Airport

Don't Panic
Don't Panic Harold and Al were on a small chartered airplane when the pilot suddenly had a heart attack. "Don`t Panic," cried Harold heroically. "I`ll land this baby!" Seizing the controls he headed for the runway at LaGuardia Airport, and began wrestling the diving plane to the ground. Just as the wheels touched the ground, Al screamed, "Red lights!! Right in front of you!" Immediately Harold threw the engine in reverse and jammed on the brakes, bringing the plane to a violent stop just inches from the edge of the lights. "Brother!" he puffed, wiping his brow. "That sure was a short runway!" "Yeah," agreed Al, looking side to side, "but look how WIDE it is."
Yo mama so fat she got arrested at the airport for ten pounds of crack.
We must be near an airport, because my heart just took off when I saw you!
Who On Earth Are You, Then?
Who On Earth Are You, Then? A photographer from a well know national magazine was assigned to cover the fires at Yellowstone National Park. The magazine wanted to show the heroic work of the fire fighters as they battled the blaze. When the photographer arrived, he realized that the smoke was so thick that it would seriously impede or make it impossible for him to photograph anything from ground level. He requested permission to rent a plane and take photos from the air. His request was approved and arrangements were made. He was told to report to a nearby airport where a plane would be waiting for him. He arrived at the airport and saw a plane warming up near the gate. He jumped in with his bag and shouted, "Let's go!" The pilot swung the little plane into the wind, and within minutes they were in the air. The photographer said, "Fly over the park and make two or three low passes so I can take some pictures." "Why?" asked the pilot. "Because I am a photographer," he responded, "and photographers take photographs." The pilot was silent for a moment; finally he stammered, "You mean you're not the flight instructor?"
An Old Canadian in Paris
An Old Canadian in Paris An elderly Canadian gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane. At the French customs desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag. "You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked, sarcastically. The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously. "Then you should know enough to have your passport ready." The Canadian said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it." "Impossible, Canadians always have to show your passports on arrival in France!" The Canadian senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look, then he quietly explained, "Well, when I came ashore at Juno Beach on D Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find a single Frenchmen to show it to."
Why did the detective lose his second job at the airport?
He kept cracking cases.
I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. I lost my case.
A photon is going through airport security. The TSA agent asks if he has any luggage. The photon says, "No, I'm traveling light."
Man wakes up and says nothing. Wife annoyed shouts, “You’ve forgotten what day it is haven’t you.”
Man goes to work and confides to a colleague, “I think I forgot my wife’s birthday.”
“Not a problem,” he replies. Just go out and buy her a beautiful new dress and a pearl necklace.”
After work the man races home and showers his wife with gifts.
“Oh darling,” she replies, “ what a beautiful new outfit to pick my mother up from the airport in.”
The Wifi Password
The Wifi Password A man goes into a bar in the airport and asks the bartender what the password is to their wi-fi. Bartender: You need to buy a drink first. Me: Okay, I'll have a coke. Bartender: Is Pepsi okay? Me: Sure. How much is that? Bartender: $3 Me: There you go. So, what's the wi-fi password? Bartender: You need to buy a drink first. No spaces, all lowercase.
What type of chocolate do they sell at the airport?
Plane Chocolate!
What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport? Plane Chocolate!
Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?