Honey

Her Italian Vacation
Her Italian Vacation A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport. “Thank you honey,” she says, “Is there anything I can bring back for you?” He laughs, and says, “An Italian girl!” When the conference is over, he meets her up at the airport and asks, “How was the trip?” “Very good,” she replies. “And what happened to my present?” “Which present?” she asks. “The one I asked for - an Italian girl!” “Oh, that. I did what I could. We’ll just have to wait 9 months to see if it’s a girl.”
Look Honey, a cactus!
I haven't seen that many pricks in one place since your family was in for Thanksgiving!
There was a Scotsman named McFee,
who got stung on his balls by a bee,
he made tonnes of money,
by producing lots of honey,
every time he went for a pee.
My wife screamed in pain during labor.
I asked, “What’s wrong?”.
She screamed. “These contractions are killing me!!”
“I am sorry, honey.” I replied. “What is wrong?”
One mamma cow and four baby calves. The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, "Momma, why is my name Rose?" The mommy cow replies, "Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born." The next calf comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?" The mother replies, "Because honey, a lily petal fell on your head when you were born." The third baby comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Daisy?" The momma cow again replieds" Well, when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head." The final baby walks over and says, "Duh huh guh nuh!" The momma cow says, "Shut up, Cinderblock."
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honey combs!
Why do bears have sticky fur?
Because they use honey combs.
Is it me or the nature of money,
That's odd and particularly funny.
But when I have dough,
It goes quickly, you know,
And seeps out of my pockets like honey.
There was an Old Man of Kilkenny,
Who never had more than a penny;
He spent all that money,
In onions and honey,
That wayward Old Man of Kilkenny.
When you’re smooching with your honey, and your nose is kinda runny, you may think it’s kinda funny, but it snot.
Girlfriend was working on the motorcycle with me the other day...
She exclaimed "God! This is ridiculous. I need, like, four arms to do this!".

To which I replied "but honey, you DO have forearms!"
The Prisoner Has Escaped
The Prisoner Has Escaped A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about s*x. Can you explain it to me first?" "Okay, sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is put the prisoner in the prison." And they made love for the first time and the husband was smiling with satisfaction. Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped." Turning on his side, he smiles and says, "Then we will have to re-imprison him." After the second time, the bride says, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!" The husband rises to the occasion and they made love again. A few minutes later the bride again says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again!" The husband rolls over and yells, "Hey, it's not a life sentence!!!"
If I were a furry bear.
And had a furry tummy.
I'd climb into a honey jar
And make my tummy yummy!
I eat my peas with honey.
I've done it all my life.
It makes the peas taste funny.
But it keeps them on the knife!
If your gonna be two faced, honey at least make one of them pretty.
Exasperated, I threw my hands up in the air and shouted at my wife, "I'm not a complete idiot!" She smiled at me and purred, "I know honey."
"Some parts are missing."
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."