Our relationship is like my financial status: Broke.
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because there's a new issue with you every f**king day.
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
Roses are red
Violets are blue
You made my life a mess
Please call a clean-up crew
I expected some baggage with our relationship but I didn’t expect the cargo of the Titanic to come floating to the surface.
Are you a New Years resolution? Because we stopped working out after the first two weeks
They say one man's trash is another man's treasure. I hope you find someone who treasures you.
Can we still share a netflix account?
I will always cherish my initial misconceptions of you.
Girl, If you were a fruit you'd be a can't-elope.
It's time to be like a kit-kat and split up.
Hey, are you an anchor? Because you've done nothing but weigh me down.
Baby are you an angel? Because I'm a atheist.
We need to cover more ground so we should split up.
Roses are red
And you gotta go
Because I found out
That you is a ho.
You are so right. And I am so left.
Is it hot in here or is this relationship suffocating me?
Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.
I just can't take the bad s*x anymore.
Hey baby, are you in a tunnel? Because we’re breaking up.
Hey girl, you must be a math book because you’re full of problems.
Are you dessert because I'm finished.
Damn girl, are you a magician’s assistant? Because I want you to disappear from my life.
Hey babe, I think its about time we cancel our gym membership. We're not working out anymore
Roses are red
Violets are blue
But I don't care
Cause I'm leaving you.
Hey, remember back when we were a thing… Yeah… Good times.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put I at the beginning and U at the end.
Hey babe do you need crutches? Cause I can’t stand you anymore.
Are you a fire alarm? because you are really freaking loud and annoying
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Girl its been fun
But im leaving you
What’s your sign? Mine is stop.
It’s not you – it’s me. I don’t like you anymore.
Are you a parking ticket? Because you're evidence that I made a mistake.
Are you a dollar bill? Because you’re single.
Hey baby, I think I'm going blind. Because I can't see you anymore.
You look like my future ex wife.
This relationship is kinda like the Superbowl LIII halftime show; I can’t wait for it to be over.
Are you a thief? Because you stole a year of my life.
You looked better when I was drunk.
I'm not gay but I'll learn.
Wanna see a magic trick? Abrakadabra, you're single now.
Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery after three years?
Hey baby are you American cheese because you come as a single now.
Hey, baby. I'm calling myself Han because you need to be Solo.
Hey baby, you know what sounds good? You and me never speaking to each other again.
How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the thin ice our relationship is on.
Hey babe, how about I plan a romantic weekend get away, and while I’m gone you can pack your shit and GTFO?
The mothership has returned and I must leave.
Sorry sweety, but I think I'm in love with your mom.
Hey, let's hold a costume party. You can be a bank, and I can be alone!
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