Why did the man keep going in circles? He didn't get the point.
What’s the best way to find a truly committed man?
Visit the closest mental hospital.
What do you call a man who expects to have se* on the second date? Patient!
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking? They all already have boyfriends.
Why shouldn’t you trust a guy who claims he “wears the pants”?
He probably lies about other stuff too.
Why don't women blink during se*? There isn't enough time.
What does a man consider a seven-course meal? A hot dog and a six pack of beer.
What's the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man? Big Foot has been spotted several times.
My husband said to me, "For our anniversary I want to go somewhere I've never been before."
So I said, "Try the kitchen!"
When a man opens the car door for his wife, you can be sure of one thing, either the car is new or the wife is.
Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.
How do you get a man to stop biting his nails? Make him wear shoes.
Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?
Him: Awww, of course!
Me: Good then stay 92.96 million miles away from me.
Why do men have a hole in their penis? So their brains can get some oxygen now and then.
What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
Men always miss them.
What’s the difference between a knife and an argumentative man?
A knife has a point.
What kind of man can you actually change?
The ones still in diapers.
Men: Bros before Hoes. Women: Sisters before Misters.
Why did God create man before woman? He didn't want any advice.
Why are men like cars? Because they always pull out before they check to see if anyone else is cumming.
Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet? Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
What do you call a Roman soldier with a smile on his face and a piece of hair between his two front teeth? A GLAD-HE-ATE-HER
What do you give a man with everything? Penicillin.
My ex husband went to a colonoscopy the other day.
Good news: They found his head!
The best way to get your husband to do something is to suggest he’s too old to do it.
Did you hear about the new "morning after" pill for men? A. It changes their DNA.
What’s the definition of a perpetual bachelor?
A man who’s missed the opportunity to make a woman miserable.
What do you call a married man vacuuming? Doing what he's told...
What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football? The sofa doesn't keep asking for beer.
How many men does it take to tile a bathroom? Two - if you slice them very thinly.
What's the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.
What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?
Four guys drinking Bud Light and watching a football game!
What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it.
What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually SEARCH for a golf ball.
What do you call 2 guys fighting over a slut? Tug-of-whore.
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I don't know, it's never happened.
How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women? Exchange him.
What did the elephant say to a naked man? Hey that's cute but can you breath through it?
If a woman sleeps with 10 men she's a slut, but if a man does it… He's gay, definitely gay.
What is the difference between a man and a tree? One is illegal to hit with an ax.
What makes a man think about a dinner by candlelight? A power failure.
What do you call a man with a car on his head? Jack
What's the most common sleeping position of a man? Around. What does a penis and an ego have in common? All men have one!
Wives want to videotape the birth of their child, while husbands want to videotape the conception.
How many men does it take to open a beer? none. the lady should already have it open on the table!
A groom waits at the altar with a huge smile on his face.
His best man asks, "Why do you look so excited?"
The groom replies, "I just had the best blow job I have ever had in my entire life, and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me."
The bride waits at the other end of the aisle with a huge smile on her face. Her maid of honor asks, "Why do you look so excited?"
The bride replies, "I just gave the last blow job of my entire life."
How is a man like a gun?
Keep one around long enough, and you’ll definitely want to shoot him.
Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners? So men can understand them. Why did God create man before woman? Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.
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