Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
He didn't. The road moved back underneath him.
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
When Chuck Norris goes scuba diving
He gives the water the bends.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.
Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
What kind of House does Chuck Norris live in?
A Round House.
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key, because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
When Chuck Norris smokes a joint
the weed gets high of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him
So he tracked down nothing and killed it.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity… twice.
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a roof in his house
Cold and wind don't dare come in.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris can delete the recycling bin.
Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar...
The bar breaks in half.
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris just put up a new sign outside his house...
It says 'Welcome, Spanish Inquisition!'
Chuck Norris breathes air … five times a day.
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris CAN touch this.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick butt at the same time
Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.
What does Chuck Norris say when fishing?
"you, you and you, get out."
Chuck Norris can only have Chuck Norris as babies.
Because all of his genes are dominant.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light
Chuck Norris caught Covid-19 yesterday
The virus is quarantined for two weeks
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.