Did you guys hear about the airplane that dressed up for Halloween?
It was in disguise.
What did the Turkey do on Halloween?
He was a goblin
What do you say when you're having dinner with a skeleton? Bone appetit!
why are the discarded papers that once held the halloween candy just like vocalists who have lost their rhythm, art, and poetry?
they are both empty rappers
Why was the Jack-o-Lantern sad on Halloween?
Because he felt empty inside.
I’ll be your trick if you’ll be my treat.
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
I let my kids pick my Halloween costume this year. They chose a hot dog...
... this is going to be my wurst Halloween ever.
What do mummies like listening to on Halloween? Wrap music!
For Halloween, one of my sons dressed up as the clown from IT, and another son as a Twitter hashtag. They asked me my opinion...
I said "Penny wise, pound foolish"
Why couldn’t the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.
Ghosts make the best cheerleaders. They have lots of spirit!
My dad has been making Halloween related puns all morning
He's now asking that I call him the Halloween Pun King.
For Halloween I’m going to write “Life” on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers
Why didn't the mummy finish his Halloween candy?
Because he was stuffed!
Halloween candy is yummy and all, but don't forget to save room for 'I scream.'
What do you call a Halloween boner? Petrified wood
Who did Dracula take to the school dance? His ghoul friend.
What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us
Enjoy goblin up all your Halloween candy — just don't let it go to waist!
What’s a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
Although he seems happy and bright, the jack-o-lantern was so sad on Halloween because he’s hollow inside.
My aunt showed up to our Halloween party wearing ranch bottle costume. She was an hour late.
Her response: Sorry, I was getting dressed.
I went to a Halloween party wearing a pie shell and carrying a shepherds crook.
"What on earth are you supposed to be?" "I'm a spy" "A spy?. What kinda of spy wears a pie costume and carries a crook?"
A shepherds spy.
What's the best part about the end of Halloween?
Putting the skeletons back in the closet!
Did you know that the soldiers at Arlington salute their new Jack-o-Lanterns every Halloween?
They always honor the changing of the Gourd.
Why did the ghost go to the bar? To get some boos.
Don’t be a jerk-o-lantern this Halloween — share your candy!
Why did the Vampire read The New York Times? He heard it had great circulation.
Halloween Math
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o'-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
“Halloween” = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.
I bought a pumpkin for Halloween but it was broken
So i had to get a pumpkin patch.
On Halloween, I will be wearing a normal everyday T-Shirt
I'll be going as a Casualty
Why do they put fences around graveyards? Because people are dying to get in!
We’ve all heard of the mushroom who gets invited to the party cause he’s a fungi, but what about the mushroom who stole all the halloween candy?
He had no morrels.
Son: Dad, did you know they used to carve turnips on Halloween?
Dad: They must have been out of their gourds.
Why do skeleton's make such good comedians? They have so many funny bones.
For Halloween I'm going to dress as a donkey with a kilt
I'm going to be an ascot
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
Orange you excited for Halloween?
Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!
This Halloween, the only Candy I’m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
This Halloween I was planning to go as a band aid, but decided against it.
It’s really hard to pull off.
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!
The best part of astrology is reading your daily horror-scope.
I dressed up as a jousting lance for Halloween, but nobody got it.
I thought it was pretty straight forward.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
No matter what costumes they wear, when the Halloween candy comes out, everyone is a goblin!
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.