“Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.”
- Mary Bly.
“Dogs are great. Bad dogs, if you can really call them that, are perhaps the greatest of them all.”—John Grogan
“Watching a dog try to chew a large piece of toffee is a pastime fit for gods. Mr. Fusspot’s mixed ancestry had given him a dexterity of jaw that was truly awesome. He somersaulted happily around the floor, making faces like a rubber gargoyle in a washing machine.”—Terry Pratchett
“God in his wisdom made the fly, And then forgot to tell us why.”
- Ogden Nash.
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.”
- Mark Twain.
“My relationships with my cats have saved me from a deadly, pervasive ignorance.”
- William S. Burroughs.
“It’s just the most amazing thing to love a dog, isn’t it? It makes our relationships with people seem as boring as a bowl of oatmeal.”—John Grogan
“My fashion philosophy is if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.”
- Elayne Boosler.
“Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.”
- Ann Landers.
“The household cat is really a tiger that has underwent three counselling programs.”
- Valeriu Butulescu.
“I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically, dogs think humans are nuts.”
- John Steinbeck.
“Beaver do better work than the Corps of Engineers.”
- Mike Todd.
“If owl parties aren't called hootenannies, this world will never make sense again."
- Reverend Badger
“Animals may be our friends, but they won’t pick you up at the airport."
- Bobcat Goldthwait
“Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?”
Jerry Seinfeld
“My dog is a half pit bull, half poodle. Not much of a watchdog, but a vicious gossip!”
- Craig Shoemaker.
“No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.”
- Kin Hubbard.
“Never break a promise to an animal. They're like babies—they won't understand.”
― Tamora Pierc
“What do dogs do on their day off? Can’t lie around – that’s their job.”
- George Carlin.
“If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warm.”
- Alfred North Whitehead.
“In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.”
- Terry Pratchett.
“I’ve never met an animal I didn’t like, and I can’t say the same thing about people.”
- Doris Day.
“Saw a chameleon today so I'm assuming it wasn't a very good one." - Unknown Author
“Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
“Three rebels against the light: the thief, the adulterer, and the bat.”
- Hebrew Proverb.
"Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple and learn how to handle them, and pretty soon you have a dozen."
- John Steinbeck.
“I take my pet lion to church every Sunday. He has to eat.”
- Marty Pollio.
“I don’t understand people who don’t touch their pets. Their cat or dog is called a pet for a reason.”
- Jarod Kintz.
“A dog is one of the remaining reasons why some people can be persuaded to go for a walk.”—Orlando Aloysius Battista
“My friend was attacked by a duck. I yelled “duck!” to warn him, but it just made it worse.”
- Kelkulus.
"The cow is of the bovine ilk: One end is moo, the other, milk."
- Ogden Nash
“A hen is just an egg’s way of making another egg.”
- Weird Science.
“A well-trained dog will make no attempt to share your lunch. He will just make you feel so guilty that you cannot enjoy it.”—Helen Thomson
“The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He’s got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
“I’m stuck between “I need to save money.” and “You only live once.”” – Anonymous
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
Groucho Marx
“Dogs teach us a very important lesson in life: the mailman is not to be trusted.”—Sian Ford
“You can always tell about somebody by the way they put their hands on an animal.”
- Betty White.
“Always remember, a cat looks down on man, a dog looks up to man, but a pig will look man right in the eye and see his equal.”
- Sir Winston Churchill.
“If I could be half the person my dog is, I’d be twice the human I am.”—Charles Yu
“Properly trained, a man can be dog’s best friend.”
- Corey Ford.
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid."
- Mark Twain
“You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘Wow, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!’”—Dave Barry
“If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.”
- Phil Pastoret.
“When an 85-pound mammal licks your tears away, then tries to sit on your lap, it’s hard to feel sad.”—Kristan Higgins
“If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.”
- Mark Twain.
“The only reason a great many American families don't own an elephant is that they have never been offered an elephant for a dollar down and easy weekly payments."
- Mad Magazine
“Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.” —Jeff Valdez
“Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant.”—John Peer
“As wonderful as dogs can be, they are famous for missing the point.”—Jean Ferris
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