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float a loan Jokes

float a loan Jokes and more.
With Age Comes Wisdom
A 75 year old woman had one hobby - she loved to fish. She was sitting in his boat the other day when she heard a voice say, 'Pick me up.' she looked around and couldn't see anyone. She thought she was dreaming when she heard the voice say again, 'Pick me up!' She looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog. The woman said, 'Are you talking to me?' The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up, then kiss me; and I'll turn into the most beautiful man you have ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous, because I will be your groom!' The woman looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully and placed it in her shirt pocket. The frog said, 'What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said?' I said, 'Kiss me, and I will be your beautiful husband.' She opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, 'Nah. At my age, I'd rather have a talking frog.' With age - comes wisdom!
Ice Cream Puns
How do astronauts eat their ice cream? In floats!
How do astronauts like to eat their ice cream?
Floats.
Advice From Murphy
A few Murphy Laws and Advice... Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock. To Err is human, to forgive is not a COMPANY policy. The road to success??.. Is always under construction. Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk. In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it. All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or fattening. Since Light travels faster than Sound, people appear brighter before you hear them speak. Everyone has a scheme of getting rich.. Which never works. If at first you don't succeed.. Destroy all evidence that you ever tried. You can never determine which side of the bread to butter. If it falls down, it will always land on the buttered side. Anything dropped on the floor will roll over to the most inaccessible corner. 42.7% of all statistics are made on the spot. If you have paper, you don't have a pen. If you have a pen, you don't have paper. If you have both, no one calls. After a long wait for bus no.20, two 20 number buses will always pull in together and the bus which you get in will be crowded than the other. The last person to be fired or quit is responsible for all the errors until another person is fired or quits.
Honesty ISN'T Always the Best Policy
Once there was a little boy that lived in the country with his father. They had to use an outhouse, and the little boy hated it because it was hot in the summer and cold in the winter - and stank all the time. The outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek and the boy determined that one day he would push that outhouse into the creek. One day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen and the little boy decided that that was the day to push the outhouse into the creek. So he got a large stick and started pushing. Finally, the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away. That night his dad told him they were going to the woodshed after supper. Knowing that meant a spanking, the little boy asked why. The dad replied, "Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you, wasn't it son?" The boy answered yes. Then he thought a moment and said, "Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree and didn't get into trouble because he told the truth." The dad replied, "Well, son, George Washington's father wasn't in the cherry tree."
One Liners for Kids
What do you call a computer floating in the ocean? A Dell Rolling in the Deep.
Pig Puns
When a pig takes out a loan, he becomes a boar-ower.
When a pig takes out a loan, he becomes a boar-ower.
Pick Up Lines
Are you a bank loan? Because you got my interest!
Rabbit Puns
How do you make a rabbit float? Put soda, syrup, and milk into a glass. Add one rabbit.
Christian Pick Up Lines
Hey girl, you sure float my Ark.
Ancient Greek Monster Puns
Why are Minotaurs always broke?
Because their loan sharks are always milking them dry!
Tennis Puns
Ana hits a lot of floating shots that her opponents destroy for winners. We need to sitter down and have a talk.
Classic Pick Up Lines
Would you mind loaning me a quarter? I want to call my mother and tell her I just met the woman of my dreams.
Dinosaur Puns
How do you make a dinosaur float? Put a scoop of ice cream in a glass of root beer, and add one dinosaur.
Fish Puns
What do you call a fish that floats on the surface?
Bob.
Volleyball Puns
Why do volleyball players love to swim? They like diving in the deep and then floating in the shallow.
Swimming Puns
Summer is just floating by.
Spending time at the pool really floats my boat.
Leg Puns
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in a pool?
Bob.
The Redneck and the Gator
A filthy rich Florida man decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors. He also invited Leroy, the only redneck in the neighborhood. He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters and BBQ and flirting with all the women. At the height of the party, the host said, 'I have a 10-foot man-eating gator in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the nerve to jump in. The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash. Everyone turned around and saw Leroy in the pool! Leroy was fighting the gator and kicking its rear! Leroy was jabbing it in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, head butts and choke holds, biting the gator on the tail and flipping it through the air like some kind of judo instructor. The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Leroy and the gator were screaming and raising heck. Finally, Leroy strangled the gator and let it float to the top like a dime store goldfish. Leroy then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief. Finally, the host says, 'Well, Leroy, I reckon I owe you a million dollars.' 'No, that's okay. I don't want It,' said Leroy. The rich man said, 'Man, I have to give you something - you won the bet. How about half a million bucks then? No thanks, I don't want it,' answered Leroy. The host said, 'Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?' Again Leroy said no. Confused, the rich man asked, 'Well, Leroy, then what do you want?' 'I want the name of the summamabich that pushed me in the pool!'
The Special Golf Ball
Two friends went out to play golf and were about to tee off when one fellow noticed that his partner had but one golf ball. "Don't you have at least one other golf ball?", he asked. The other guy replied that no, he only needed the one. "Are you sure?", the friend persisted. "What happens if you lose that ball?" The other guy replied, "This is a very special golf ball. I won't lose it so I don't need another one." Well," the friend asked, "what happens if you miss your shot and the ball goes in the lake?" "That's okay," he replied, "this special golf ball floats. I'll be able to retrieve it." "Well, what happens if you hit it into the trees and it gets lost among the bushes and shrubs?" The other guy replied, "That's okay too. You see, this special golf ball has a homing beacon. I'll be able to get it back - no problem." Exasperated, the friend asks, "Okay. Let's say our game goes late, the sun goes down, and you hit your ball into a sand trap. What are you going to do then?" "No problem," says the other guy, "you see, this ball is fluorescent. I'll be able to see it in the dark." Finally satisfied that he needs only the one golf ball, the friend asks, "Hey, where did you get a golf ball like that anyway?" The other guy replies, "I found it."
Ghost Puns
What is a Ghost’s favourite treat? Ice-scream floats.
River Puns
The dock keeps floating above the river because of the pier- pressure.
Goat Puns
Whatever floats your goat.
Bowling Puns
In the history of bowling, there is one bowler who floats like a butterfly and stings pretty much like a bee. His name is Muhammad Alley.
Space Pick Up Lines
This love feels like floating endlessly in outer space and looking for your pretty lost smiles.
Every time I look at you, I feel like an astronaut. Your beauty makes me float.
Heart Puns
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
Puns
Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
Noah - he was floating his stock while everyone was in liquidation.
Thank you student loans for getting me through college.
I don't think I can ever repay you.
Boat Puns
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
Real Estate Puns
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
Are You Pick Up Lines
Are you a bank loan? Well, you’ve certainly got my interest.
If I Had a Dollar... Jokes
If I had a dollar every time one of my professors complained about the collapsing American democratic society, I would have a small loan of a million dollars.
The Gasing Nun
In California Unleaded gas went to $4.00 a gallon last Thursday. Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas. Fortunately, an Exxon station was just a block away. She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned. Since Sister Mary Ann was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait, and walked back to her car. She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas, and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car. As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Baptist ladies watched from across the street. One of them turned to the other and said, 'If it starts, I'm turning Catholic.'
Monster Puns
Where do vampire bats go to take out a loan?
To the blood bank.
Water Puns
You can tell an ant’s gender by putting it in the water.
If it sinks, it’s a girl. If it floats, it’s a buoyant.
How do you know if an ant is a boy or a girl?
If you toss it in the water and it sinks, it’s a girl. If the ant floats, it’s a buoyant.
Shark Puns
What do you get when you cross a banker with a fish?
A loan shark
Funny Poems For Kids
"Sweet Treat Dream"

