Chuck Norris once trew a party.
It still hasn't landed.
Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn
He sits on his porch and dares it to grow.
Chuck Norris’ tears can cure you of the coronavirus.
Too bad he doesn’t cry.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
When Chuck Norris goes skydiving
the earth falls toward him.
Chuck Norris changed a lightbulb...
With one hand he held the bulb, with the other he turned the house.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
The Dead Sea used to be alive...
... but then Chuck Norris swam in it.
Chuck Norris is what Willis was talkin about.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name in dry concrete.
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game with a marble.
When Chuck Norris goes scuba diving
He gives the water the bends.
Why did Chuck Norris wear knee pads?
He never liked Bruised Knee.
When Chuck Norris enters the room, even the chairs are standing up.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
Chuck Norris can stand at the bottom of a bottomless pit.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. Once.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Earlier today I was wondering if it was possible to abort Chuck Norris..
..then I realized he was aborted.
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed.
It’s a little known fact that chuck Norris was dropped twice as a child.
Once on Hiroshima and once on Nagasaki.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at a Burger King. He got it.
What does Chuck Norris say when fishing?
"you, you and you, get out."
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris was bitten by the worlds most venemous snake.
After hours of excruciating pain and misery, the snake died.
Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
He didn't. The road moved back underneath him.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
This morning Chuck Norris was shot.
Check the news, The bullet is in critical condition
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
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