What do you call an Amish Man whose hand is in a horse’s mouth?
A mechanic.
Rich people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
But polite french people are born with a s'il vous plaît.
what does Stalin use to wipe his mouth?
A Soviette.
What is your mouth’s favorite exercise?
Burpees.
How do you beat a robot in a fist fight
Socket in the jaw.
What is red and not good for your teeth?
A brick.
Did you hear about the guy who got a metal jaw replacement?
I think he just did it for a tin chin.
I had a jaw-dropping experience.
Sadly, it was radium poisoning.
I inshtalled my shelf wrong and it fell on top of me, breaking my jaw. Now I shound weird.
I guesh I only have myshelf to blame.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it becomes a soap opera.
Did you hear about the football player with the dirty mouth?
Yeah. He was an offensive lineman.
I accidentally injured my girlfriend with a mouth organ.
I really didn't mean to harm Monica.
My little sister came to my room with a lighbulb in her mouth. I asked her "what in the world are you doing?"
She said "I'm having a light snack."
I saw a friend of mine named Ella sit down to eat a fillet of salmon. As she lifted the fork to her mouth I screamed NO DON’T EAT THAT!
When she asked why I responded “you’ll get salmon-Ella!”
My friend keeps joking about the thing he has to wear to cover his mouth while he's exercising outside.
It's a running gag.
My son elbowed me in the mouth during a tickle fight
But that's ok. It was acci-dental.
What makes your mouth sad?
A tongue depressor.
Why do seals carry fish in their mouth?
Because they don't have pockets.
There's a South American country where they have a rare pepper. Instead of being hot when you eat it, it makes your mouth feel cold.
It's called the Chilly Chile Chili.
What do you call a flower with a mouth?
Tulip.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle.
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate his food before it was cool.
Some people think it's okay to wear your mask over your mouth while not covering your nose.
They're mouthbreathers.
We all have that one vegan friend.... I said to mine,"Do you have to mention vegetables every time you open your mouth?"
She said, "Not neccecelery."
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth.
Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent.
How do mountains hear?
with mountaineers.
Why can’t your ear be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
My wife is always telling me I shouldn’t stick Q-tips so far in my ear
At least that’s what I think she was saying.
Thankfully evolution gave us ears a million years ago...
Now we finally get to use them to wear masks.
Condoms are like ear muffs.
They prevent a lot of noise.
What do you call a guy with an ear fetish.
Hard for hearing.
George Michael once damaged his ears while cleaning them...
Careless Swissper.
What do you get if you cut off Mona Lisa's ears?
MONO LISA.
A captain was barking at his crew. "What do you think is between yer ears!?"
"Eye Eye, Captain!"
I tried to warn my son about the dangers of Russian roulette...
It went in one ear and out the other.
Me and my ears hate badminton so much
It's making a racket.
Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears?
A left ear, a right ear, and a wild frontier.
I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish
Almost everyone eats corn.
My wife just now: Do men's ears actually work or are they just for decoration?
Me: 'What?'
A man goes to the doctors and says " Doc, I'm having problems with my ears, I think I'm going deaf".
The Doc says " Can you tell me the symptoms?"
The man replies, " Well, Homer's the big fat bloke, and Marge has blue hair!"
What did Van Gogh name the ear he didn't cut off?
Van Stay.
What do you call friends with airpods in their ears
Earbuds.
My doctor says I should get my ears cleaned every 12 months.
I think he means ear-ly.
What do you call someone with fruit in one ear and whipped cream in the other?
A trifle deaf.
Did you know if you hold a hard hat up to your ear....
you can hear the OSHA?
I told the doctor I was deaf in my left ear he said 'are you sure?'
Then I said 'I'm definite."
Why was the man who hung tennis equipment from his ears arrested?
He was found guilty of racket-ear-ring
There's a serious ear condition that dogs can get, it makes their ears ring all the time.
It's called Rin-Tin-Tinnitus.
I can't hear out of my ear...
It's really EAR-itating.