Why do Norwegians build their own tables?
No Ikea!
This graveyard looks overcrowded.
People must be dying to get in.
Last night, I had a dream that I was a muffler.
I woke up exhausted.
What kind of tea you drink with the Queen?
Royal tea.
What do you call a woman who sounds like an ambulance?
Nina.
What do you call a horse that moves around a lot?
Unstable.
How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them.
I've just watched a T.V. documentary about beavers.
It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son's train set by myself. In a moment of panic, I threw a bedsheet over it. I think I managed to cover my tracks.
A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night.
Oof.
The circle is just the most ridiculous shape in the world.
There's absolutely no point to it.
What's made of brass and sounds like Tom Jones?
Trombones.
I always used to get small shocks when touching metal objects, but it recently stopped.
Needless to say, I'm ex-static.
I got fired on my first day as a car salesman.
Customer: "Cargo space?"
Me (speaking slowly): "No, not space.. Car go ROAD."
Manager: " Can I see you in my office?"
Why did the coffee go to the police?
It got mugged.
My wife traumatically ripped the blankets off me last night.
But I will recover.
My mum bought me a really cheap dictionary for my birthday.
I couldn't find the words to thank her.
What did the frog dress up as on Halloween?
A prince.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
I said to my wife, "I need to call the doctor today."
"Which doctor?" she asked.
"No, the regular kind."
What has two butts and kills people?
An assassin.
I was drinking my milkshake on a cliff and I thought to myself...
Wow, this is ledge ‘n dairy.
Breaking a leg during an audition...
Ensures that you end up in the cast.
There's been an explosion at a cheese factory in Paris.
There's nothing left but de Brie.
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and says, "Give me all your money or you’re geography!"
The teller replies, "Don't you mean history?"
The robber says, "Don't change the subject!"
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere.
A Dutchman has invented shoes that record how many miles you've walked.
Clever clogs.
What is E.T. short for?
So he can fit in his little spaceship.
After dinner my wife asked me if I could clear the table.
I needed a run up, but I made it.
What do prisoners use to call each other?
Cell phones.
Go to BabaMail
