Halloween Math
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o'-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
What do Italians eat on Halloween?
Fettuccine Afraid-O
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?
You use a pumpkin patch.
I need a new Halloween costume. I’m thinking of going as an evil nun.
Do I really need another bad habit?
Why was the Jack-o-Lantern sad on Halloween?
Because he felt empty inside.
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
Why did the ghost go to the bar? To get some boos.
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!
Went to church on Halloween
Turned out to be a blessing in disguise
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day
Who did Dracula take to the school dance? His ghoul friend.
What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow dog."
Enjoy goblin up all your Halloween candy — just don't let it go to waist!
Although he seems happy and bright, the jack-o-lantern was so sad on Halloween because he’s hollow inside.
What does a placebo say on Halloween?
“Trick or Treatment!”
My Haloween costume would have been perfect if my hair agreed with me. Guess I’m just having a bad scare day.
Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween? Me: Drunk!
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
I didn’t want to play it safe with a skeleton costume, I want people to know I have guts.
What do you say when you're having dinner with a skeleton? Bone appetit!
For Halloween, one of my sons dressed up as the clown from IT, and another son as a Twitter hashtag. They asked me my opinion...
I said "Penny wise, pound foolish"
I don't trust pumpkins. They're seedy.
On Halloween, I will be wearing a normal everyday T-Shirt
I'll be going as a Casualty
I was a bit worried about making breakfast on Halloween
But I ain't afraid of no toast.
What do mummies like listening to on Halloween? Wrap music!
What do you call a Halloween boner? Petrified wood
Orange you excited for Halloween?
Are any of the Halloween Monsters good at math?
Only if you Count Dracula.
Why do they put fences around graveyards? Because people are dying to get in!
What do you call Jack-O-Lantern cousins who lift weights together?
Pump Kins
Don’t be a jerk-o-lantern this Halloween — share your candy!
For Halloween I’m going to write “Life” on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers
Did you know that the soldiers at Arlington salute their new Jack-o-Lanterns every Halloween?
They always honor the changing of the Gourd.
Son: Dad, did you know they used to carve turnips on Halloween?
Dad: They must have been out of their gourds.
Why couldn’t the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.
What do you get when you divide your jack-o’-lantern’s circumference by its diameter? Pumpkin-Pie!
I bought a pumpkin for Halloween but it was broken
So i had to get a pumpkin patch.
Did you get to meet the tallest vampire in the world? People call him Count Everest.
Saw Humpty Dumpty shopping for Halloween supplies.
He's going to have a great fall.
Why did the Vampire read The New York Times? He heard it had great circulation.
I let my kids pick my Halloween costume this year. They chose a hot dog...
... this is going to be my wurst Halloween ever.
Halloween candy is yummy and all, but don't forget to save room for 'I scream.'
What did the Turkey do on Halloween?
He was a goblin
This Halloween I was planning to go as a band aid, but decided against it.
It’s really hard to pull off.
“Halloween” = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.
My dad has been making Halloween related puns all morning
He's now asking that I call him the Halloween Pun King.