Airport Jokes

An Old Canadian in Paris
An Old Canadian in Paris An elderly Canadian gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane. At the French customs desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag. "You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked, sarcastically. The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously. "Then you should know enough to have your passport ready." The Canadian said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it." "Impossible, Canadians always have to show your passports on arrival in France!" The Canadian senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look, then he quietly explained, "Well, when I came ashore at Juno Beach on D Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find a single Frenchmen to show it to."
While visiting an airport, my friend asked me to duck when a plane went above our heads.
Guess the Airline...
Guess the Airline... A man is sitting in the bar at a busy airport. A beautiful woman walks in and sits down next to him. He presumes, because she's got a uniform on, she's probably an off duty flight attendant. So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for thereby impressing her greatly. He leans across to her and says the Delta Airline motto: "We love to fly and it shows". The woman looks at him blankly. He sits back and thinks up another line. He leans forward again and delivers the Air France motto: "Winning the hearts of the world". Again she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on her face. Undeterred, he tries again, this time saying the Malaysian Airlines motto: "Going beyond expectations". The woman looks at him wearily and says: "What the heck do you WANT, moron?" "Ah!" he says, sitting back with a smile on his face. "American Airlines..."
Crows prefer carrion, so their bags are never checked at the airport.
The Wifi Password
The Wifi Password A man goes into a bar in the airport and asks the bartender what the password is to their wi-fi. Bartender: You need to buy a drink first. Me: Okay, I'll have a coke. Bartender: Is Pepsi okay? Me: Sure. How much is that? Bartender: $3 Me: There you go. So, what's the wi-fi password? Bartender: It's you-need-to-buy-a-drink-first. No spaces, all lowercase.
“Animals may be our friends, but they won’t pick you up at the airport."
- Bobcat Goldthwait
Her Italian Vacation
Her Italian Vacation A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport. “Thank you honey,” she says, “Is there anything I can bring back for you?” He laughs, and says, “An Italian girl!” When the conference is over, he meets her up at the airport and asks, “How was the trip?” “Very good,” she replies. “And what happened to my present?” “Which present?” she asks. “The one I asked for - an Italian girl!” “Oh, that. I did what I could. We’ll just have to wait 9 months to see if it’s a girl.”
Hey Girl are you my checked in luggage? 'Cause I’d wait an eternity for you at the airport.
Is there an airport nearby? Or is that just my heart taking off?
A Plain Landing
A Plain Landing Harold and Al were on a small chartered airplane when the pilot suddenly had a heart attack. "Don`t Panic," cried Harold heroically. "I`ll land this baby!" Seizing the controls he headed for the runway at LaGuardia Airport, and began wrestling the diving plane to the ground. Just as the wheels touched the ground, Al screamed, "Red lights!! Right in front of you!" Immediately Harold threw the engine in reverse and jammed on the brakes, bringing the plane to a violent stop just inches from the edge of the lights. "Brother!" he puffed, wiping his brow. "That sure was a short runway!" "Yeah," agreed Al, looking side to side, "but look how WIDE it is."
Who On Earth Are You, Then?
Who On Earth Are You, Then? A photographer from a well know national magazine was assigned to cover the fires at Yellowstone National Park. The magazine wanted to show the heroic work of the fire fighters as they battled the blaze. When the photographer arrived, he realized that the smoke was so thick that it would seriously impede or make it impossible for him to photograph anything from ground level. He requested permission to rent a plane and take photos from the air. His request was approved and arrangements were made. He was told to report to a nearby airport where a plane would be waiting for him. He arrived at the airport and saw a plane warming up near the gate. He jumped in with his bag and shouted, "Let's go!" The pilot swung the little plane into the wind, and within minutes they were in the air. The photographer said, "Fly over the park and make two or three low passes so I can take some pictures." "Why?" asked the pilot. "Because I am a photographer," he responded, "and photographers take photographs." The pilot was silent for a moment; finally he stammered, "You mean you're not the flight instructor?"
Why doesn’t Frankenstein go on airplanes?
He can’t get past the airport metal detector.
I was arrested at the airport. Just because I was greeting my cousin Jack!
All that I said was "Hi Jack", but very loud.
What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport?
Plane chocolate
I drank alot of alcohol at the airport last night.
I now have a terminal hangover.
I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport puns.
I think it may be terminal
A security guard at an airport informs the pilot of a man trying to sneak contraband onto an airplane.
The pilot responds, "That's not going to fly."
Los Angeles International Airport should sell their own brand of laxatives called LAXatives.
How do you reply to an email about someone freaking out at the Los Angeles International Airport?
Re:LAX
I was waiting at the airport baggage carousel, and noticed that everyone else had a better bag than me.
It was ....the worst case scenario.
I sued the airport authorities because they misplaced my belongings
I lost the case
Want to start your day laughing? Register to our Daily Joke!
Did you mean:
Continue With: Facebook Google
By continuing, you agree to our T&C and Privacy Policy