The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
This whole birthday thing is getting old, don’t you think?
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
I keep telling my wife I want a Segway for my birthday.
But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.
What did the boy without hands get for his birthday?
Nobody knows, he hasn't got the package open yet.
For the record, you’re not old, you’re a classic.
For my birthday, my friends gave me a bunch of dirt and sand.
I appreciated the sediment.
They say everything gets better with age.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
More candles means a bigger wish!
Hey shawty, it’s sherbert day.
Birthday candles don’t exercise because they burn out too quickly!
You are one candle closer to starting a house fire.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
How do pickles celebrate their birthdays? They relish them.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ....
You know, one would have been enough.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
What is every horses birthday wish?
A stable economy.
You feta have a gouda birthday.
You did a grape job raisin me. Happy birthday!
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
My girlfriend made me one of those sculpted 3D cakes for my birthday but wouldn't stop reminding me how it took her all day to decorate it..
..which is surprising since to me it looked like a piece of cake.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
You are aged to perfection.
Congrats on proving that getting older doesn’t mean getting wiser.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
You know you are getting older when the candles don’t fit on the cake.
Does a green candle burn longer than a pink candle? No they both burn shorter.
For my girlfriend's birthday I got her a dwarfish clown who told jokes...
It wasn't a great gift, but she appreciated the jester.
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
I hope the only things that blow are candles and balloons. Have a great birthday!
Behind every great parent is a great kid. Happy birthday!
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.
It was my wife's birthday the other day
I took her to an orchard and we stood there for 20 minutes.
Apparently it wasn't the Apple watch she wanted.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
Why do pieces of popcorn always have great birthdays? Because they’re always popping!
Wedding cake tastes just like Birthday cake
It just takes more commitment.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
What type of music is scary for birthday balloons? Pop music!
I just bought my friend a mini fridge for his birthday
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.