“The only reason a great many American families don't own an elephant is that they have never been offered an elephant for a dollar down and easy weekly payments."
- Mad Magazine
“Dogs are great. Bad dogs, if you can really call them that, are perhaps the greatest of them all.”—John Grogan
“Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.”
- Mary Bly.
“My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.” ~ Unknown
“Dogs teach us a very important lesson in life: the mailman is not to be trusted.”—Sian Ford
“My relationships with my cats have saved me from a deadly, pervasive ignorance.”
- William S. Burroughs.
“The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree." - Steven Alexander Wright
“All of the animals except for man know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it.”
- Samuel Butler..
“A dog desires affection more than its dinner. Well—almost.”—Charlotte Gray
“Three rebels against the light: the thief, the adulterer, and the bat.”
- Hebrew Proverb.
“They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous
“Man is an animal that makes bargains: no other animal does this - no dog exchanges bones with another.”
- Adam Smith.
“Dogs have boundless enthusiasm but no sense of shame. I should have a dog as a life coach.”
- Moby.
“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”
- Andy Rooney.
“No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.”
- Kin Hubbard.
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
- Sigmund Freud
"Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple and learn how to handle them, and pretty soon you have a dozen."
- John Steinbeck.
“What do dogs do on their day off? Can’t lie around – that’s their job.”
- George Carlin.
“I take my pet lion to church every Sunday. He has to eat.”
- Marty Pollio.
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“Lots of people talk to animals... Not very many listen though... that's the problem.”
― A.A. Milne.
“In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.”
- Terry Pratchett.
“The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.”
- Charles De Gaulle.
“Watching a dog try to chew a large piece of toffee is a pastime fit for gods. Mr. Fusspot’s mixed ancestry had given him a dexterity of jaw that was truly awesome. He somersaulted happily around the floor, making faces like a rubber gargoyle in a washing machine.”—Terry Pratchett
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
Sigmund Freud
“Size isn’t everything. The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine.”
- Bill Vaughan.
“My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz
“Once when I was golfing in Georgia, I hooked the ball into the swamp. I went in after it and found an alligator wearing a shirt with a picture of a little golfer on it.”
- Buddy Hackett.
“It’s just the most amazing thing to love a dog, isn’t it? It makes our relationships with people seem as boring as a bowl of oatmeal.”—John Grogan
“If you’re a zebra being chased by a lion, maybe just stop in front of a giant bar code?”
- Guy Endore-Kaiser.
“The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.”
- Ambrose Bierce.
“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it." ~ David Lee Roth
“Our perfect companions never have fewer than four feet.”
- Colette.
“Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?”
- Jerry Seinfeld.
“The happiness of the bee and the dolphin is to exist. For man, it is to know that and to wonder at it.”
- Jacques Yves Cousteau.
“What does a snail say when he rides on the back of a turtle?
“Whee!”
- Will Durst
“When gorillas are sleeping, you can hide a bunch of raisins in their fur, and then they’ll have an exciting treat the next day."
- Guy Endore Kaiser
"The cow is of the bovine ilk: One end is moo, the other, milk."
- Ogden Nash
“People teach their dog to sit; it’s a trick. I’ve been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.”—Mitch Hedberg
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
Groucho Marx
“Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
“No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens." - Abraham Lincoln
“The best thing about animals is that they don’t talk much.”
- Thornton Wilder.
“Some of our greatest historical and artistic treasures we place with curators in museums; others we take for walks.”—Roger Caras
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
- Groucho Marx.
“You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘Wow, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!’”—Dave Barry
“If I'm ever being chased by a giraffe I'm gonna run into a place with low ceiling fans. Sorry, giraffe, but I gotta do what's best for me."
- Amber Tozer
“Saw a chameleon today so I'm assuming it wasn't a very good one." - Unknown Author
“If owl parties aren't called hootenannies, this world will never make sense again."
- Reverend Badger
"Dogs never bite me. Just humans."
- Marilyn Monroe
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