Being related to me is the best birthday gift you could receive.
You did a grape job raisin me. Happy birthday!
What did the boy without hands get for his birthday?
Nobody knows, he hasn't got the package open yet.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
Nobody showed up to my 16th birthday party,
I congratulated him on his win against Polyphemus and we started the party.
You know you are getting older when the candles don’t fit on the cake.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
Birthday candles don’t exercise because they burn out too quickly!
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
Wedding cake tastes just like Birthday cake
It just takes more commitment.
I just bought my friend a mini fridge for his birthday
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
You’re not 50 years old, you are 20 years old with 30 years of experience!
How do pickles celebrate their birthdays? They relish them.
Why do pieces of popcorn always have great birthdays? Because they’re always popping!
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
For the record, you’re not old, you’re a classic.
What did the Teddy Bear say after blowing out his birthday candles? No cake for me…I’m stuffed
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
What goes up but never comes down? Your age!
For my birthday, my friends gave me a bunch of dirt and sand.
I appreciated the sediment.
Hey shawty, it’s sherbert day.
You are aged to perfection.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
The girls next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday.
But I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
Does a green candle burn longer than a pink candle? No they both burn shorter.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
This whole birthday thing is getting old, don’t you think?
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
Yo momma so fat...
She can't even fit into her Birthday Suit.
Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about
the present, I didn’t get you one.
For my girlfriend's birthday I got her a dwarfish clown who told jokes...
It wasn't a great gift, but she appreciated the jester.
Looking 50 is great! If you’re 60.
I keep telling my wife I want a Segway for my birthday.
But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
What type of music is scary for birthday balloons? Pop music!
More candles means a bigger wish!
You know you’re getting old when…there is nothing left to learn the hard way.
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
Behind every great parent is a great kid. Happy birthday!
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
They say everything gets better with age.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.