Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died?
His Shoe.
Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
He didn't. The road moved back underneath him.
Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name in dry concrete.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
The Dead Sea used to be alive...
... but then Chuck Norris swam in it.
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can delete the recycling bin.
Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn
He sits on his porch and dares it to grow.
Did you know Chuck Norris was in every star wars movie?
He played the force.
Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
Chuck Norris has a bear rug.
No it's not dead it's just too scared to move
Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...
And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
Chuck Norris breathes air … five times a day.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
It’s a little known fact that chuck Norris was dropped twice as a child.
Once on Hiroshima and once on Nagasaki.
Why did Chuck Norris wear knee pads?
He never liked Bruised Knee.
What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?
The Three-Hole Punch.
Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes.
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris undies.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 people
Then the grenade exploded.
Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a roof in his house
Cold and wind don't dare come in.
Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
On the 7th day, God rested … and Chuck Norris took over.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at a Burger King. He got it.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of Pi.
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
Chuck Norris can stand at the bottom of a bottomless pit.
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
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