What did the elephant say to the naked man? "How do you breathe through that tiny thing?"
What kind of man can you actually change?
The ones still in diapers.
What's the difference between men and government bonds? Bonds mature.
What do you call a Roman soldier with a smile on his face and a piece of hair between his two front teeth? A GLAD-HE-ATE-HER
A third-grade teacher is getting to know her pupils on the first day of school.
She turns to one little girl and says, ‘And what does your daddy do?’
The girl replies, ‘Whatever Mummy tells him to.’
Why don't women blink during se*? There isn't enough time.
Why do men get their great ideas in bed? Because their plugged into a genius!
What do men and mascara have in common? They both run at the first sign of emotion.
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So she gets a divorce...
Why do only 10 percent of men make it to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be called hell.
People ask me if I wake up grumpy in the morning.
No, I say. I just bring him some coffee.
Why can't men get mad cow disease? Because they are pigs.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
What's the difference between a man and E.T.? E.T. phones home.
What is the difference between a man and a tree? One is illegal to hit with an ax.
What does a man consider a seven-course meal? A pizza and a six pack.
How can you tell when a man is well hung? When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
What does a man consider a seven-course meal? A hot dog and a six pack of beer.
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
What is all the fuss about when it comes to men and big boobs? They take alot of lip and they dont talk back.
What do you call a man who cries while he masturbates? A tearjerker.
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
What's the smartest thing a man can say? "My wife says..."
What did the elephant say to a naked man? Hey that's cute but can you breath through it?
Why shouldn’t you trust a guy who claims he “wears the pants”?
He probably lies about other stuff too.
If February is Black History Month and March is Women’s History Month, what happens the rest of the year?
Discrimination.
Why are men se*ier than women? You can't spell se*y without xy. Why are men like lawn mowers? They are difficult to get started, emit foul smells and don't work half the time!
Men: Bros before Hoes. Women: Sisters before Misters.
A woman inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted."
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
What's the best way to force a male to do sit ups? Put the remote control between his toes.
How many men does it take to tile a bathroom? Two - if you slice them very thinly.
Time waits for no man, time is obviously a woman.
How is a man like a gun?
Keep one around long enough, and you’ll definitely want to shoot him.
My boyfriend told me once that I need to be more affectionate.
Now I have two boyfriends.
What do you call a man who’s lost 95 percent of his intelligence?
Divorced.
When would you want a man's company? When he owns it.
What do you call a married man vacuuming? Doing what he's told...
What's the most common sleeping position of a man? Around. What does a penis and an ego have in common? All men have one!
How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male? All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.
What did God say after creating man? I can do so much better.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to screw in the bulb and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.
When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 % of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
Why did Dorothy get lost on her way to the Emerald City? Becuase she was being led by three boys
How do you scare a man? Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice! How is a man like a used car? Both are easy to get, cheap, and unreliable!
What's the difference between a man and a condom? Condoms have changed. They're no longer thick and insensitive!
Why shouldn’t you let a man’s mind wander?
Because it’s way too little to be out all alone.
What do you call a man with an opinion? Wrong.
How many "friendzoned" guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw.
What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it.
My husband said to me, "For our anniversary I want to go somewhere I've never been before."
So I said, "Try the kitchen!"
How does a man show that he is planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer.
Go to BabaMail
