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Why is the snail the strongest animal? Because he carries a house on his back!
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
“Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.”
Robert Benchley
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
Why should you never go back in time to alter the outcome of a football game?
You’ll be called for past interference!
Did you hear about the football team that drafted a vending machine?
They really needed a quarter back!
What do you do if a running back swallows the football?
You have to get him to cough it up!
The bartender asks one of The Beach Boys what they’d like, so he looks back to his friends
“Get a round?” “Round?” “Round?” “I’ll get a round!”
Just found two lumps on my car battery.
Got them tested, one came back positive. I hope it's not terminal.
Dog Joke: What do you call a Collie with a mango on it's back?
Mango Lassie.
Why can’t you screw with whales?
because they hump back.
Dear Algebra, stop asking us to find your X, she's not coming back, and no we don't know Y.
A linguistics professor says during a lecture that, "In English, a double negative forms a positive. But in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language in the world can a double positive form a negative." But then a voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."
Heisenberg was speeding down the highway. A cop pulls him over and says "Do you have any idea how fast you were going back there?" Heisenberg says, "No, but I knew where I was."