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prevision de vente Jokes

prevision de vente Jokes and more.
Cycling Pick Up Lines
I Tour de Francy you.
Classical Music Jokes
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
Weather Puns
Many people seem to believe that warm water droplets get cooled fast and form fog. It's a mist-conception. Someone should de-mist-ify it.
Coffee Puns
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
Wine Puns
Why do we enjoy wine jokes?
Because they're de-vine!
The Samurai Feud
In Feudal Japan, 2 Samurai families are constantly at war... One day, the eldest sons of the two Families got together and decided to put a stop to all the fighting and bloodshed between their clans. To the dismay of their closest relatives and companions, the two announce that they had agreed - they were going to have a duel to the death. The winner would bring his family glory, and the other family would be forced to leave the territory for good. The night before the duel, the Father of one clan approached his son and asked him why he decided to do this. Surely there was another way. The son responded he could no longer stand the fighting, and would rather die than deal with it any longer. Besides, he was older and knew he could easily best the eldest son of the opposing clan. He also had a superior disarming technique and could quickly end it all. He was certain of his victory. He continued to meditate and focus until the very moment of the duel. He could practically visualize the battle. He knew his opponents every move- he had spied on the past training sessions of his rookie opponent, and knew his every weakness. He was ready. When the time came, he donned his gear and made his way to the Arena. They approached each other from opposing ends. They stopped. Both bowed low in respect. Then as they lifted their heads back up, it was a flurry of sparks and slashes as the two went head to head. Such a display of combative grace had never been seen before. Both were clearly masters of their craft. As they continued to exchange blows, the older of the two saw his opening and struck. The younger fighter's sword hand had been lost. However, at that very moment the sword spun in a way that cut off both legs of the older fighter, dropping him to the floor in a splatter of blood. The younger fighter reached down and picked his sword back up with his left hand and finished his downed opponent in a quick display of mercy. Later, as the Heads of both clans met to sign their peace treaty, the Father of the older fighter approached the younger fighter. He told him that he held no animosity toward him - he fought valiantly to the very end. He only blamed his own son's foolishness, and as he walked away he muttered sadly to himself, "I just don't understand where he went wrong. He was supposed to be the greatest Samurai of our time..." To which the younger fighter responded: "He was indeed an excellent fighter, but while he was focused on disarming me, I simply focused on de-feeting him."
Funny Running Quotes
"Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet."
Unknown
Zombie Puns
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
Tennis Puns
The guy missed both his serves on match point. I won by de-fault.
Rabbit Puns
Who is the Easter Bunny’s favorite movie actor? Rabbit De Niro!
Christian Puns
Why wouldn’t the Pharaoh let the Hebrews go?
He was in ‘de Nile.
Physics Pick Up Lines
Woah, that attractive field of yours is pulling me in! By any chance, are you a Van de Graaff generator?
Gnome Puns
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
Cow Puns
What do you call an evil cow?
De-mooooon.
Cheese Puns
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? De-brie went everywhere!
What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory? All that was left was de brie.
Crocodile Puns
If a crocodile never admits he is wrong, he must be in de-nile..
Funny Love Quotes
"True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen." — Francois de la Rochefoucauld
Puns
Somebody stole all my lamps… I couldn’t be more de-lighted!
Flamingo Puns
Why couldn't anyone see the flamingo? It was in de skies.
Dog Puns
What happened when the dog ate a firefly?
He smiled with de-light
Why did the dog go to the bank?
To make a de-paws-it. But unfortunately, there was a mastiff line.
Dad Jokes
There's been an explosion at a cheese factory in Paris.
There's nothing left but de Brie.
Potato Puns
All potato puns are pomme de terrible.
Music Puns
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
France Puns
I can’t believe you have the de Gaulle to say that to my face.
What does the Tour de France and Amsterdam have in common?
They both have a bunch of people on drugs riding around on bikes.
Everyone knows the Italians invented pizza but few know that it was perfected by French rebels in nazi occupied France during WWII.
It was the pizza de resistance.
Quotes
“Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.”
Francois de La Rochefoucauld
One Liners for Kids
What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly? It barked with de-light!
Grass Puns
Last week, I met someone who specialized in the studies of shrubs and grasses. He called himself Neil De-grass-y Tyson!
Nurse Puns
How do nurses and doctors keep people from lying about their medical history?
They use the de-FIB-rillator.
Mushroom Puns
When finally the encyclopedia on mushrooms was out, it was given the title ‘A Fungi-de to the Mushrooms’.
Deodorant Puns
What is the most disgusting perfume ever made?
Eau de colon.
What do you call a perfume that missed its deadline?
Eau de too late.
There was a group of ants that always went on parties together, but one smelled way worse than the others.
He was de odor ant.
Bible Puns
Why wouldn’t the Pharaoh let the Hebrews go?
He was in ‘de Nile.
Horse Puns
How does a horse drink wine?
With a de-canter.
Why do horses make good lawyers?
Attention to de-tail.
Mermaid Puns
When it comes to mermaids growing legs, it's all in the de-tail.
Name Pick Up Lines
Well… I gotta de-Clara, I think I’ve just fallen in love.
Funny Animal Quotes
“The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.”

- Charles De Gaulle.
Funny Limericks
One Saturday morning at three,
A cheese monger's shop in Paree.
Collapsed to the ground,
With a thunderous sound,
Leaving only a pile of de brie.
Truck Puns
I watched, horrified as two trucks carrying cheese crashed into each other. De brie was all over the road.
The New Circus Performer
A circus manager is busy tiding is office when a scrawny little guy walks in the door. He walks over to the manager, and he says "Are you the boss here?" The manager says "Yeah. What do you want?" He says "I'd like to join the circus. I got an act." The guy says "Oh, yeah? Well, let me see what it is." So this little guy goes over to the center pole, and he starts climbing up the pole. And he goes all the way up. He climbs up and up and up. He goes all the way up to the very peak of the big top. And he looks down, and he takes a deep breath, and he leaps off, and he starts flapping his arms. And he starts flying! And he flies all around the big top! He goes all the way around the place. He goes around the center pole. He goes loop-de-loop through the trapezes. Then he gets all the way up, and he takes a nosedive right down to the ground, flapping his arms like mad. And he lands right next to the boss. And he says "Well, what do ya think?" "That's all you do? Says the boss disdainfully, "Bird imitations?"
Viking Puns
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
Mummy Puns
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Hockey Puns
The refs kept calling interference, even though goalmouth incidents were in
de-crease.
Worm Puns
How do you make a glow worm happy?
Cut off his tail, he’ll be de-lighted!
How do you make a glow worm happy? Cut off its tail and it will be de-lighted.
How do you make a glow worm happy? Cut off his tail, he'll be de-lighted.
AC Unit Puns
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
Food Poems
One Saturday morning at three
A cheese-monger’s shop in Paree
Collapsed to the ground
With a thunderous sound
Leaving only a pile of de brie.
Laundry Puns
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
Ancient Egypt Puns
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile