Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.
What kind of a car does a crazy man drive? A LOCOmotive.
Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
The US army secretly trains pigeons to help overthrow hostile foreign governments.
It’s a military coo.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
What do you call a train that sneezes? Achoo-choo train.
I know an elephant who refused to travel by train because he didn’t want to leave his trunk in the baggage car.
A railroad engineer must be sure not to lose his train of thought or he might go down the wrong track.
I know someone who tried to run away after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
Why did the train have to rush to the bathroom?
It’s been toot toot tootin all day long!
Why are the railroad tracks angry? Because people are always crossing them.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
What did the monster say when he saw a rush hour train full of passengers? Oh good! A chew chew train!
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
I tried to tell my favourite joke about trains, but it got derailed.
Why can’t the engineer be electrocuted? Because he’s not a conductor!
I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn’t trained.
How long does it take for electricity to travel the length of a 10 car train?
It all depends on the conductor.
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
Never going drinking with Train drivers again.
All they did all night was tell me to ‘chug,chug,chug,chug.’
How do you find a missing train? Follow the tracks
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road.”
How can you tell a train just went by? A. You can see it’s tracks!
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
Why do you have to wait so long for a train on Halloween? They only run a skeleton service.
I’ve been meaning to make a list of bad railroad puns…but I keep getting side tracked.
A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway. It was an ex-press train.
What is as big as a steam locomotive, but weighs nothing? Its shadow.
I just quit my job as a train driver a few weeks ago.
I can't help but feel that my life has gone off the rails since.
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
I don’t want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive