If you were a math test, I would cheat on you.
Can I check the tag on your clothes?
Why, because I'm made in heaven?
No, because your sweating profusely through your armpits and I want to avoid purchasing this fabric in the future.
When I see your face there's not a thing that I would change...
Are you a computer technician?
Because you turn my hardware into software.
Are you a fortune cookie?
Because you're always wrong.
If I could rearrange the alphabet I’d move U.
Because you’re blocking the TV.
If I could rearrange the alphabet...
I'd leave it the way it is.
Do you have a mirror in your pocket?
Why, because you can see yourself in my pants?
No, because I wanted to check how I look before I hit on your hot friend.
Has a guy ever walked up to you just to tell you how beautiful you are?
They must have been much drunker than I am.
Are you a lumberjack?
Why, because I give you wood?
No, because you have masculine forearms and you're wearing Wranglers jeans.
Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
Because it looks like you landed on your face.
So how many cats do you have?
Woah! You look like I need a drink.
How much does a Polar Bear weigh?
I don't know.
About ten pounds less than you, fat-ass.
Camel called.
He wants his toe back.
Do you want to dance?
Yeah, sure.
Great, then I can sit there.
Your name must be Calculus Homework, because I have no interest in doing you.
Are you a banker?
Because you need to leave me a loan.
I'd like to get you wet. At least long enough to get you back to the ocean.
Except the direction I'm walking in.
Your name must be trigonometry, because you make me want to cry.
Are you a cigarette?
Because when I'm done with your butt I'm gonna throw it away.
You must sprinkle extra sugar in your cereal in the morning...
Why, because I'm so sweet?
No, because you're really fat.
Are you the sun?
Because you should stay 93 million miles away from me.
Do you know Santa?
Because you're not what I wanted for Christmas.
Did the Lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?
Do you like wine?
Because that's all your doing.
I can tell what a woman drinks just by looking at her, and for you it's a diet coke.
From the moment I saw you, I knew I would be spending the rest of my life trying to avoid you.
Are you from Tennessee?
Because you look inbred.
What's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?
There's something gorgeous about your eyes...
Oh, that's it! It's my reflection.
I have to say “Hi” to the prettiest girl in the room… can you help me say “Hi” to that girl over there?
Are there people following you?
Because I'm seeing someone behind your back.
You're like Newton's laws.
Not perfect, but good enough.
Excuse me, do you have a pen?
Then you'd better get back to it before the farmer notices you're gone.
Are you bad WiFi?
Because I'm feeling no connection here.
Ask me if I'm a tree.
Are you a tree?
No.
Are you a fire detector?
Because you're loud and annoying.
Do you have a library card?
So you can check me out?
No, because my cat just died and I need to find a book about cat funerals.
Did you just fart?
Why, because I blew you away?
No, because you smell like sh*t.
Girl, I know your wearing Nike, but I just won't do it.
My fridge is hotter than you.
Roses are red
Violets are cheaper
If I leave silent voicemails
Please don’t call me a creeper.
Hey girl, are you a broom?
Why, because I swept you off your feet?
No, because you're really hairy.
Are you a red light because stop.
Would you sleep with me for $100? I could really use the money.
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