The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Men: Bros before Hoes. Women: Sisters before Misters.
What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually SEARCH for a golf ball.
How many "friendzoned" guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw.
How is a man like a gun?
Keep one around long enough, and you’ll definitely want to shoot him.
Why do men have a hole in their penis? So their brains can get some oxygen now and then.
How can you tell if your man is happy? Who cares?
I like older men because they've gotten used to life's disappointments. Which means they're ready for me.
What’s the best way to find a truly committed man?
Visit the closest mental hospital.
A third-grade teacher is getting to know her pupils on the first day of school.
She turns to one little girl and says, ‘And what does your daddy do?’
The girl replies, ‘Whatever Mummy tells him to.’
How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
How do you drive a man crazy? A. Put a naked woman and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.
How are splinters better than a man?
Splinters are a pain, but they go away eventually.
What do you call a man who’s lost 95 percent of his intelligence?
Divorced.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to screw in the bulb and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.
Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize an egg? Because not one will stop and ask for directions.
What’s the difference between a clitoris and a golf ball?
A man will actually look for a golf ball.
How do you get a man to have the best orgasm possible?
Who cares?
What did God say after creating man? I must be able to do better than that.
Where does a mansplainer get his water?
From a well, actually.
My boyfriend told me once that I need to be more affectionate.
Now I have two boyfriends.
How do you stop a man from raping you? Throw him the remote control.
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
What did the elephant say to a naked man? Hey that's cute but can you breath through it?
What’s the definition of a perpetual bachelor?
A man who’s missed the opportunity to make a woman miserable.
Husband: "Want a quickie?"
Wife: "As opposed to what?"
The best way to get your husband to do something is to suggest he’s too old to do it.
What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it.
If a woman sleeps with 10 men she's a slut, but if a man does it… He's gay, definitely gay.
What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?
Four guys drinking Bud Light and watching a football game!
I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me, she said yes - about me taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, and doing the dishes.
What is the main difference between men and boys? Men's toys cost more.
What do you call 2 guys fighting over a slut? Tug-of-whore.
What's the difference between a man and a condom? Condoms have changed. They're no longer thick and insensitive!
Three words to ruin a man's ego... "Is it in?"
A groom waits at the altar with a huge smile on his face.
His best man asks, "Why do you look so excited?"
The groom replies, "I just had the best blow job I have ever had in my entire life, and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me."
The bride waits at the other end of the aisle with a huge smile on her face. Her maid of honor asks, "Why do you look so excited?"
The bride replies, "I just gave the last blow job of my entire life."
What do you give a man with everything? Penicillin.
What's the most common sleeping position of a man? Around. What does a penis and an ego have in common? All men have one!
Why are Men like parking spaces? The good ones are already taken!
Why can't men get mad cow disease? Because they are pigs.
When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 % of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
What do you call a handcuffed man? Trustworthy.
Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.
I just asked my husband if he remembers what today is... Scaring men is easy.
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I don't know, it's never happened.
How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."
A rockstar, a biker, and a cowboy walk into a bar... There's no punchline, it's just a fantasy of mine.
Did you hear about the new "morning after" pill for men? A. It changes their DNA.
Older women to her friend about remarrying, “When I pass away I want my husband to be so upset he has to drop out of college.”
What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
Men always miss them.
Go to BabaMail
