Let’s make like a banana and split.
"The longer we are together, the less serious I am about you."
I think we need to become better strangers.
What does a deer hang on its Christmas tree?
“Horn – aments.”
We should make like your parents and split.
"It's not because I don't like you, it's because I hate you."
I think it would be hot if we f**ked other people. Exclusively.
What do deer doctors specialise in? Hart surgery!
"We are like a broken mirror. It is better to leave it broken than hurt yourself to fix it."
I expected some baggage with our relationship but I didn’t expect the cargo of the Titanic to come floating to the surface.
Aside from being single, what do you do for a living?
Dang girl, are you an angel? Because you are dead to me.
Hey baby are you American cheese because you come as a single now.
Are you a fire alarm? because you are really freaking loud and annoying
Honey if I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put the letters "DON'T LOVE" in between I and U
Roses are red violets are blue sugar is sweet and so were you... but now the roses are wilted the violets are dead the sugar bowls empty and so is your head.
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because you get picked up by random guys on the bus.
I don’t know what I’d do without you, but starting tomorrow I’m going to give it a try.
If you take the "L" out of LOVER. Its OVER.
We need to cover more ground so we should split up.
Did we fall from the sky? Because we look pretty broken up right now.
Are you a stop watch? Because our time is up.
Our relationship is like my financial status: Broke.
I just can't take the bad s*x anymore.
"If it's meant to be it's meant to be....but just to be clear it isn't."
I will always cherish my initial misconceptions of you.
"You're not Mr. Right.... just Mr. Right Now."
Here, look at this blank piece of paper for a second… I wrote every reason why we should stick together on it.
"Really, our time together has just become more effort than you're worth."
Honey, I need you to cancel my subscription. I’m done with your issues.
Hey baby, you know what sounds good? You and me never speaking to each other again.
My d**k is committed to you, but my heart is not.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
But I don't care
Cause I'm leaving you.
Hey babe, how about I plan a romantic weekend get away, and while I’m gone you can pack your shit and GTFO?
This relationship is kinda like the Superbowl LIII halftime show; I can’t wait for it to be over.
Hey baby, I think I'm going blind. Because I can't see you anymore.
Girl you're looking like a snack and I'm going on a diet.
"Roses are red, Violets are blue. Garbage is dumped, now so are you."
We should make like the Soviet Union and split up.
Hey babe, are you the Mcdonald's Ice Cream Machine, because you just aren't working for me anymore.
We must be a cast on a spiral fracture, girl. Because we’re on a serious break.
Roses are red, violets are blue, trash is dumped and so are you.
It’s a good thing we’re bad at puzzles because there is no way we’re putting this shit back together.
Hey girl, you must be a math book because you’re full of problems.
What’s your sign? Mine is stop.
Remember when I asked you out? Well, I was talking to the girl behind you.
Knock knock. Who's there?
You're.
You're who?
You're single again.
Boy: Want to hear a joke?
Girlfriend: Sure.
Boy: Our relationship.
"Hey babe, you heard of the movie 'Other people?'"
"Yeah, why?"
"I think we should see it."
Are you an astronaut? Because I need some space.