Here, look at this blank piece of paper for a second… I wrote every reason why we should stick together on it.
Did we fall from the sky? Because we look pretty broken up right now.
Hey, are you an anchor? Because you've done nothing but weigh me down.
I think we need to become better strangers.
I think we need to become better strangers.
Hey babe, how about I plan a romantic weekend get away, and while I’m gone you can pack your shit and GTFO?
Our relationship is like my financial status: Broke.
Hey babe, are you the Mcdonald's Ice Cream Machine, because you just aren't working for me anymore.
I don’t know what I’d do without you, but starting tomorrow I’m going to give it a try.
I just can't take the bad s*x anymore.
You looked better when I was drunk.
I’d better get a library card, because I’m checking out of this relationship.
Whoa, Heaven must be missing an angel! Because you’re dead to me.
Are you a dollar bill? Because you’re single.
Honey, I need you to cancel my subscription. I’m done with your issues.
Raise your hand if you have a boyfriend.
Not so fast
Hey Pumpkin, I just wanted to say that I'm done with having Halloween every day.
Do those legs go all the way? Because you should use them to go away.
Are you dessert because I'm finished.
The mothership has returned and I must leave.
Hey, let's hold a costume party. You can be a bank, and I can be alone!
I see my future like how the Americans spell colour. Without u.
Dinosaurs represent our relationship, because they both don’t exist anymore.”
What do deer doctors specialise in? Hart surgery!
We must be a cast on a spiral fracture, girl. Because we’re on a serious break.
Are you a thief? Because you stole a year of my life.
Dang girl, are you an angel? Because you are dead to me.
It's not you...it's your taste in music.
Hey baby, I think I'm going blind. Because I can't see you anymore.
Sorry sweety, but I think I'm in love with your mom.
It's time to be like a kit-kat and split up.
Remember when I asked you out? Well, I was talking to the girl behind you.
Are you a parking ticket? Because you're evidence that I made a mistake.
Wanna see a magic trick? Abrakadabra, you're single now.
Aside from being single, what do you do for a living?
How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the thin ice our relationship is on.
Hey, remember back when we were a thing… Yeah… Good times.
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
Me: Did it hurt?
Her: Did what hurt?
Me: When the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
Are you the dog? Because your shit’s all over the lawn.
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because you get picked up by random guys on the bus.
Will you be the sun in my life? Then stay millions of miles away from me.
I think this has been said somewhere else.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
But I don't care
Cause I'm leaving you.
Is it hot in here or is this relationship suffocating me?
Roses are red
And you gotta go
Because I found out
That you is a ho.
Girl, If you were a fruit you'd be a can't-elope.
It’s not you – it’s me. I don’t like you anymore.
I expected some baggage with our relationship but I didn’t expect the cargo of the Titanic to come floating to the surface.
What does a deer hang on its Christmas tree?
“Horn – aments.”
Girl you're looking like a snack and I'm going on a diet.
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