What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us
I'm going to need to exorcise a lot after all this Halloween candy.
Did you guys hear about the airplane that dressed up for Halloween?
It was in disguise.
Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween? Me: Drunk!
I let my kids pick my Halloween costume this year. They chose a hot dog...
... this is going to be my wurst Halloween ever.
This Halloween, the only Candy I’m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
I didn’t want to play it safe with a skeleton costume, I want people to know I have guts.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
Halloween candy is yummy and all, but don't forget to save room for 'I scream.'
I hope these Halloween puns don't drive you batty.
Why did the Vampire read The New York Times? He heard it had great circulation.
What do you say when you're having dinner with a skeleton? Bone appetit!
This Halloween I was planning to go as a band aid, but decided against it.
It’s really hard to pull off.
What do you get when you divide your jack-o’-lantern’s circumference by its diameter? Pumpkin-Pie!
I said to my son, "There's only one thing about Halloween that scares me."
He asked, "Which is?"
I replied, "Exactly!"
My dad has been making Halloween related puns all morning
He's now asking that I call him the Halloween Pun King.
On Halloween, I will be wearing a normal everyday T-Shirt
I'll be going as a Casualty
What do you call a Halloween boner? Petrified wood
Son: Dad, did you know they used to carve turnips on Halloween?
Dad: They must have been out of their gourds.
Halloween Math
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o'-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
Ghosts make the best cheerleaders. They have lots of spirit!
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
No matter what costumes they wear, when the Halloween candy comes out, everyone is a goblin!
My new Halloween cookies are bringing everyone back for more!
I call them boo merginues.
What do you call Jack-O-Lantern cousins who lift weights together?
Pump Kins
Jehovahs witnesses don’t celebrate halloween
I guess they don’t appreciate random people coming to their door
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
My Haloween costume would have been perfect if my hair agreed with me. Guess I’m just having a bad scare day.
Orange you excited for Halloween?
What did the Turkey do on Halloween?
He was a goblin
I dressed up as a jousting lance for Halloween, but nobody got it.
I thought it was pretty straight forward.
What do Italians eat on Halloween?
Fettuccine Afraid-O
What does a placebo say on Halloween?
“Trick or Treatment!”
Enjoy goblin up all your Halloween candy — just don't let it go to waist!
What's the best part about the end of Halloween?
Putting the skeletons back in the closet!
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day
Although he seems happy and bright, the jack-o-lantern was so sad on Halloween because he’s hollow inside.
“I found this humerus” is the perfect Halloween pun for boneheads.
For Halloween I’m going to write “Life” on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers
Why do they put fences around graveyards? Because people are dying to get in!
Don’t be a jerk-o-lantern this Halloween — share your candy!
Why was the Jack-o-Lantern sad on Halloween?
Because he felt empty inside.
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow dog."
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
Why didn't the mummy finish his Halloween candy?
Because he was stuffed!
We’ve all heard of the mushroom who gets invited to the party cause he’s a fungi, but what about the mushroom who stole all the halloween candy?
He had no morrels.
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!
For Halloween, one of my sons dressed up as the clown from IT, and another son as a Twitter hashtag. They asked me my opinion...
I said "Penny wise, pound foolish"
What is a jack o lantern's favorite pick up line?
"Darling, you look GOURD-EOUS!!"