A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
What did the gardeners say when he discovered nasty weeds in his garden?
I have spotted spurge!
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
What’s a corn farmer’s favorite animal? The unicorn.
Eat, drink and be rosemary.
How do you know you are a Master Gardener?
There is a decorative compost container on your kitchen counter.
You would rather go to a nursery to shop than a clothing store.
You prefer gardening to watching television.
You plan vacation trips to arboretums and public parks.
Dirt under your fingernails and calloused palms are matters of pride.
What rock would you find inside a garden shed?
Shedimentary.
I got into a fight with a snail. It was a real slug-fest.
Why didn’t the flower get to go out on a second date?
He was a garden variety.
Why did the gardener think her plant was sick?
It was looking very green.
What do you call a grumpy and short-tempered gardener?
A Snapdragon.
What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A lawn moo-er.
A man walks into a flower shop "I'd like some flowers please."
"Certainly, Sir. What did you have in mind?"
He shrugs "Well I'm not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh..."
"Perhaps I could help. What exactly have you done?"
That’s a bit mulch.
Many gardeners suffer from hay fever. Isn’t that news a pollen?
Do you need some encourage-mint?
She didn’t date the gardener. He was too rough around the hedges.
What kind of garden flowers grow in outer space?
Moonflowers, Sunflowers, Star Clusters, and Cosmos.
What’s the name of the gardener’s favorite show? Lawn and order.
I’ll never leaf you.
Over quarantine, I’ve really gotten into gardening. I am especially enamored with growing chard varieties. So much so I’ve written a book of poems about their taproots.
I hope to one day be recognized as the beet poet of our generation!
One trick peony.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commen-tater.
I got a job working in a hayfield. After one day I bailed.
Why didn’t anyone laugh at the gardener’s jokes?
Because they were too corny!
One more thyme.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Beatles song? Lettuce Be.
Ants in your plants.
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since.
I hired a landscape gardener today.
He couldn’t help me — my garden is a portrait.
I'm a gardener and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I plant all day!
I dress in grubby clothing and hang around with slugs.
Oh I'm happy in the garden
With dirt and plants and bugs.
I’m kind of a big dill.
Who needs friends when you’ve got anemones?
Do you have the thyme? I need to get somewhere around tree o’clock.
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
How do you know if you're a bad gardener?
All the rocks in your garden went belly up!
Herb your enthusiasm.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the corn has ears.
What does a gardener call the tree surgeon who also makes a great cup of coffee?
Arbor-ista.
What’s the easiest way to stop a dog from digging in the garden?
Take away his shovel!
What happened to the Venus Fly Trap's plant food?
The arbor-ate-em.
New Year's resolution for the bankrupt gardener was to forget the past and rely on the fuchsia...
Do you know what really bugs me? Insect puns.
Any self-respecting rock will break at least one shovel before accepting its new home.
Why was the gardener so busy over the weekend?
He had a long honeydew list.
What do you call it when worms eat all of the plants and take over the world?
Global Worming.
What kind of flowers bloom on your face? Tulips!
I’m rooting for you!
Long thyme no see.
One bonsai tree grower was so successful he moved into a miniature house.