“If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.”
- Mark Twain.
“Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?”
- Jerry Seinfeld.
"The cow is of the bovine ilk: One end is moo, the other, milk."
- Ogden Nash
“My fashion philosophy is if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.”
- Elayne Boosler.
“A cat is a puzzle for which there is no solution.”
- Hazel Nicholson.
“If I could be half the person my dog is, I’d be twice the human I am.”—Charles Yu
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
Sigmund Freud
“A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.” —Robert Benchley
“The happiness of the bee and the dolphin is to exist. For man, it is to know that and to wonder at it.”
- Jacques Yves Cousteau.
“My relationships with my cats have saved me from a deadly, pervasive ignorance.”
- William S. Burroughs.
“If I'm ever being chased by a giraffe I'm gonna run into a place with low ceiling fans. Sorry, giraffe, but I gotta do what's best for me."
- Amber Tozer
“I admit opening an alligator petting zoo was not the best idea, but I told the kids to be careful so there’s plenty of blame to go around.”
- John Lyon.
“The only reason a great many American families don't own an elephant is that they have never been offered an elephant for a dollar down and easy weekly payments."
- Mad Magazine
“No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."
- Fran Lebowitz
“If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warm.”
- Alfred North Whitehead.
“The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.”
- Ambrose Bierce.
“The best thing about animals is that they don’t talk much.”
- Thornton Wilder.
“The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.”
- Charles De Gaulle.
“When an 85-pound mammal licks your tears away, then tries to sit on your lap, it’s hard to feel sad.”—Kristan Higgins
“Watching a dog try to chew a large piece of toffee is a pastime fit for gods. Mr. Fusspot’s mixed ancestry had given him a dexterity of jaw that was truly awesome. He somersaulted happily around the floor, making faces like a rubber gargoyle in a washing machine.”—Terry Pratchett
“Saw a chameleon today so I'm assuming it wasn't a very good one." - Unknown Author
“They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous
“In LA we get coyotes in our garbage cans. Coyotes are just like my relatives. They go out in pairs, they whine at night, and they go anywhere there’s food."
- Billy Crystal
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
- Groucho Marx
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
Groucho Marx
“I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically, dogs think humans are nuts.”
- John Steinbeck.
“Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails.”
- Max Eastman.
“In order to maintain a well-balanced perspective, the person who has a dog to worship him should also have a cat to ignore him.” —Peterborough Examiner, Canada
“Once when I was golfing in Georgia, I hooked the ball into the swamp. I went in after it and found an alligator wearing a shirt with a picture of a little golfer on it.”
- Buddy Hackett.
“As wonderful as dogs can be, they are famous for missing the point.”—Jean Ferris
“I’ve never met an animal I didn’t like, and I can’t say the same thing about people.”
- Doris Day.
“People teach their dog to sit; it’s a trick. I’ve been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.”—Mitch Hedberg
“My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.” ~ Unknown
"Dogs never bite me. Just humans."
- Marilyn Monroe
“Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
“The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother—and they will settle for a puppy every time.”—Winston Pendelton
“You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish.
- Jerry Seinfeld"
“No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens." - Abraham Lincoln
“All of the animals except for man know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it.”
- Samuel Butler..
“My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
- Groucho Marx.
“Properly trained, a man can be dog’s best friend.”
- Corey Ford.
“You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘Wow, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!’”—Dave Barry
“When gorillas are sleeping, you can hide a bunch of raisins in their fur, and then they’ll have an exciting treat the next day."
- Guy Endore Kaiser
“In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.”
- Terry Pratchett.
“It’s just the most amazing thing to love a dog, isn’t it? It makes our relationships with people seem as boring as a bowl of oatmeal.”—John Grogan
“Never break a promise to an animal. They're like babies—they won't understand.”
― Tamora Pierc
“Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he had some help."
- Alex Haley
“Size isn’t everything. The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine.”
- Bill Vaughan.
“Three rebels against the light: the thief, the adulterer, and the bat.”
- Hebrew Proverb.
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