"I treated this relationship like my diet, one cheat day a week."
Roses are red
And you gotta go
Because I found out
That you is a ho.
Hey, remember back when we were a thing… Yeah… Good times.
I expected some baggage with our relationship but I didn’t expect the cargo of the Titanic to come floating to the surface.
The mothership has returned and I must leave.
Are you a New Years resolution? Because we stopped working out after the first two weeks
"There's something I've been wanting to say since the day we met - goodbye."
Roses are red, violets are blue, trash is dumped and so are you.
"It's not me, it's you!"
Will you be the sun in my life? Then stay millions of miles away from me.
I think this has been said somewhere else.
You remind me of Halley's Comet. I don't wanna see you again for another 74 years.
"I took a gamble and chose you, now i believe I made a bad bet."
It's not you...it's your taste in music.
Aside from being single, what do you do for a living?
"Look, our relationship is like doing push ups on your knees. It's just not working out"
Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery after three years?
I don’t know what I’d do without you, but starting tomorrow I’m going to give it a try.
I really like you. So does my wife.
Are you a stop watch? Because our time is up.
We should make like the Soviet Union and split up.
Knock knock. Who's there?
You're.
You're who?
You're single again.
"We are like a broken mirror. It is better to leave it broken than hurt yourself to fix it."
Here, look at this blank piece of paper for a second… I wrote every reason why we should stick together on it.
They say one man's trash is another man's treasure. I hope you find someone who treasures you.
Girl: Want to see a magic trick?
Boyfriend: Sure.
Girl: Poof you're single.
Are you dessert because I'm finished.
Are you a fire alarm? because you are really freaking loud and annoying
This relationship is kinda like the Superbowl LIII halftime show; I can’t wait for it to be over.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Girl its been fun
But im leaving you
Hey babe do you need crutches? Cause I can’t stand you anymore.
"If it's meant to be it's meant to be....but just to be clear it isn't."
Are you a parking ticket? Because you're evidence that I made a mistake.
Hey babe, are you the Mcdonald's Ice Cream Machine, because you just aren't working for me anymore.
"This isn't easy and neither are you. I'm breaking up with you."
Are you a fidget spinner? Because the last time I had fun with you was forever ago and I’m not really interested in touching you anymore. I’m pretty sure you were just a phase and now I’d really like to get you out of my house and forget it ever happened.
Knock knock. Who's there? You're - You're who? - You're single!
"Roses are red, violets are blue. We're breaking up beacause I never loved you."
Girl, have we both been rendered sightless? Because we ain’t seeing each other anymore.
Hey, let's hold a costume party. You can be a bank, and I can be alone!
It’s not you – it’s me. I don’t like you anymore.
Hear that sound? (cup hand to ear) Yep- that's a dump truck, and it's coming for you!
Do those legs go all the way? Because you should use them to go away.
"I now pronounce you dumped and single. You may now kiss my ass."
Hey Pumpkin, I just wanted to say that I'm done with having Halloween every day.
"You're not Mr. Right.... just Mr. Right Now."
Are you the dog? Because your shit’s all over the lawn.
Hey, baby. I'm calling myself Han because you need to be Solo.
What does a deer hang on its Christmas tree?
“Horn – aments.”
Wanna see a magic trick? Abrakadabra, you're single now.
Raise your hand if you have a boyfriend.
Not so fast