I was selling my bike and an interested buyer asked what’s lowest I’d go.
"About 3 mph," I said, "otherwise I’d tip over."
My race time today was much better than yesterday. I was in a whole different gear.
I banged my bike against the wall today. it was wheelie unfortunate.
Every morning when I leave home, a bike comes from somewhere and runs me over. It’s a vicious cycle.
If you ride your bike twice a day, is that recycling?
I’m trying to teach my son how to put the chain back on his bike but he still can’t seem to do it.
I guess it must be sprocket science.
A police officer knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bicycles what rubbish my dog doesn’t even own a bike.
While I was riding my bike, there was a big tropical storm. I decided to cyclone.
My bike chain got rusted. Then my whole bicycle broke down. It was a chain reaction.
I rode my bike so much, I had to put a new set of wheels on it. I was about to put a third set on it, but the old bike didn’t work anymore. which is understandable. The bike was already retired.
I avoid bike trails after dark. They are full of cycle paths.
A silent man walked into a bicycle shop...
He picked up a wheel and spoke.
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was 2-tired.
Mum said I would never be able to make a bicycle out of spaghetti
Well I did, and you should’ve seen her face when I rode pasta
What do you call a murder where the perp runs away on a bicycle?
A drive bike shooting
What do you call a guy who only rides children's bicycles?
A pedalphile
Why did the tricycle not hang out with the bicycles?
It felt like a third wheel
What the motto of a Boy Scout who got a badge for fixing a bicycle horn?
Beep Repaired!
My brother has been riding a bicycle since he was 4 years old
Damn he must be very far away by now
Why didn't the bicycle want to go anywhere?
It was two tired.
I heard they’re remaking one of the Lord of the Rings movies, but everyone rides around on bicycles instead of horses.
They’re calling it The Two Tires
How does a flower propel a bicycle?
It petals!
Something is Wrong With My Bicycle,
it doesn't Go Straight.
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was too tired..
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire
Why is it so expensive to run a submarine?
It's the depth charges.
Why couldn’t the submarine commander get to the surface after joining Reddit?
He couldn’t get any up-boats
The librarian's office was on the A level. I asked for a book about submarines.
She told me to look below C level.
Why did the submarine driver lose his job
Old, racist tweets resurfaced
How advanced are the inner workings of a submarine?
It goes very deep
I got fired from my job as a submarine pilot.
I just don't get it. My performance reviews always said my work was sub-standard.
Why did the submarines feelings get hurt?
Because they keep calling it a dipship
There are more planes under the oceans than there are submarines up in the skies. Let that sink in...
I tried to make a wooden submarine.
It didn't go down so well.
Do you know why the U.S. Navy always keeps at least two canaries on board each of their submarines?
Because everyone knows that if you have a big sub you also need a good set of tweeters.
I'm gonna quit my job on a submarine
I'm under a lot of pressure
What do you get when you cross a Tambourine with a Submarine?
The Salvation Navy
My kid’s toy submarine was having trouble staying under water...
I hope this will not surface again
How do you sink a submarine full of fools?
You knock on the door.
Did you hear about the submarine industry?
It really took a dive...
How is the submarine doing at school?
It's below c-level
Why should you be cautious of a Finnish submarine captain?
He’ll sink ye.
There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky
This much is plane to sea
I joined the French Submarine Corps to learn how to deal with the loss of a loved one.
They taught me periscoping techniques.
What color are military submarines?
Deep navy
BREAKING NEWS: Vietnam accidentally sank its own submarine killing all 350 on board
Whoops, wrong sub.
A car company tried to make a submarine, but it kept surfacing too quickley
The crew got the Mercedes-Bends
I knew a submarine sailor who wasn't very talkative or energetic
He was a subdued sub dude.
The navy is now taking dogs along on their submarines
They're subwoofers
I saw a documentary today about a submarine that recycles 87% of its garbage.
But I believe this sub's doing even better!