Hey babe do you need crutches? Cause I can’t stand you anymore.
Is it hot in here or is this relationship suffocating me?
Let’s make like a banana and split.
Hey, let's hold a costume party. You can be a bank, and I can be alone!
Hey babe, I think its about time we cancel our gym membership. We're not working out anymore
I really like you. So does my wife.
Wanna see a magic trick? Abrakadabra, you're single now.
Hey babe, how about I plan a romantic weekend get away, and while I’m gone you can pack your shit and GTFO?
Dinosaurs represent our relationship, because they both don’t exist anymore.”
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because there's a new issue with you every f**king day.
Hear that sound? (cup hand to ear) Yep- that's a dump truck, and it's coming for you!
"Hey babe, you heard of the movie 'Other people?'"
"Yeah, why?"
"I think we should see it."
Will you be the sun in my life? Then stay millions of miles away from me.
I think this has been said somewhere else.
Are you dessert because I'm finished.
Girl you're looking like a snack and I'm going on a diet.
You are so right. And I am so left.
If you take the "L" out of LOVER. Its OVER.
"Maybe this is not the right time for us"
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put I at the beginning and U at the end.
"We are like a broken mirror. It is better to leave it broken than hurt yourself to fix it."
"This isn't easy and neither are you. I'm breaking up with you."
I just can't take the bad s*x anymore.
Hey baby are you American cheese because you come as a single now.
What does a deer hang on its Christmas tree?
“Horn – aments.”
Baby are you an angel? Because I'm a atheist.
Are you a stop watch? Because our time is up.
Honey, I need you to cancel my subscription. I’m done with your issues.
"Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery after three years?"
"The longer we are together, the less serious I am about you."
Roses are red violets are blue sugar is sweet and so were you... but now the roses are wilted the violets are dead the sugar bowls empty and so is your head.
Do those legs go all the way? Because you should use them to go away.
Are you a dollar bill? Because you’re single.
Hey babe, are you the Mcdonald's Ice Cream Machine, because you just aren't working for me anymore.
"I just can't live with the pathetic tickles that you call thrusts anymore."
"Roses are red, Violets are blue. Garbage is dumped, now so are you."
"You're not Mr. Right.... just Mr. Right Now."
I think it would be hot if we f**ked other people. Exclusively.
You looked better when I was drunk.
There's something I've been wanting to say since the day we met. Goodbye.
Are you an astronaut? Because I need some space.
My d**k is committed to you, but my heart is not.
I think we need to become better strangers.
I see my future like how the Americans spell colour. Without u.
I'm not gay but I'll learn.
"Is it hot in here or is this relationship suffocating me?"
Hey Pumpkin, I just wanted to say that I'm done with having Halloween every day.
It's time to be like a kit-kat and split up.
"Look, our relationship is like doing push ups on your knees. It's just not working out"
"There's something I've been wanting to say since the day we met - goodbye."
This relationship is kinda like the Superbowl LIII halftime show; I can’t wait for it to be over.
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