My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
A fired newspaper editor took an ex-press train out of town.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
I know someone who tried to run away after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
How long does it take for electricity to travel the length of a 10 car train?
It all depends on the conductor.
Why are the railroad tracks angry? Because people are always crossing them.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
Where do crabs and lobsters catch their trains?
King's Crustation.
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.
Why did the monster eat the caboose? The locomotive told it to choo choo.
A railroad engineer must be sure not to lose his train of thought or he might go down the wrong track.
How do trains eat?
They chew chew.
First time hunters were arguing over which kind of animal tracks they had found when they were hit by a train.
Those who steal trains must have a loco–motive!
I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn’t trained.
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road.”
What do you call a train that sneezes? Achoo-choo train.
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
What did the Mama Steam Engine say to her Baby Steam Engine at supper time? “Choo choo!”
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
What do you call a locomotive with a cold? A choo choo train.
A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway. It was an ex-press train.
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
The US army secretly trains pigeons to help overthrow hostile foreign governments.
It’s a military coo.
New electric trains will run on conductors.
How do you find a missing train? Follow the tracks
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? A chew-chew train.
How do locomotives hear? Through the engineers!
Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
I was running to catch a train yesterday, but just as I was approaching it...
I realized my net wasn't big enough.
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
He was beside himself.
I don’t want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive