What type of real estate transactions do dwarves prefer?
Short sales.
My real estate agent lied. He said my house had a 1,000 carpet area, but I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there...
What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.
Why do realtors love skateboards?
Because they can flip them whenever they want!
Why did the realtor buy his home right beside a porta-potty?
Because it was a leakfront property!
What are the three things most important to bats about their local real estate?
Echolocation. Echolocation. Echolocation.
Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.
The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize.
What did the realtor say to his wife?
"Speaking with you felt like buying a house for the first time - thrilling and nervous."
Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
It had a window-pane.
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with, "Hey bro, house it going?"
What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?
“For Lease Navidad.”
Why do realtors not buy houses near stables?
Because they will always be worried about their next-door neigh-bors!
A brand new real estate agent walks into a Realtor’s office for their interview. “It says here you quit your last job selling duct tape after only three months,” the Realtor asked. “Why did you quit?” “I just couldn’t stick with it,” they responded.
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
Never bet on real estate. The house always wins.
Why is it a bad idea to pick a fight with a real estate agent?
They can flip houses whenever they want!
How many realtors are needed to change a bulb?
Five. One to change, and four others to say they would have done it for a lower price.
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
Why was a realtor amused by solving a house jigsaw puzzle in just five weeks?
The box read for 10-14 years!
Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
What’s that feeling you get every month when the mortgage is due?
Homesick.
Which Led Zeppelin song do realtors love most?
“A Whole Lot Of Love.”
Why do people take an instant dislike to real estate agents?
To save time.
How does a dual agent sleep?
Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
A realtor is passing out information for a house as potential buyers are walking in at an open house. A guy says, “Hey, can I see one of those pamphlets?”
The realtor replies, “Brochure.”
The last buyer I worked with wasn’t that bright.
When I handed him an exclusive buyer agreement that said “sign here” at the bottom, instead of signing his name, he just wrote “Capricorn.”
Did you hear about the final remaining unit in the apartment building?
It was last but not leased.
The real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive that only cats can afford it.
You need nine lives to pay it off.
Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!