The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
Chuck Norris can only have Chuck Norris as babies.
Because all of his genes are dominant.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died?
His Shoe.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
When Chuck Norris smokes a joint
the weed gets high of Chuck Norris.
It’s a little known fact that chuck Norris was dropped twice as a child.
Once on Hiroshima and once on Nagasaki.
If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
What happens when Chuck Norris lifts Thor Hammer?
The hammer explodes because it is not worthy.
One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke.
That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
How does Chuck Norris sharpen his blades?
By shaving with them.
Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key, because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
Chuck Norris’ tears can cure you of the coronavirus.
Too bad he doesn’t cry.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.
Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
Chuck Norris doesnt eat honey, he chews bees.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris caught Covid-19 yesterday
The virus is quarantined for two weeks
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
Chuck Norris never retreats; He just attacks in the opposite direction.
Chuck Norris won a 10 minute race after giving his competitors a 10 minute head start.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didn’t work.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Chuck Norris was bitten by the worlds most venemous snake.
After hours of excruciating pain and misery, the snake died.
Chuck Norris has a gun for breakfast at ate a glock every morning.
Naming a bridge after Chuck Norris is a really bad idea
Because no one crosses Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
Chuck Norris once trew a party.
It still hasn't landed.
Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed.
Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at a Burger King. He got it.
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
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