How much dew does a dewdrop drop
If dewdrops do drop dew?
They do drop, they do
As do dewdrops drop
If dewdrops do drop dew.
A toast to you:
You always know how to make everything butter.
What happens when a cow stops shaving?
It grows a Moostache.
What do you call a crab that throws things?
Lobster
In the 1970s, hippies loved going to a Grateful Dead concert and getting toasted. That’s certainly the truth.
I'm going to tell you all a story about strawberries.....
Once a punnet time....
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
The pineapple is pining for the summer.
What’s a gardener’s favorite type of trousers? Ones with turnips.
The only thing that looks like half a strawberry is the other half.
I have so mushroom in my heart for you.
Hope you’re wide open on [date].
Any noise annoys an oyster but a noisy noise annoys an oyster more.
The next person that asks me for pineapple juice, cranberry juice, lemonade, and a slice of orange all in the same glass is gonna get a “punch.
What did the grilled cheese say to the frying pan?
You make me melt.
Why did the witch's cat scratch her?
Because he was in a bad mewd.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
I came across a great movie about a semi-truck with a defective refrigeration unit that had to deliver a large shipment of meat.
Unfortunately, the trailer spoiled it.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
In Spain, you should not develop a program beyond 2.0.
Because that would be over dos.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
Why was the football pitch a triangle?
Because someone took a corner
Why did the quarterback suddenly walk off the field?
The coach told him to take a hike!
Which search engine is popular amongst mice? Ask Cheese.
What did the pumpkin say to the jar? Soon I will be ajar too.
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
What do you say when your horse proposes to your other horse?
Call the marrier!
An ancient Greek walks into his tailor’s shop with a pair of torn pants.
‘’Euripides’’ says the tailor. ‘’Yeah, Eumenides?’’ replies the man.
What do you call a small mother in the UK?
Minimum.
Why did the werewolf laugh while chewing on the skeleton?
He got to the funny bone.
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen Pregnant? He forgot to wrap his whopper!
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
Where my prose at?
Many people seem to believe that warm water droplets get cooled fast and form fog. It's a mist-conception. Someone should de-mist-ify it.
What do you call a mosquito sitting on your spouse’s cheek?
A golden opportunity.
What music are balloons scared of? Pop music
How many astronomers will it take to just change a lightbulb? None, they like the dark.
How can a clam cram in a clean cream can?
Why did the peach think he was a pear for a while? He was feeling awfully green at first, but eventually his face became red.
What do you call a half man half horse in the middle of an army formation?
The centaur of attention.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
I tried to play a bass guitar once.
It didn't make much sound, and it slipped out of my hands and swam away.
What's yellow and always points to the north? A magnetic banana.
What do you get if you cross a baseball pitcher and a carpet?
A throw rug.
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
What do you call a skeleton who hangs out in coffee shops and listens to indie music?
A hip-ster.
Two kittens on a sloped roof.
Which one slides off first?
The one with the lowest mew.
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
What soup killed Rob Stark? Italian Wedding Massacre.
Easter and April Fools fall on the same day this year...
You could say it only happens once in a blue moon.