The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
It’s a little known fact that chuck Norris was dropped twice as a child.
Once on Hiroshima and once on Nagasaki.
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
Chuck Norris doesnt eat honey, he chews bees.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to flush the toilet. He simply goes "Boo!" and anything in the bowl promptly rushes away.
Chuck Norris has a gun for breakfast at ate a glock every morning.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Chuck Norris fell into a black hole.
The black hole couldn't escape.
Chuck Norris just put up a new sign outside his house...
It says 'Welcome, Spanish Inquisition!'
Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity… twice.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him
So he tracked down nothing and killed it.
Chuck Norris caught Covid-19 yesterday
The virus is quarantined for two weeks
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on,
he turns the dark off.
What kind of House does Chuck Norris live in?
A Round House.
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
When Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity... he got it back.
Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
He didn't. The road moved back underneath him.
Chuck Norris has died aged 79.
But Death is too scared to let him know.
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Chuck Norris has a bear rug.
No it's not dead it's just too scared to move
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
Chuck Norris doesn't ever call the wrong number. You just answer the wrong phone.
Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
Chuck Norris can only have Chuck Norris as babies.
Because all of his genes are dominant.
Have you heard that Chuck Norris has started building non-sqaure homes?
He's on a round house kick.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didn’t work.
Chuck Norris caught COVID.
But then he felt bad, so he let it go.
When Chuck Norris moved out, his dad became the man of the house.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
On the 7th day, God rested … and Chuck Norris took over.
Chuck Norris once stared into the abyss...
It blinked.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris undies.