"The longer we are together, the less serious I am about you."
Are you dessert because I'm finished.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
My divorce attorney
Girl, If you were a fruit you'd be a can't-elope.
Dinosaurs represent our relationship, because they both don’t exist anymore.”
How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the thin ice our relationship is on.
"I just can't live with the pathetic tickles that you call thrusts anymore."
Are you the dog? Because your shit’s all over the lawn.
Damn girl, are you a magician’s assistant? Because I want you to disappear from my life.
"You deserve better and so do I."
"I treated this relationship like my diet, one cheat day a week."
Hear that sound? (cup hand to ear) Yep- that's a dump truck, and it's coming for you!
Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.
I don’t know what I’d do without you, but starting tomorrow I’m going to give it a try.
My d**k is committed to you, but my heart is not.
Hey, baby. I'm calling myself Han because you need to be Solo.
Hey babe do you need crutches? Cause I can’t stand you anymore.
It's not you...it's your taste in music.
You look like my future ex wife.
What’s the difference between me and your socks? I’m not yours anymore.
"Hey baby, are you being followed? Because I've been seeing people behind your back."
Hey baby, I think I'm going blind. Because I can't see you anymore.
Baby are you an angel? Because I'm a atheist.
They say one man's trash is another man's treasure. I hope you find someone who treasures you.
Hey girl, you must be a math book because you’re full of problems.
Let’s make like an atom, and split.
We should make like your parents and split.
The Best Break Up Lines
Want to know a joke? Our relationship.
"Roses are red, violets are blue. We're breaking up beacause I never loved you."
Remember when I asked you out? Well, I was talking to the girl behind you.
Me: Did it hurt?
Her: Did what hurt?
Me: When the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
Are you a fidget spinner? Because the last time I had fun with you was forever ago and I’m not really interested in touching you anymore. I’m pretty sure you were just a phase and now I’d really like to get you out of my house and forget it ever happened.
Raise your hand if you have a boyfriend.
Not so fast
Are you a fire alarm? because you are really freaking loud and annoying
Are you a thief? Because you stole a year of my life.
Knock knock. Who's there?
You're.
You're who?
You're single again.
"Remember when I asked you out? Well, I was talking to the girl behind you"
Hey baby, remember how you said that you can’t live without me? Well, it’s time to get your affairs in order….
This relationship is kinda like the Superbowl LIII halftime show; I can’t wait for it to be over.
Roses are red, violets are blue, trash is dumped and so are you.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
You made my life a mess
Please call a clean-up crew
"I wish I could say you were the most special person in the world, but you're not."
Let’s make like a banana and split.
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because there's a new issue with you every f**king day.
I see my future like how the Americans spell colour. Without u.
"Hey babe, you heard of the movie 'Other people?'"
"Yeah, why?"
"I think we should see it."
"I now pronounce you dumped and single. You may now kiss my ass."
Hey, remember back when we were a thing… Yeah… Good times.
Roses are red violets are blue sugar is sweet and so were you... but now the roses are wilted the violets are dead the sugar bowls empty and so is your head.
Aside from being single, what do you do for a living?