The law
I ordered won ton for my large family today.
2000 lbs of soup goes a long way.
I don’t have Great Expectations for my son.
I got him the other books by Dickens though.
I told my son to go find out what "nada" means in english
But he came back with nothing
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
What do you call Mary J Blige’s accommodating Irish cousin?
Mary O’Blige.
Where do you find the nicest children in the world?
Germany. They're kinder.
What are male twins inside a pregnant woman called?
Em-bro-yos.
What did the father ant said to his son when they moved to france from america?
"Son, we are now Europeants!"
We just bought our new dream house. As I was showing our daughter around for the first time, she asked excitedly, "What's upstairs?" I chuckled and replied, "Sweetie,"
"Stairs don't talk!"
Today, my son asked, “Can I have a bookmark?”
I burst into tears. 12 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.
Dear Mother in law...Don't teach me how to bring up my children...
I'm living with one of yours and she needs a lot of improvement.
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out identity theft is a crime
My father-in-law fell into a giant vat of sliced cabbage.
Now he's my father-in-slaw.
What do you call your sibling’s daughter, who is famous?
Star anise
My communist grandparents hated each other, but still stayed married for more than 60 years.
It was a so-be-it union.
The kids made cards for Mother's Day. I asked for a card as well, but they said I had to wait until Father's Day. I told my boy I had made a card for him, and he could have it the day after tomorrow,
on Sonday.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Did you know Father Time is actually really good at boxing?
Yeah, he can clock you a good one.
A son asked his dad: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"
The dad responded with: "Yes, we arson."
Bruce Lee had a vegan brother,Broco Lee.
A man called his twin brother from prison
“Hey remember when we were kids and use to finish each other’s sentences?”
I was painting my room with my brother...
When I realised. He's not a very good brush.
Twin brothers just had a birthday
One turned twenty. The other turned twenty too.
What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
Go to sweep, dear.
Why do you get less caviar out of a fish with nieces and nephews?
Because it's in a fish aunt.
My wife and I have 3 beautiful children...
And 3 out of 5 ain't bad.
My friend just found out she will be giving birth to twins in 9 months!
For now, they're just cell mates.