I beacha miss summer already!
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
Why did the T-Rex eat hamburgers? Because he is a meat eater!
On reflection, vampires aren't actually that scary.
Why did the sapling go to the doctor’s office? He was feeling a little green.
Why do bagpipe players walk while they play?
To get away from the noise.
After all is sled and done.
Who is a Yeti's favorite Dracula actor?
Christobrr Lee.
Why do tigers always hunt and eat their prey raw? Because they don't know how to cook it.
I once tried crossing a flamingo with a cement mixer. Sounds crazy, but I really wanted a good brick layer.
What do you call it when a beautiful woman tries to trick you into giving her a pig?
A bae con.
Engineers like to Solve Problems but...
If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own.
The young lady had to throw her toaster in the trash. She was diagnosed as black-toast intolerant.
My husband asked me to sync his phone. So I threw it in the sea - not sure why he is upset.
I read a bunch of news articles dealing with lightning strikes recently.
I'm trying to keep myself knowledgeable about current events.
Mom: Why did you shave the peaches!
Dad: The recipe asked for nectarines.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
What do you call a snowman in July?
A puddle.
There was a knock at the door this morning. I opened it and there was a wash basin on the doorstep.
I thought, "I'd better let this sink in."
No one laughed at my soup puns. I said "When I crack a soup joke, everyone is soup-posed to laugh".
My mom told me that sitting on a computer 8 hours a day in unhealthy
I said: But, mom that's why I am using a chair.
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
What is a naughty beavers' favorite type of wood ever? Knotty pine.
What happens if an elf catches you being naughty?
Yule be sorry!
If you put a strawberry in the freezer, you can make a strawberry shake!
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
Scissors sizzle, thistles sizzle.
What martial art do monkeys practice?
Flung Poo.
Me and my ears hate badminton so much
It's making a racket.
What does a tiger say to his friends before eating a meal? "Let us prey!"
What's all wet and likes to shake? It's an earthquake on a rainy day.
What do you call a perfume that missed its deadline?
Eau de too late.
When does a hot dog have a close shave? At the barber-cue!
Why did the bunny cross the road? He wanted to prove he could hip hop!
What do you call a bird that can fix anything?
Duck Tape.
Witch doctors write their prescriptions in curse-ive.
How do berries start off the fruity olympics? They cherry the Olympic torch around the globe.
Why was the bus musician so excited? He just got a 'ride-ing' ovation!
Why do dwarves live in mountains?
They dig it.
What do you call a fly with no Wings?
A walk.
What do chess players from the Czech Republic call their friends?
Czech-mates.
Where do you go to learn how to make ice cream?
Sundae school.
What did the dog say to its fleas?
Stop bugging me
What do you give a sick penguin?
Tweetment.
Son: Hey Dad, why do you have your ear right up to that computer?
Dad: I’m listening to A Dell
The Queen of the Nile was said to always show a bit of leg...
but Nefertiti.
What did the dog say when he sat down on sand paper?
Rough.
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
Why did the cow go to space?
to get ice cream.
Where do you get frog's eggs?
At the spawn shop.