Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris is what Willis was talkin about.
Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the sh*t out of it.
What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?
The Three-Hole Punch.
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris CAN touch this.
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. Once.
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris never retreats; He just attacks in the opposite direction.
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
What kind of House does Chuck Norris live in?
A Round House.
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
Chuck Norris has a gun for breakfast at ate a glock every morning.
When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed.
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a roof in his house
Cold and wind don't dare come in.
On the 7th day, God rested … and Chuck Norris took over.
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
The Dead Sea used to be alive...
... but then Chuck Norris swam in it.
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can ski up a mountain.
Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him
So he tracked down nothing and killed it.
When Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity... he got it back.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
He didn't. The road moved back underneath him.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didn’t work.
One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke.
That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
When Chuck Norris smokes a joint
the weed gets high of Chuck Norris.
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