How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the thin ice our relationship is on.
Will you be the sun in my life? Then stay millions of miles away from me.
I think this has been said somewhere else.
It’s not you – it’s me. I don’t like you anymore.
Hey, let's hold a costume party. You can be a bank, and I can be alone!
I will always cherish my initial misconceptions of you.
Hey baby are you American cheese because you come as a single now.
I think we need to become better strangers.
Are you the dog? Because your shit’s all over the lawn.
Are you a thief? Because you stole a year of my life.
We should make like your parents and split.
Are you a fire alarm? because you are really freaking loud and annoying
Hey baby, I think I'm going blind. Because I can't see you anymore.
Are you a parking ticket? Because you're evidence that I made a mistake.
It's not you...it's your taste in music.
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because there's a new issue with you every f**king day.
Do those legs go all the way? Because you should use them to go away.
You’re the girl that everybody wants. Today is their lucky day.
Did we fall from the sky? Because we look pretty broken up right now.
What do deer doctors specialise in? Hart surgery!
You are so right. And I am so left.
Hey babe, are you the Mcdonald's Ice Cream Machine, because you just aren't working for me anymore.
I don’t know what I’d do without you, but starting tomorrow I’m going to give it a try.
We should make like the Soviet Union and split up.
Hey, baby. I'm calling myself Han because you need to be Solo.
Dang girl, are you an angel? Because you are dead to me.
Let’s make like an atom, and split.
Hear that sound? (cup hand to ear) Yep- that's a dump truck, and it's coming for you!
You remind me of Halley's Comet. I don't wanna see you again for another 74 years.
I just can't take the bad s*x anymore.
I'm not gay but I'll learn.
The Best Break Up Lines
Want to know a joke? Our relationship.
I expected some baggage with our relationship but I didn’t expect the cargo of the Titanic to come floating to the surface.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
But I don't care
Cause I'm leaving you.
It’s a good thing we’re bad at puzzles because there is no way we’re putting this shit back together.
Damn girl, are you a magician’s assistant? Because I want you to disappear from my life.
Are you a fidget spinner? Because the last time I had fun with you was forever ago and I’m not really interested in touching you anymore. I’m pretty sure you were just a phase and now I’d really like to get you out of my house and forget it ever happened.
I really like you. So does my wife.
Here, look at this blank piece of paper for a second… I wrote every reason why we should stick together on it.
Let’s make like a banana and split.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Girl its been fun
But im leaving you
Are you an astronaut? Because I need some space.
Aside from being single, what do you do for a living?
Are you a dollar bill? Because you’re single.
Hey babe, I think its about time we cancel our gym membership. We're not working out anymore
Me: Did it hurt?
Her: Did what hurt?
Me: When the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
It's time to be like a kit-kat and split up.
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
I think we need to become better strangers.
There's something I've been wanting to say since the day we met. Goodbye.
Hey, remember back when we were a thing… Yeah… Good times.
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