Have you heard that Chuck Norris has started building non-sqaure homes?
He's on a round house kick.
On the 7th day, God rested … and Chuck Norris took over.
Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes.
Chuck Norris has died aged 79.
But Death is too scared to let him know.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar...
The bar breaks in half.
Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...
And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris undies.
Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
Chuck Norris is what Willis was talkin about.
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.
How does Chuck Norris sharpen his blades?
By shaving with them.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a roof in his house
Cold and wind don't dare come in.
Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the sh*t out of it.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity… twice.
Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
Chuck Norris doesn’t shower, he only takes blood baths.
When Chuck Norris enters the room, even the chairs are standing up.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light
Chuck Norris has died.
He has since recovered from this mild inconvenience.
Chuck Norris doesn't ever call the wrong number. You just answer the wrong phone.
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke.
That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
Naming a bridge after Chuck Norris is a really bad idea
Because no one crosses Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
What happens when Chuck Norris lifts Thor Hammer?
The hammer explodes because it is not worthy.
Chuck Norris just put up a new sign outside his house...
It says 'Welcome, Spanish Inquisition!'
What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?
The Three-Hole Punch.
Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
In the Beginning there was nothing … then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked nothing and told it to get a job.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
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