Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key, because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
Chuck Norris is a coward!
If that sucker was so brave as people say he would show up here right now and smash my head against my key
Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
Chuck Norris fell down from a 10 story building.
people start gathering around him, asking "What happened? what happened?"
Chuck: "Don't know, I just got here."
Chuck Norris can ski up a mountain.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Chuck Norris can only have Chuck Norris as babies.
Because all of his genes are dominant.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of Pi.
How does Chuck Norris sharpen his blades?
By shaving with them.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris can beat his reflection at rock paper scissors.
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...
And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at a Burger King. He got it.
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
When Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity... he got it back.
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Chuck Norris caught COVID.
But then he felt bad, so he let it go.
Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?
The Three-Hole Punch.
Chuck Norris can delete the recycling bin.
Have you heard that Chuck Norris has started building non-sqaure homes?
He's on a round house kick.
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
Chuck Norris breathes air … five times a day.
Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
Chuck Norris fell into a black hole.
The black hole couldn't escape.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
In the Beginning there was nothing … then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked nothing and told it to get a job.
Chuck Norris changed a lightbulb...
With one hand he held the bulb, with the other he turned the house.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
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