"I now pronounce you dumped and single. You may now kiss my ass."
I think we need to become better strangers.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
My divorce attorney
There's something I've been wanting to say since the day we met. Goodbye.
"Remember when I asked you out? Well, I was talking to the girl behind you"
Damn girl, are you a magician’s assistant? Because I want you to disappear from my life.
Are you a fire alarm? because you are really freaking loud and annoying
"We are like a broken mirror. It is better to leave it broken than hurt yourself to fix it."
"Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery after three years?"
Are you an astronaut? Because I need some space.
"It's not because I don't like you, it's because I hate you."
You are so right. And I am so left.
If you take the "L" out of LOVER. Its OVER.
"I just can't live with the pathetic tickles that you call thrusts anymore."
Roses are red
And you gotta go
Because I found out
That you is a ho.
Honey if I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put the letters "DON'T LOVE" in between I and U
This relationship is kinda like the Superbowl LIII halftime show; I can’t wait for it to be over.
Here, look at this blank piece of paper for a second… I wrote every reason why we should stick together on it.
Roses are red violets are blue sugar is sweet and so were you... but now the roses are wilted the violets are dead the sugar bowls empty and so is your head.
Dang girl, are you an angel? Because you are dead to me.
"Sorry I stopped contacting you. I had to go back to rehab."
Is it hot in here or is this relationship suffocating me?
"My cat doesn't like you."
"Really, our time together has just become more effort than you're worth."
"You're not Mr. Right.... just Mr. Right Now."
Hey baby, remember how you said that you can’t live without me? Well, it’s time to get your affairs in order….
Hey, did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because honestly, Karen, you are a demon.
I really like you. So does my wife.
"I just can't take the bad lovemaking anymore".
Let’s make like an atom, and split.
Wanna see a magic trick? Abrakadabra, you're single now.
I think it would be hot if we f**ked other people. Exclusively.
I just can't take the bad s*x anymore.
I see my future like how the Americans spell colour. Without u.
My d**k is committed to you, but my heart is not.
"Roses are red, Violets are blue. Garbage is dumped, now so are you."
What’s your sign? Mine is stop.
"I treated this relationship like my diet, one cheat day a week."
Honey, I need you to cancel my subscription. I’m done with your issues.
We must be a cast on a spiral fracture, girl. Because we’re on a serious break.
Are you the dog? Because your shit’s all over the lawn.
Hey, babe. I think it's time we take our relationship to the previous level.
"I'll always remember last night, but I think we can forget about tomorrow."
How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the thin ice our relationship is on.
Hey babe, are you the Mcdonald's Ice Cream Machine, because you just aren't working for me anymore.
What does a deer hang on its Christmas tree?
“Horn – aments.”
Are you a thief? Because you stole a year of my life.
Are you a dollar bill? Because you’re single.
Hey, are you an anchor? Because you've done nothing but weigh me down.
"You're perfect in every way, just not for me."
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