A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears. "What are you?" asks the cat. "I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?" The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates of Heaven
When a group of politicians walked up.
"Hey Petey, may we come in too Heaven?" asks one jovially.
St. Peter replies "Well, we have never had a group of politicians come in to heaven before, let me ask God."
He then turns around and goes to consult God.
"My lord, there is a group of politicians at the pearly gates of Heaven. Should I let them in?"
God thinks for a moment and says "We have never had politicians in Heaven before. Let's see how it goes. Let them in."
St. Peter leaves God, only to come running back a few minutes later.
"THEY'RE GONE!" He said.
"THE PEARLY GATES!!"
A sphinx was guarding a road when a traveler walked by. The sphinx said to the man, "You may pass if you can answer my riddle: What is wider than an ocean, heavier than a mountain, and unbounded by the laws of physics?" The man thought for a moment and answered, "Imagination." "Wrong," said the Sphinx. "The answer is your mom."
"If you want to pass this point alive, you must answer my riddle: What goes on four legs in the morning, two legs at noon and on three legs in the evening?" the Sphinx asked. Oedipus pondered for a moment, "Probably one of those new Pokemones," he finally replied. "There is like 600 of them. "Fair enough man," spoke the Sphinx. "I can't reasonably expect you to remember all their names. You may pass."