I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
What type of music is scary for birthday balloons? Pop music!
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ....
You know, one would have been enough.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about
the present, I didn’t get you one.
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
Does a green candle burn longer than a pink candle? No they both burn shorter.
You are one candle closer to starting a house fire.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
I know birthdays get worse as you get older. But look at the bright side — not too many left now.
Be careful, too many birthdays can kill you!
Remember the one about people queuing up for drinks at Old Faithful's birthday party?
You're not missing much; the punch line blows.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
Birthday candles don’t exercise because they burn out too quickly!
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
For my girlfriend's birthday I got her a dwarfish clown who told jokes...
It wasn't a great gift, but she appreciated the jester.
What goes up but never comes down? Your age!
You feta have a gouda birthday.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
You know you are getting older when the candles don’t fit on the cake.
Yo momma so fat...
She can't even fit into her Birthday Suit.
You did a grape job raisin me. Happy birthday!
They say everything gets better with age.
You know you’re getting old when…there is nothing left to learn the hard way.
How do pickles celebrate their birthdays? They relish them.
I keep telling my wife I want a Segway for my birthday.
But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.
What did the boy without hands get for his birthday?
Nobody knows, he hasn't got the package open yet.
Hey shawty, it’s sherbert day.
You’re not 50 years old, you are 20 years old with 30 years of experience!
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
AYE, MATEY!
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
More candles means a bigger wish!