My husband slapped a fly off the door and said 'Not on my watch!'
I told him "That's a door"
If the Hubble Telescope got married...
It would be called the Hubby Telescope.
Why didn’t my husband laugh at my awesome ice cream joke?
Because he was laughtose intolerant.
What did the wife mushroom say to her husband?
“You’re a fungi!”
I found out my wife is really a ghost.
I had my suspicions the moment she walked through the door.