“Properly trained, a man can be dog’s best friend.”
- Corey Ford.
“No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.”
- Kin Hubbard.
"The cow is of the bovine ilk: One end is moo, the other, milk."
- Ogden Nash
“A dog is one of the remaining reasons why some people can be persuaded to go for a walk.”—Orlando Aloysius Battista
“I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.”
Winston Churchill
“In LA we get coyotes in our garbage cans. Coyotes are just like my relatives. They go out in pairs, they whine at night, and they go anywhere there’s food."
- Billy Crystal
“I’m stuck between “I need to save money.” and “You only live once.”” – Anonymous
“If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.”
- Mark Twain.
“Some of our greatest historical and artistic treasures we place with curators in museums; others we take for walks.”—Roger Caras
“Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he had some help."
- Alex Haley
“If I'm ever being chased by a giraffe I'm gonna run into a place with low ceiling fans. Sorry, giraffe, but I gotta do what's best for me."
- Amber Tozer
“Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant.”—John Peer
“After scolding one’s cat one looks into its face and is seized by the ugly suspicion that it understood every word. And has filed it for reference.”
- Charlotte Gray.
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
- Sigmund Freud
“The happiness of the bee and the dolphin is to exist. For man, it is to know that and to wonder at it.”
- Jacques Yves Cousteau.
“To my mind, the only possible pet is a cow. Cows love you… They will listen to your problems and never ask a thing in return. They will be your friends forever. And when you get tired of them, you can kill and eat them. Perfect.”
Bill Bryson
“The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother—and they will settle for a puppy every time.”—Winston Pendelton
“I’ve never met an animal I didn’t like, and I can’t say the same thing about people.”
- Doris Day.
“I take my pet lion to church every Sunday. He has to eat.”
- Marty Pollio.
“Saw a chameleon today so I'm assuming it wasn't a very good one." - Unknown Author
“Always remember, a cat looks down on man, a dog looks up to man, but a pig will look man right in the eye and see his equal.”
- Sir Winston Churchill.
“My dog is a half pit bull, half poodle. Not much of a watchdog, but a vicious gossip!”
- Craig Shoemaker.
“Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.”
- Ann Landers.
“If you eliminate smoking and gambling, you will be amazed to find that almost all an Englishman’s pleasures can be, and mostly are, shared by his dog.”
George Bernard Shaw
“Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.” —Jeff Valdez
“A well-trained dog will make no attempt to share your lunch. He will just make you feel so guilty that you cannot enjoy it.”—Helen Thomson
“Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
“In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.”
- Terry Pratchett.
“I find that ducks’ opinion of me is greatly influenced by whether I have bread."
- Mitch Hedberg
“A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.” —Robert Benchley
“The only reason a great many American families don't own an elephant is that they have never been offered an elephant for a dollar down and easy weekly payments."
- Mad Magazine
“People teach their dog to sit; it’s a trick. I’ve been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.”—Mitch Hedberg
“What does a snail say when he rides on the back of a turtle?
“Whee!”
- Will Durst
“You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish.
- Jerry Seinfeld"
“If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one.” —Andrew A. Rooney
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
“I admit opening an alligator petting zoo was not the best idea, but I told the kids to be careful so there’s plenty of blame to go around.”
- John Lyon.
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
Groucho Marx
“It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.”—Rodney Dangerfield
“When gorillas are sleeping, you can hide a bunch of raisins in their fur, and then they’ll have an exciting treat the next day."
- Guy Endore Kaiser
“My fashion philosophy is if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.”
- Elayne Boosler.
“I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically, dogs think humans are nuts.”
- John Steinbeck.
“No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens." - Abraham Lincoln
“My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.” ~ Unknown
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.”
- Mark Twain.
“If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.”
- Phil Pastoret.
“There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."
Ben Williams
“There’s no need for a piece of sculpture in a home that has a cat.”
- Wesley Bates.
“They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous
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