I once had my identity stolen by a cement truck driver. It took me ages to track him down, but now I have concrete evidence.
It’s never great taking a truck driver to the cinema to watch a film. They only really like the trailers.
I have a question for people who take the bus...
Are you supposed to give it back?
How does a car tell you to get out?
‘Get out, or I shall give you the boot.’
My brother has been riding a bicycle since he was 4 years old
Damn he must be very far away by now
did you hear the one about the sheep in car wreck?
it was baaad.
BREAKING NEWS: Vietnam accidentally sank its own submarine killing all 350 on board
Whoops, wrong sub.
In Mexico, truck drivers always keep a wheel of cheese in their cabs. Apparently this is in queso emergencies.
What did the girl say before making a big decision?
‘Do not pressure me.’
Car puns are really tiring
Driving behind an ambulance, I watched a box fall off the back. I checked inside and there was a foot in it, so I decided to call a toe truck.
Why is it so expensive to run a submarine?
It's the depth charges.
I hopped on the bus yesterday afternoon. After a few minutes, the driver asked me to sit down like everyone else
I saw a sign on the bus the other day.
It said "please give this seat to the elderly."
So I ripped it out and took it home for my grandad
The bus driver was so friendly and nice, it was a 'joy ride'!
A car carrying bank robbers and a truck carrying cement collided yesterday. Police are now searching for hardened criminals.
How does a flower propel a bicycle?
It petals!
I got arrested because I left my car at the bar and took the bus home.
It turned out I was in no condition to drive that either.
What the motto of a Boy Scout who got a badge for fixing a bicycle horn?
Beep Repaired!
How do you spot a car made by Apple?
It does not have Windows.
I saw a documentary today about a submarine that recycles 87% of its garbage.
But I believe this sub's doing even better!
Why should you be cautious of a Finnish submarine captain?
He’ll sink ye.
Did you know there were cars in America before Christopher Columbus arrived?
The Cherokees.
What is a car’s favourite fashion accessory?
A clutch bag.
Is the city bus running on time? No, it’s running on diesel.
What do you call a big queue of trucks, making cheesy one-liners? A pick-up line.
A truck full of christmas trees have been stolen.
Police admit they are stumped.
What are police cars made of?
Copper
I have to pay for a bus ticket?
I guess it's only fare
What do they play at the beginning of a car movie?
The trailer.
What is a car’s favourite element?
Carbon.
Anyone who is born in a car and dies outside is known as car born die oxide.
What is the preferred shampoo brand of truck drivers?
Lorry-el
The doctor told me I probably won’t be able to walk again after getting into an accident with a newspaper delivery truck.
I was crushed by the news.
Why did the bus stop in the middle of the street? It saw a zebra crossing.
‪My kid’s toy submarine was having trouble staying under water...‬
‪I hope this will not surface again‬
Why is their ship called 3.14?
Because they are π-rates.
What do you call a square that got into a car accident?
A rect-angle
I hit a crow in my truck one day, and it flew into the next lane and landed on a police car. I was ticketed for flipping the officer the bird.
What happened when the cargo ship full of books sank?
It caused a title wave!
What should you double check when buying an electric car?
That your driving license is current.
Which car does the Mensa student drive?
A Smart car.
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire
My Dad drove a truck for 32 years.
He was terrible with directions.
What’s the difference between a school bus driver and a winter cold? One knows all the stops, and the other stops the nose.
I avoid bike trails after dark. They are full of cycle paths.
What is a car’s favourite sport?
Soc-car.
Why did the bus driver quit his job? It was driving him mad.
I got fired from my job as a submarine pilot.
I just don't get it. My performance reviews always said my work was sub-standard.
Why did the girl break up with the boy?
He was driving her crazy!