What is a car’s preferred mobile phone brand?
No-Kia.
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire
Which car does the Mensa student drive?
A Smart car.
What is the car dealership in Star Wars called?
The Mazda-lorian
What do cars play at the weekend?
Golf.
My wife said she saved $5 by not taking a bus and walking home
I said, you could've saved a $20 by not taking a cab instead
What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck!
What should you wear before driving?
The correct gear.
What is a car’s favourite job?
Caretaker.
What happened when the cargo ship full of books sank?
It caused a title wave!
What happens when a frogs car breaks down?
It has to be toad away.
I watched, horrified as two trucks carrying cheese crashed into each other. De brie was all over the road.
Which films is the car’s favourite?
WiperBlade 1, 2 and Trinity.
In Mexico, truck drivers always keep a wheel of cheese in their cabs. Apparently this is in queso emergencies.
I heard they’re remaking one of the Lord of the Rings movies, but everyone rides around on bicycles instead of horses.
They’re calling it The Two Tires
What is a car’s preferred TV program?
The Driving Dead.
What is a car’s favourite fashion accessory?
A clutch bag.
Driving a truck carrying cutlery is easy – as soon as you see the fork in the road, you know you’re there.
I joined the French Submarine Corps to learn how to deal with the loss of a loved one.
They taught me periscoping techniques.
Why could the Italian Chef not unlock his car?
He had Gnocchi.
The navy is now taking dogs along on their submarines
They're subwoofers
What the motto of a Boy Scout who got a badge for fixing a bicycle horn?
Beep Repaired!
What should you do if a car is annoying you.
Give the car a head rest.
What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
Carlos.
I told my boyfriend I'd missed the bus.
He asked me what I was trying to hit it with.
What do you call a thriller movie involving cars?
Suspension movie.
I was midway between the bow and the stern of my 120 foot yacht when suddenly I was surrounded by submarines that just surfaced...
I was amidship man.
What do you call a dog in a submarine?
A subwoofer.
I have a buddy who was recently hit by a bus, while promoting pedestrian safety.The surgeons had to replace all the joints in his left leg with metal.
I think it's safe to say he can appreciate the iron knee
Is the city bus running on time? No, it’s running on diesel.
Read a story about two people who stole cars driving into each other.
Must have been Bonnie and Collide
Why do you only drive automatics?
‘I could never find a manual.’
Why did the bus driver eat a burger? He wanted to 'bus-t' his energy!
What do cars have on toast.
Butter and traffic jam.
A truck carrying thesauruses crashed on a motorway near my house. All the onlookers were startled, shocked, amazed, speechless and dumbfounded.
How is the submarine doing at school?
It's below c-level
Tesla just announced they’ll be including a bottle of their new cologne now with every car sold
It’s called Elon’s Musk
I have to pay for a bus ticket?
I guess it's only fare
What is a car’s favourite element?
Carbon.
BREAKING: The United States, after mistaking it for an Iranian submarine, has struck a utility submarine with an underwater torpedo that was en route to displace the shipping carrier blocking the Suez Canal, killing all 169 aboard
whoops wrong sub
How does a flower propel a bicycle?
It petals!
Truck drivers have a great way of settling disputes – they only use their horns. It’s known as a fight to the deaf.
If a police officer pulls a U-Haul truck over...
did he just bust a move?
A slat spreading truck knocked me off my bike last year. I yelled “You idiot!” through gritted teeth.
I hopped on the bus yesterday afternoon. After a few minutes, the driver asked me to sit down like everyone else
I tried driving a truck with a trailer that was attached without using the proper equipment.
It went off without a hitch.
What do the Scottish cars wear as hats?
Flat-caps.
I rode my bike so much, I had to put a new set of wheels on it. I was about to put a third set on it, but the old bike didn’t work anymore. which is understandable. The bike was already retired.
Why did the bus driver go to jail? He was 'wheely' breaking the law!
BREAKING NEWS: Vietnam accidentally sank its own submarine killing all 350 on board
Whoops, wrong sub.
Have you heard about Amazon’s plan to make intercontinental shipments using electric submarine drones?
They’re projecting a large increase in e-fish-in-sea.