If you ever have to defuse a bomb, never cut...
The Blew wire.
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
When the first nuclear bomb was detonated all the neutrons were sad.
Because their parents had just split.
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?
"OK boomer."
Fortune-teller was killed by a car bomb
Couldn’t foresee the C4.
What did the knife say to the other knife? Knife to meet you!
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
Yesterday, a man threatened to kill himself with a knife and someone called the cops.
Today he died of his gunshot wounds.
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
What do you do when you're in a knife fight with a group of clowns?
Go for the juggler.
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?
A pairing knife
Homeless man attacks kid with a knife
Don’t worry the kid was fine. He had a knife.
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
Did you hear that famous blonde haired actress has been stabbed? She's called Reese, Erm...
Witherspoon?
No, with a knife.
Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
Fork: "Who was that ladle I saw you with last night?"
Spoon: "That was no ladle. That was my knife."
What gun does a military chef use?
A salt rifle.
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
Lambo.
What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
Should a gun company rename themselves "Question"?
That's a loaded Question
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?
Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
Never criticize a gun owner until you've walked a mile in his shoes
That way he'll be barefoot and you'll be out of range.
What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand]
Cat: You're one short buddy.
What do you call the first person to kill someone with a gun?
First person shooter
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
I went to test my new gun at the range, but couldn’t make it work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual.
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.