What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck!
Who should drive home out of the two friends?
The one who is not tired.
Why should you be cautious of a Finnish submarine captain?
He’ll sink ye.
If you ride your bike twice a day, is that recycling?
A truck carrying thesauruses crashed on a motorway near my house. All the onlookers were startled, shocked, amazed, speechless and dumbfounded.
What did the teacher say when he could not get into his car?
‘Oh no, I have lost my Kias!’
Why do you only drive automatics?
‘I could never find a manual.’
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was too tired..
What do you call a murder where the perp runs away on a bicycle?
A drive bike shooting
I'm gonna quit my job on a submarine
I'm under a lot of pressure
What do you call unwanted revealing comments about a movie?
Spoilers.
How can you tell if a car is from Switzerland?
It remains in neutral.
Do you know why the U.S. Navy always keeps at least two canaries on board each of their submarines?
Because everyone knows that if you have a big sub you also need a good set of tweeters.
A car company tried to make a submarine, but it kept surfacing too quickley
The crew got the Mercedes-Bends
How do you impregnate a submarine?
Fill it with seamen.
What do you call a perfect submarine?
Sub-optimal.
My partner has been having nightmares that he’s a truck. He always wakes up tyred and exhaust-ed.
What should you wear before driving?
The correct gear.
While I was riding my bike, there was a big tropical storm. I decided to cyclone.
I rode my bike so much, I had to put a new set of wheels on it. I was about to put a third set on it, but the old bike didn’t work anymore. which is understandable. The bike was already retired.
What is a car’s preferred TV program?
The Driving Dead.
The librarian's office was on the A level. I asked for a book about submarines.
She told me to look below C level.
Have I given you the tour of my estate yet?
It is a Vauxhall.
I joined the French Submarine Corps to learn how to deal with the loss of a loved one.
They taught me periscoping techniques.
I was driving along the motorway one day when a truck in front of me shed its load of cabbage. Never slaw that coming.
A slat spreading truck knocked me off my bike last year. I yelled “You idiot!” through gritted teeth.
Authorities have been trying to figure out how the Worcestershire sauce truck spilled...
But it's hard to say...
What’s the difference between a school bus driver and a winter cold? One knows all the stops, and the other stops the nose.
My bike chain got rusted. Then my whole bicycle broke down. It was a chain reaction.
We all have a submarine in our heads but we're not supposed to think about it. It's all sub-conscious.
I was selling my bike and an interested buyer asked what’s lowest I’d go.
"About 3 mph," I said, "otherwise I’d tip over."
BREAKING NEWS: Vietnam accidentally sank its own submarine killing all 350 on board
Whoops, wrong sub.
Why did the bus driver laugh? He was having a 'wheely' good time!
What is a car’s favourite band?
Van Halen.
What title did the car have in the Navy?
Rear window Admiral.
Why didn't the bicycle want to go anywhere?
It was two tired.
What do French cars wear as hats?
Bonnets.
Driving behind an ambulance, I watched a box fall off the back. I checked inside and there was a foot in it, so I decided to call a toe truck.
My brother has been riding a bicycle since he was 4 years old
Damn he must be very far away by now
Why was the bus driver so confused? He was 'bus-t' in traffic!
Baby dump trucks have the cutest name – they’re called dumplings.
What do you call a truck towing a smaller truck?
A mother trucker
I'd steer clear of dating a dyslexic bus driver.
Sure, they may take you places, but there'll be mixed signals along the way.
What do you call a guy who only rides children's bicycles?
A pedalphile
A truck full of christmas trees have been stolen.
Police admit they are stumped.
The local motorway has become blocked after a truck shed it's load of brightly coloured writing paper and envelopes.
Police say the traffic is pretty stationery...
How did cars protect themselves during the medieval age?
They would dig an M.O.T. around them.
Ship Captain: Guys, I need help. I don’t remember how to write 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I Captain.
It used to be free to fill up your car tires with air, now it costs $1.25. You know why?
Inflation.
What do you get when you cross a Tambourine with a Submarine?
The Salvation Navy