A typical macho man married a typical good looking lady, and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules.
"I'll be home when I want, if I want, what time I want, and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table, unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card playing when I want with my old buddies, and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be s*x here at seven o'clock every night, whether you're here or not."
I went to a wedding of two nuclear technicians. The bride was radiant and the groom was glowing.
The Prisoner Has Escaped
A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about s*x. Can you explain it to me first?"
"Okay, sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is put the prisoner in the prison."
And they made love for the first time and the husband was smiling with satisfaction. Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."
Turning on his side, he smiles and says, "Then we will have to re-imprison him." After the second time, the bride says, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"
The husband rises to the occasion and they made love again.
A few minutes later the bride again says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again!"
The husband rolls over and yells, "Hey, it's not a life sentence!!!"
A groom waits at the altar with a huge smile on his face. His best man asks, "Why do you look so excited?" The groom replies, "I just had the best blow job I have ever had in my entire life, and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me." The bride waits at the other end of the aisle with a huge smile on her face. Her maid of honor asks, "Why do you look so excited?" The bride replies, "I just gave the last blow job of my entire life."
I'd make like Jacob and work seven years for you to be my bride.
The New Plaything
A young couple were married, and celebrated their first night together, doing what newlyweds do, time and time again, all night long.
Morning comes and the groom goes into the bathroom but finds no towel when he emerges from the shower.He asks the bride to please bring one from the bedroom.
When she gets to the bathroom door, he opened the door, exposing his body for the first time to his bride where she sees all of him well. Her eyes went up and down and at about midway, they stopped and stared, and she asked shyly, "What's that?", pointing to a small part of his anatomy.
He, also being shy, thought for a minute and then said, "Well, that's what we had so much fun with last night."
She, in amazement: "Is that all we have left?!?"
A young couple gets married and go on their honeymoon, the following morning the bride walks out of the shower, naked.
The husband says, “Stop.” Grabs his camera and takes a quick photo. She asks him why he took a photo when he can see her naked anytime?
He says, “So I can carry it in my wallet, close to my heart.” She smiles.
He goes to have his shower, as he comes out and she is waiting with the camera and takes his photo.
He says, “is that so you can carry my picture with you always?”
“No, it’s so I can have it enlarged.”