Chuck Norris Jokes

You enter this section at your own discretion, there is nothing we can do for you if Chuck Norris discovers you've been here...

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didn’t work.
When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed.
Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.
When Chuck Norris moved out, his dad became the man of the house.
The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris CAN touch this.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 people
Then the grenade exploded.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
In the Beginning there was nothing … then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked nothing and told it to get a job.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.
Earlier today I was wondering if it was possible to abort Chuck Norris..
..then I realized he was aborted.
Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris can ski up a mountain.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died?
His Shoe.
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