Anti Pick Up Lines

The complete opposite of pick up lines - Insulting instead of complimenting!

What's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?
Are you a computer technician?
Because you turn my hardware into software.
Did the Lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?
Hey girl, are you a broom?
Why, because I swept you off your feet?
No, because you're really hairy.
Except the direction I'm walking in.
Has a guy ever walked up to you just to tell you how beautiful you are?
They must have been much drunker than I am.
Are you a banker?
Because you need to leave me a loan.
I'd like to get you wet. At least long enough to get you back to the ocean.
I have to say “Hi” to the prettiest girl in the room… can you help me say “Hi” to that girl over there?
Are you a cigarette?
Because when I'm done with your butt I'm gonna throw it away.
If you were a math test, I would cheat on you.
Are you from Tennessee?
Because you look inbred.
Can I check the tag on your clothes?
Why, because I'm made in heaven?
No, because your sweating profusely through your armpits and I want to avoid purchasing this fabric in the future.
When I see your face there's not a thing that I would change...
Do you have a library card?
So you can check me out?
No, because my cat just died and I need to find a book about cat funerals.
Do you want to dance?
Yeah, sure.
Great, then I can sit there.
Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
Because it looks like you landed on your face.
I can tell what a woman drinks just by looking at her, and for you it's a diet coke.
Do you like wine?
Because that's all your doing.
If I could rearrange the alphabet I’d move U.
Because you’re blocking the TV.
Do you have a mirror in your pocket?
Why, because you can see yourself in my pants?
No, because I wanted to check how I look before I hit on your hot friend.
Did you just fart?
Why, because I blew you away?
No, because you smell like sh*t.
Your name must be Calculus Homework, because I have no interest in doing you.
Are you a fire detector?
Because you're loud and annoying.
Are you bad WiFi?
Because I'm feeling no connection here.
Camel called.
He wants his toe back.
Excuse me, do you have a pen?
Then you'd better get back to it before the farmer notices you're gone.
You're like Newton's laws.
Not perfect, but good enough.
Are you the sun?
Because you should stay 93 million miles away from me.
From the moment I saw you, I knew I would be spending the rest of my life trying to avoid you.
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