Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
Did you hear about the guy who got a metal jaw replacement?
I think he just did it for a tin chin.
My son elbowed me in the mouth during a tickle fight
But that's ok. It was acci-dental.
Have you heard of the hair stylist that refuses to cut hair?
If she won't cut hair to earn a living, she'll certainly dye.
A nose visited its home town.
It was overcome with nostril-gia.
What do you call a giant gorilla with pean u t butter in one ear and Jam in the other?
Anything you want, he's not going to hear you!
My wife, whilst trying to brush my son's hair, told him he was having a bad hair day.
My son replied, "Oh, is it being knotty?"
What do you call a person with a peg nose acting suspicious?
Suspeg.
I saw a movie about a pig with no eyes.
It was PG.
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
She didn’t razor right.
What do you call Bears without ears
B.
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
What do you call an ear with no eyes
No-eyed ear
Bad puns are how eye roll.
My eye doctor’s office is at the shopping mall.
She’s an Opthemallogist.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish
Almost everyone eats corn.
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
My wife made beef stew to clear my stuffed nose...
...bud I don'd dink it was strogonoff.
Not everyone looks good with a wig
But I think you could really pull it off.
Some people think it's okay to wear your mask over your mouth while not covering your nose.
They're mouthbreathers.
My friend keeps joking about the thing he has to wear to cover his mouth while he's exercising outside.
It's a running gag.
"What's with that fruit taped to your mouth?" the doctor asked. "Covid-19 prevention," the patient replied.
"You need a bandana, not a banana!"
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
I told the doctor I was deaf in my left ear he said 'are you sure?'
Then I said 'I'm definite."
We all have that one vegan friend.... I said to mine,"Do you have to mention vegetables every time you open your mouth?"
She said, "Not neccecelery."
I got punched in the mouth by a drug addict today.
Now my jaw’s all methed up.
Rich people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
But polite french people are born with a s'il vous plaît.
What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
Why is the nose in the middle of the face?
Because it's the scenter.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows
What do you call an eye that can fly?
A real eye soar.
How do mountains hear?
with mountaineers.
I've got 4 eyes, 3 legs, 1 tail, and 12 toes. What am I?
A liar.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
A doctor walked into an exam room to see a patient with carrots sticking out his ears and broccoli up his nose.
The doctor said: “I can tell right away that you haven't been eating properly."
What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?
A brush with death
There's a South American country where they have a rare pepper. Instead of being hot when you eat it, it makes your mouth feel cold.
It's called the Chilly Chile Chili.
Why do seals carry fish in their mouth?
Because they don't have pockets.
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot!
There's a serious ear condition that dogs can get, it makes their ears ring all the time.
It's called Rin-Tin-Tinnitus.
Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.
My wife just now: Do men's ears actually work or are they just for decoration?
Me: 'What?'
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
After making love the other night, I told my spouse that I love when the whisper sweet things in my ear...
So my spouse leaned in close and whispered..."Syrup."
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said
"You know, one would have been enough."