If my world were made of chocolate,
I know what I would do.
I'd make a chocolate mountain
And share it all with you.

We'd eat our way up to the top
Until we'd eaten every drop.
Then chocolate clouds and chocolate rain
Would float us back to Earth again.

Chocolate fields and chocolate trees,
Chocolate rivers and chocolate seas,
Chocolate people and chocolate cars,
And houses made of chocolate bars.

Chocolate coats and chocolate hats,
Chocolate dogs and chocolate cats,
Chocolate castles. Oh, what a dream.
I would be known as the Chocolate Queen.

But there's one thing that would never do,
And I know for sure that this is true.
An end would be put to all our fun
If our world had a chocolate sun!

– Gillian M. Ward
Sink Or Swim
Morty and Saul, are out one afternoon on a lake when their boat starts sinking. Saul the banker says to Morty, "So listen, Morty, you know I don't swim so well." Morty remembered how to carry another swimmer from his lifeguard class when he was just a kid, so Morty begins tugging Saul toward shore. After twenty minutes, he begins to tire. Finally about 50 feet from shore, Morty asks Saul, "So Saul, do you suppose you could float alone?" Saul was shocked. "Well this is a hell of a time to be asking for money!"
Funny Break Up Lines
I expected some baggage with our relationship but I didn’t expect the cargo of the Titanic to come floating to the surface.
Math Puns
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
Jokes For Women
“Gravity is the story of how George Clooney would rather float away into space and die than spend one more minute with a woman his own age”
Anti Pick Up Lines
Are you a banker?
Because you need to leave me a loan.
The Leather Worker
A leather worker was flying to Australia when his plan crashed. As bad luck would have it, he got separated from the rest of the floating passengers and found himself stranded on a small deserted island. Desperate to survive, the leather worker searches the island for food to eat. Luckily, he finds a herd of docile cows on the island. He successfully hunts one of the cows and skillfully cleans and prepares the cow's skin and meat for himself. With a steady supply of food, the leather worker knew it was time to find a way off the island. He decides to make a large canopy out of the cow's leather and used some leaves to spell out S.O.S that could easily be seen from above. A few days later, a passing plane spots the message, and calls a ship to rescue the man. It just goes to show you that when all else fails, the best thing to do is to hide in plane sight.