Did you hear about the guy who got a metal jaw replacement?
I think he just did it for a tin chin.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
A quadriplegic man became famous playing beautiful piano classics with only his nose, ears, chin, and forehead.
Before going on stage to perform, his tour manager would say, "Alright John. It's time to face the music."
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said
"You know, one would have been enough."
I saw a friend of mine named Ella sit down to eat a fillet of salmon. As she lifted the fork to her mouth I screamed NO DON’T EAT THAT!
When she asked why I responded “you’ll get salmon-Ella!”
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
A man is holding a bee, what is in his eye?
Beauty.
Rich people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
But polite french people are born with a s'il vous plaît.
I tried to warn my son about the dangers of Russian roulette...
It went in one ear and out the other.
I inshtalled my shelf wrong and it fell on top of me, breaking my jaw. Now I shound weird.
I guesh I only have myshelf to blame.
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
What do you call an Amish Man whose hand is in a horse’s mouth?
A mechanic.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
Where are noses made?
At the olfactory.
I saw a movie about a pig with no eyes.
It was PG.
One ear of corn says to the other, “I think I have a stalker.”
The other corn replies, “Thats amaizing! Is he cute?” The ear replies, “No, too husky!”
What do you call a guy with an ear fetish.
Hard for hearing.
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot!
Did you know there is a new horse species with one eye and a horn?
It's called a unicornea.
My hair was acting crazy so I told it to comb down.
I mustache you a question..
but I'll shave it for later.
I saw my neighbor, slumped over his lawnmower, crying his eyes out.
I think he’s going through a rough patch.
Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.
What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
I have six eyes, two mouths and three ears, what am I?
Ugly.
"What's with that fruit taped to your mouth?" the doctor asked. "Covid-19 prevention," the patient replied.
"You need a bandana, not a banana!"
It took me forever to figure out where my mustache went.
Turns out, it was right under my nose the whole time.
Huge explosion at the hair brush factory...
Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far.
Lobe low, dude.
What do you call an ear with no eyes
No-eyed ear
Have you heard of the hair stylist that refuses to cut hair?
If she won't cut hair to earn a living, she'll certainly dye.
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?
Awe shucks!
Why did the kid put the dinky car in his ear?
Because he wanted to give it a wax job.
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
his morning my son said his ear hurt and I asked : on the inside or outside?
So he walks out the front door, comes back in and says "Both."
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
What did Van Gogh name the ear he didn't cut off?
Van Stay.
I've never seen the inside of my ears...
But I've heard good things.
My wife is always telling me I shouldn’t stick Q-tips so far in my ear
At least that’s what I think she was saying.
What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.
Not everyone looks good with a wig
But I think you could really pull it off.