Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
Chuck Norris is a coward!
If that sucker was so brave as people say he would show up here right now and smash my head against my key
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
When Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity... he got it back.
When Chuck Norris goes scuba diving
He gives the water the bends.
Chuck Norris once trew a party.
It still hasn't landed.
Chuck Norris caught Covid-19 yesterday
The virus is quarantined for two weeks
Chuck Norris never retreats; He just attacks in the opposite direction.
Chuck Norris caught COVID.
But then he felt bad, so he let it go.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
What does Chuck Norris say when fishing?
"you, you and you, get out."
Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
He didn't. The road moved back underneath him.
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of Pi.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Chuck Norris has died.
He has since recovered from this mild inconvenience.
Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes.
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a roof in his house
Cold and wind don't dare come in.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris has died aged 79.
But Death is too scared to let him know.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
What happens when Chuck Norris lifts Thor Hammer?
The hammer explodes because it is not worthy.
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Chuck Norris doesnt eat honey, he chews bees.
Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game with a marble.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar...
The bar breaks in half.
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
What kind of House does Chuck Norris live in?
A Round House.
When Chuck Norris moved out, his dad became the man of the house.
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
When Chuck Norris enters the room, even the chairs are standing up.
Chuck Norris can delete the recycling bin.
In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
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