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The bartender asks one of The Beach Boys what they’d like, so he looks back to his friends
“Get a round?” “Round?” “Round?” “I’ll get a round!”
Dear Algebra, stop asking us to find your X, she's not coming back, and no we don't know Y.
A linguistics professor says during a lecture that, "In English, a double negative forms a positive. But in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language in the world can a double positive form a negative." But then a voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."
Heisenberg was speeding down the highway. A cop pulls him over and says "Do you have any idea how fast you were going back there?" Heisenberg says, "No, but I knew where I was."
“Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.”
Robert Benchley
Dog Joke: What do you call a Collie with a mango on it's back?
Mango Lassie.
The Naughty Baby
The Naughty Baby A woman is riding the bus while trying to breastfeed her baby. The baby, however, isn't interested. After several tries, the mother is quite angry. "Drink the milk or I'll give it all to the man sitting at the back!" she says. The baby is still playing around. A few minutes later she tries again, "drink the milk or I'll really give it all to the man at the back, and you'll go hungry!" The baby continues rejecting her. She tries again, very angry this time, "I'm definitely going to give it all to the man at the back if you don't behave!" This goes on a few more times. Suddenly she hears a voice from the back of the bus - "Lady will you please make up your mind? I was supposed to get off 5 stops ago."
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
Why can’t you screw with whales?
because they hump back.
Just found two lumps on my car battery.
Got them tested, one came back positive. I hope it's not terminal.
Why is the snail the strongest animal? Because he carries a house on his back!
Why should you never go back in time to alter the outcome of a football game?
You’ll be called for past interference!
Did you hear about the football team that drafted a vending machine?
They really needed a quarter back!
What do you do if a running back swallows the football?
You have to get him to cough it up!