"Alcohol may be man's worst enemy but the Bible says to love your enemy."
- Frank Sinatra
"My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning."
- Ray Romano
"You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it." - Henny Youngman
"I like long romantic walks down every aisle at Target." - Unknown
"They say true love hides in every corner. I must be walking in circles." - Unknown
"Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke." - Lynda Barry
“I just want to be friends. Plus a little extra. Also, I love you.” - Dwight Schrute, 'The Office'
"Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them."
- Bill Maher
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship." ― Sharon Stone
"If you can stay in love for more than two years, you're on something." — Fran Lebowitz
"Love thy neighbor, just watch out for thy husband." - Unknown
"I love you with all my belly. I would say my heart, but my belly is bigger." - Unknown
"Between lovers, a little confession is a dangerous thing." — Helen Rowland
"I went out with a guy once who told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, 'I’m drinking so that you’re more fun to be around.'"
- Chelsea Handler
"I love you more than coffee but not always before coffee." - Unknown
"He was happily married - but his wife wasn't."
- Victor Borge
"Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing."
- Natasha Leggero
"I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?" Jean Illsley Clarke
"Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe." – Jackie Mason
"When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life."
- Richard Lewis
"The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired." — Milton Berle
"You may marry the man of your dreams, ladies, but fourteen years later you’re married to a couch that burps." - Roseanne Barr
"If you text 'I love you' to a person and the person writes back an emoji — no matter what that emoji is, they don't love you back."
- Chelsea Peretti
"My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on." — Joan Rivers
"There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments." - Chris Rock
"Love is sharing your popcorn."
- Charles Schultz.
"If only one could tell true love from false love as one can tell mushrooms from toadstools."
- Katherine Mansfield
"Marriage is like pantyhose. It all depends on what you put into it." — Phyllis Schlafly
“I love you and I treasure you and ya bore me.” - Amy Santiago, 'Brooklyn Nine-Nine'
I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here."
- Stephen Bishop
“I say if you love something, set it in a small cage and pester and smother it with love until it either loves you back or dies.” — Mindy Kaling
"I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met."
- Steven Wright
"There is nothing better for the spirit or the body than a love affair. It elevates the thoughts and flattens the stomach." — Barbara Hower
"Love thy neighbor—and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier." - Mae West
“Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women; a little bit of support and a little bit of freedom.” - Jerry Seinfeld
"Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in."
- Richard Jeni
"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt." Charles M. Schulz, creator of Peanuts
"I can't make you love me, but I can fill my pantry with your favorite snacks and offer you a weekly stipend of $75." — Rob Delaney
"Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties." — Jules Renard
"My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light." — Rodney Dangerfield
"Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener."
- Pauline Thomason
"If she happens to fall, I’ll be there to laugh at first and then help her up afterwards." — J.A. Redmerski
"True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked." — Erich Segal
"I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks." — Steve Martin
"Women love a self-confident bald man."
- Larry David.
"My wife is really sentimental. One Valentine’s Day I gave her a ring and to this day she has never forgotten those three little words that were engraved inside — Made in Taiwan."
- Leopold Fechner.
"As a man in a relationship, you have a choice: you can be right or you can be happy."
- Ralphie May
"The happiest marriage I can picture would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman." — Samuel Taylor Coleridge
"I was on a date with this really hot model. Well, it wasn’t really a date-date. We just ate dinner and saw a movie. Then the plane landed." — Dave Attell
"Love is an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties." - Jules Renard
Go to BabaMail
