The complete opposite of pick up lines - Insulting instead of complimenting!

Are there people following you?
Because I'm seeing someone behind your back.
Except the direction I'm walking in.
Are you a banker?
Because you need to leave me a loan.
Are you a fortune cookie?
Because you're always wrong.
My fridge is hotter than you.
Are you a computer technician?
Because you turn my hardware into software.
Did the Lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?
Can I check the tag on your clothes?
Why, because I'm made in heaven?
No, because your sweating profusely through your armpits and I want to avoid purchasing this fabric in the future.
Are you bad WiFi?
Because I'm feeling no connection here.
If I could rearrange the alphabet I’d move U.
Because you’re blocking the TV.
What's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?
If I could rearrange the alphabet...
I'd leave it the way it is.
Are you a lumberjack?
Why, because I give you wood?
No, because you have masculine forearms and you're wearing Wranglers jeans.
Do you want to dance?
Yeah, sure.
Great, then I can sit there.
If you were a math test, I would cheat on you.
Excuse me, do you have a pen?
Then you'd better get back to it before the farmer notices you're gone.
Would you sleep with me for $100? I could really use the money.
Do you like wine?
Because that's all your doing.
When I see your face there's not a thing that I would change...
Has a guy ever walked up to you just to tell you how beautiful you are?
They must have been much drunker than I am.
So how many cats do you have?
Are you a cigarette?
Because when I'm done with your butt I'm gonna throw it away.
How much does a Polar Bear weigh?
I don't know.
About ten pounds less than you, fat-ass.
Are you the sun?
Because you should stay 93 million miles away from me.
I can tell what a woman drinks just by looking at her, and for you it's a diet coke.
Are you a red light because stop.
I'd like to get you wet. At least long enough to get you back to the ocean.
You must sprinkle extra sugar in your cereal in the morning...
Why, because I'm so sweet?
No, because you're really fat.
Do you know Santa?
Because you're not what I wanted for Christmas.
Hey girl, are you a broom?
Why, because I swept you off your feet?
No, because you're really hairy.