“When I’m under stress, I do yoga. It’s when I’m happiest that I have a problem with junk food.” — Britney Spears
“I thought about losing weight once, but I don’t like losing.”
― Unknown
"Run like hell and get the agony over with."
Clarence DeMar
“A dog desires affection more than its dinner. Well—almost.”—Charlotte Gray
“You should see my corgis at sunset in the snow. It’s their finest hour. About five o’clock they glow like copper. Then they come in and lie in front of the fire like a string of sausages.”
– Tasha Tudor
“Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences.” — Isadora Duncan
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon." - Doug Larson
“I like tea and yoga, but I don’t do yoga.” – Moby
“If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.”
Ace Ventura (Jim Carrey)
"The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him." — Oscar Wilde
“I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said, ‘Not yet, but we placed an ad.’”
- Dana Snow.
"I love when my kids tells me they’re bored. As if the lady standing in front of a full sink of dirty dishes is where you go to get ideas about how to have a good time." – Unknown
“Friends are people who know you really well and like you anyway.”
— Greg Tamblyn
“Sleeping bags are the most soft tacos of the bear’s world.”
“I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.”
― Unknown
"Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to go shopping." ~ Bo Derek
“Women prefer men who have something tender about them – especially the legal kind." ~Kay Ingram
“Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring: ‘How to Build a Boat.’”
Steven Wright
“Every generation revolts against its fathers and makes friends with its grandfathers.”—Lewis Mumford
"In some families, 'please' is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was 'sorry.'" - Margaret Laurence
“All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.” —Alexander Woollcott
"A vacation frequently means that the family goes away for a rest, accompanied by a mother who sees that the others get it."
— Marcelene Cox
"The dumbest people I know are those who Know It All."
– Malcolm Forbes
"There are two ways of waking up in the morning. One is to say, 'Good morning, God,' and the other is to say, 'Good God, morning'!"
– Fulton J. Sheen.
“Yoga is 99% waste removal” — T.K.V Desikachar
“I celebrated Thanksgiving the old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.” —Jon Stewart
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
“Someone should enact a holiday that honors all people who turn up for work on Mondays.”
Laughter is the best medicine – unless you're diabetic, then insulin comes pretty high on the list.
Jasper Carrott
“Good weather all week, but come the weekend, and the weather stinks. When the weather is too hot, they complain; too cold, they complain; and when it’s just right, they’re watching TV.”
— Rita Rudner
"True friends don’t judge each other. They judge other people together."
— Emilie Saint-Genis
“This is the first year I’m not going to Fiji because of COVID-19. Normally, I do not go because I am poor.”
— Brooke Miller
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
Douglas Adams
"I hate mornings, they start so early."
— Janet Evanovich
"Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener."
- Pauline Thomason
"A guy knows he's in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days." Tim Allen
“Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.”
Anthony Burgess
"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people."
— Orson Welles
“The great advantage of living in a large family is that early lesson of life’s essential unfairness.”
- Nancy Mitford
“I’m looking forward to seeing pie this Thanksgiving more than members of my own family.” —Damien Fahey
"Love is being stupid together." - Paul Valery
“Marriage is not just spiritual communion; it is also remembering to take out the trash.”—Joyce Brothers
“As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.”
Sir Norman Wisdom
"I love those days when my only decision is whether to go to the beach in the morning or in the afternoon."
“It’s a bit unnerving That doctors call what they do practice.”
Unknown
"Gray hair is God’s graffiti." – Bill Cosby
“A well-trained dog will make no attempt to share your lunch. He will just make you feel so guilty that you cannot enjoy it.”—Helen Thomson
“Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is the bicycle repair kit.”- Billy Connolly
“It’s funny how your parents tell you it’s their house, but as soon as something needs cleaning, it magically becomes yours too.”—Unknown
"Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-brake on."
- Maxwell Maltz
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