Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?
Because he had a loco-motive.
What did the monster say when he saw a rush hour train full of passengers? Oh good! A chew chew train!
Why did the monster eat the caboose? The locomotive told it to choo choo.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
Never going drinking with Train drivers again.
All they did all night was tell me to ‘chug,chug,chug,chug.’
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
He was beside himself.
Why do you have to wait so long for a train on Halloween? They only run a skeleton service.
How do you find a missing train? Follow the tracks
What did the Mama Steam Engine say to her Baby Steam Engine at supper time? “Choo choo!”
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.
Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
How can you tell a train just went by? A. You can see it’s tracks!
What do you call a locomotive with a cold? A choo choo train.
I know an elephant who refused to travel by train because he didn’t want to leave his trunk in the baggage car.
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
Why can’t the engineer be electrocuted? Because he’s not a conductor!
What’s the difference between a teacher and a railway security guard? One trains the mind, the other minds the train.
How long does it take for electricity to travel the length of a 10 car train?
It all depends on the conductor.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says “Choo Choo Choo!”
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road.”
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn’t trained.
Where do crabs and lobsters catch their trains?
King's Crustation.
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
What kind of a car does a crazy man drive? A LOCOmotive.
What do you call a train that sneezes? Achoo-choo train.
I’ve been meaning to make a list of bad railroad puns…but I keep getting side tracked.
How do trains eat?
They chew chew.
Why did the train have to rush to the bathroom?
It’s been toot toot tootin all day long!
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
What is as big as a steam locomotive, but weighs nothing? Its shadow.
Why are the railroad tracks angry? Because people are always crossing them.
First time hunters were arguing over which kind of animal tracks they had found when they were hit by a train.
Those who steal trains must have a loco–motive!
I know someone who tried to run away after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
I don’t want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive
A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway. It was an ex-press train.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
New electric trains will run on conductors.
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
A railroad engineer must be sure not to lose his train of thought or he might go down the wrong track.