I once pranked my mom and told her that I had lyme disease
I still had a few ticks up my sleeve
How can you tell if a tree is older than your mother?
It'll be covered in grandmoss.
These aren't your mom's puns, these are your sisters puns. Tam-puns
What did James Bond’s mom say as she was giving birth?
"I’ve been expecting you, Mr. Bond."
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “It’s not working. I can’t take it any more. I’m going to my mom’s.”
I opened the fridge door, the light came on, the beer was cold. What the hell did she mean?
Does anyone know where we find the handmade Mother's Day gifts the school sends out each year?
I checked my kids' backpacks like usual but they weren't there.
My mother likes to tell people when I was little that I told her I loved her alphabet soup.
I didn’t, she just likes putting words in my mouth.
What do you call it when all your mother's sisters gather at a funeral to avenge your death?
Vigil aunties.
Kids and I are making burgers for my wife on Mother's Day....
I hope they meat her expectations
What did E.Ts mother say to him when he got home?
"Where on Earth have you been?"
What did the Indian kid say to his mother when she left India?
Mumbai
My mother's mother hit the jackpot at the BINGO!!!
She's a grammy winner!
My mom told me to stop singing "Im a Believer" because it was annoying.
At first I though she was kidding...Then I saw her face.
What did the young Toyota say to his mother when she asked what he wanted for dinner?
Taco ma
Ignore your mother's bad joke, son...
It's a faux pa.
Children with only a mother make horrible programmers
Theres always missing parent.
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
I got down on one knee and asked her if she'd be the mother to my kids, she said yes...
Guess who's gonna find a bunch of losers in a box tomorrow morning at their doorstep.
My mother's mother lost her false teeth at the retirement home. We searched the place everywhere but couldn't find them.
We looked in every nook and granny!
A mother mountain says to her moody teenage mountain “don’t you give me that altitude!!”
Its hard being a teenage mother
Especially when you're a teenage male.
A child was bored out of his mind. His mother told him that they are going to the laundry mat and the child said "that is the most boring place on earth."
Then the mother said, "Come on, it will be loads of fun."
What holiday do we celebrate in May to remember all the mothers we lost in the past year?
Momorial Day
My mom said I have no sense of direction
So I packed my bags and right
My wife showed me two of her mother’s quilts and asked me which one I preferred.
I said, “I refuse to make blanket statements.”
I was talking to my friend and he asked me, “As a young boy was your mom strict with you?” I told him, “To be honest,...
“...my mother was never a young boy.”