Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Why did Chuck Norris wear knee pads?
He never liked Bruised Knee.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris undies.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris won a 10 minute race after giving his competitors a 10 minute head start.
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris CAN touch this.
Chuck Norris fell into a black hole.
The black hole couldn't escape.
Chuck Norris once stared into the abyss...
It blinked.
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can ski up a mountain.
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didn’t work.
Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris has died.
He has since recovered from this mild inconvenience.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity… twice.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
Chuck Norris has died aged 79.
But Death is too scared to let him know.
Chuck Norris once trew a party.
It still hasn't landed.
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Did you know Chuck Norris was in every star wars movie?
He played the force.
Chuck Norris changed a lightbulb...
With one hand he held the bulb, with the other he turned the house.
Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
Chuck Norris can only have Chuck Norris as babies.
Because all of his genes are dominant.
In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
Chuck Norris doesn't ever call the wrong number. You just answer the wrong phone.
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
It’s a little known fact that chuck Norris was dropped twice as a child.
Once on Hiroshima and once on Nagasaki.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of Pi.
Chuck Norris never retreats; He just attacks in the opposite direction.
Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the sh*t out of it.
Chuck Norris is a coward!
If that sucker was so brave as people say he would show up here right now and smash my head against my key
Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
This morning Chuck Norris was shot.
Check the news, The bullet is in critical condition
Chuck Norris can stand at the bottom of a bottomless pit.
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
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