In Italy there is a group pf moms creating soft cheese...
They brand themselves as MOMzarella.
What hotel do cheese lover’s stay in?
The Stilton.
She saw Sherif's shoes on the sofa. But was she so sure she saw Sherif's shoes on the sofa?
Need an ark?
I noah guy.
Ski Area Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, do you believe in love at first sight, or should I go around this chairlift again?
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
A fly fell down out of nowhere on my wrist
It died on my watch.
What is the proper name for the ghost of a buffalo?
A booffalo.
Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
Where do penguins go to dance?
The snow ball!
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? Chicken Caesar Salad
As my wife was giving birth, all the doctors and nurses started yelling, “Push! Push!”
I was convinced it was a Pull door.
Happy Hour is at wine o’ clock
What do apres-ski participants in white-out blizzard conditions eat for lunch?
Icebergers. BRR!
What do you say when you want a kiss from a flower?
Plant one on me.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Q. What happens when a gorilla has a melt down?
A. He goes absolutely bananas!
I got down on one knee and asked her if she'd be the mother to my kids, she said yes...
Guess who's gonna find a bunch of losers in a box tomorrow morning at their doorstep.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
Artists are colorful people who know how to draw on their emotions.
A strawberry usually needs batteries when it runs out of juice.
Why did the barber win the race?
He took a short cut!
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
What do you call a wet teddy bear?
A drizzly bear.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl using the bathroom? Because the 'p' is silent
Red wasn't feeling very well for the past few weeks. He has been diagnosed with scarlet fever.
What do you call it when leprechauns get together after being apart?
A wee-union!
My 4-year-old son has been learning Spanish all year and he still can't say the word, please.
which I think is poor for four.
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
I yam rooting for you my sweet potato and I won't mash your heart
How can you tell which end of a worm is which?
Tickle it in the middle and see which end laughs!
What happened to the cheery that showed up for the tomato auditions? He was called an imposter.
I can heartly wait to see you.
Why couldn’t the dog fit in his clothes?
He was a little husky
Why did the farmer hang raincoats all over his orchard? Someone told him he should get an apple Mac
Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.
I'm good at manicures but bad at languages.
Although I think I would nail Polish.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
What made the truck driver finally stop farting?
He ran out of gas.
I’m establishing my punning game early today.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
Did you know that geologists are athletic? Yeah, I read it in Quartz illustrated.
What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
It was so hot that the bee's perm had become extremely unmanageable, so she turned into a frizzbee.
I’ll be there in a pinch.
I heard there are some fires near Greece
We’re gonna need a lot of baking soda.
I thought about studying the astronomy for my university. But then I thought, I would just be taking up space.