Leaf me alone.
Why do gardeners plant bulbs? So the worms can see where they’re going.
A woman asks her neighbor, "Can I borrow your lawnmower?"
Her neighbor says, "No, he's not home yet"
Ants in your plants.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
What do you call a grumpy and short-tempered gardener?
A Snapdragon.
What did the pirate call his vegetable patch?
His garrrrgh-den.
How do you know if you're a bad gardener?
All the rocks in your garden went belly up!
You’re unbeleafable.
After a year of waiting, my publisher finally approved my book on gardening
It's about Thyme.
Schwarzenegger retired from TV to kill bugs. Now he’s an ex-terminator.
A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
Mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.
Seed between the lines.
Botanists have developed a vegetable that eliminates the need to brush your teeth.
Bristle sprouts.
What kind of garden flowers grow in outer space?
Moonflowers, Sunflowers, Star Clusters, and Cosmos.
My neighbor asked me if he could borrow my lawnmower. It told him he could; if he did not take it out of my yard.
If you’re looking for a job, get trained in horticulture. It’s a growing industry.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commen-tater.
We’re mint to be.
What did the gardeners say when he discovered nasty weeds in his garden?
I have spotted spurge!
When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Beatles song? Lettuce Be.
I was offered a job as a gardener, but I didn’t take it because the celery was too low.
Let’s take a leaf of faith.
Eat, drink and be rosemary.
Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled.
I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.
Did you hear the gardener's joke about the old oak tree?
It's acorny one!
How do you know you are a Master Gardener?
There is a decorative compost container on your kitchen counter.
You would rather go to a nursery to shop than a clothing store.
You prefer gardening to watching television.
You plan vacation trips to arboretums and public parks.
Dirt under your fingernails and calloused palms are matters of pride.
One bonsai tree grower was so successful he moved into a miniature house.
Why was the gardener so busy over the weekend?
He had a long honeydew list.
One more thyme.
Gardening question: Does anyone know a good place where I can buy a fern? Asking for a frond.
All things must grass.
One trick peony.
In the eyes of the lawn.
Sherlock Holmes was doing some gardening, Watson asked what he was planting. He replied “A lemon tree, my dear Watson”.
I started an insurance company for flower and gardening businesses...
It's called "oopsie daisies."
I’m kind of a big dill.
When does a farmer dance? When he drops the beet.
What’s the easiest way to stop a dog from digging in the garden?
Take away his shovel!
I beg your garden?
My leaf blower doesn’t work. It just sucks!
Do you need some encourage-mint?
Do you know what really bugs me? Insect puns.
Trowel and error.
It’s party thyme.
What happened to the Venus Fly Trap's plant food?
The arbor-ate-em.
Do you have the thyme? I need to get somewhere around tree o’clock.