“The U.S. Senate is considering a bill that would tax Botox. When Botox users heard this, they were horrified. Well, I think they were horrified. It’s difficult to tell.”
— Craig Ferguson
"A tax cut to compensate for a tax increase is not a cut — it's a con."
— Tony Abbott
"An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt."
- Fred Allen
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."
- Will Rogers
“Trying to do your own taxes is like a do-it-yourself mugging.”
"I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is I could be just as proud for half of the money."
- Arthur Godfrey
“How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.”
“Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.”
— Evan Esar
"You know, gentlemen, that I do not owe any personal income tax. But nevertheless, I send a small check, now and then, to the Internal Revenue Service out of the kindness of my heart."
— David Rockefeller
"There is no worse tyranny than to force a man to pay for what he does not want merely because you think it would be good for him."
- Robert A. Heinlein
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
- Albert Einstein
“The Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.”
– George Bernard Shaw
"Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose more money than any single person in your life with the possible exception of your kids."
― Harvey Mackay
"Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages."
- H. L. Mencken
“They can't collect legal taxes from illegal money."
— Al Capone
"The term “tax humor” is no doubt an oxymoron to many people; to the more cynical, it is an apt description of the entire tax code."
— John F. Lekel
"There can be no taxation without misrepresentation."
— J.B. Handelsman
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
"You don't pay taxes ― they take taxes."
― Chris Rock
“For every tax problem, there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong.”
"The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing."
- Jean-Baptiste Colbert
"Instead of taking the pants off the taxpayer it might be better to take the vest off the vested interests."
— Mark Twain
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.”
— Douglas Adams
"Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay."
- Milton Friedman
"The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin."
- Mark Twain
“It's easy to find out who is going to become a tax collector. In the nursery, give all the kids lemons. The one who squeezes it dry is going to work for the IRS.”
"The politicians say 'we' can't afford a tax cut. Maybe we can't afford the politicians."
— Steve Forbes
“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.”
— Mick Jagger
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?”
– Milton Berle
"Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of 'May Day!'?"
- Rob Knauerhase
"The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets."
- Will Rogers
"The taxpayer: that's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn't have to take a civil service examination."
- Ronald Reagan
"America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation."
- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
"Taxes grow without rain."
- Jewish Proverb
“The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them.”
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill
"I firmly believe the death tax is good for people from all walks of life all throughout our society."
— George W. Bush
"Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. "Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes." "Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person." "Well, you look like a person." "No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!"
- Lewis Black
"A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong."
— Mark Twain
"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss."
- Robert A. Heinlein
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream”
– Bill Murray
“Children may be deductible, but they are still taxing.”
"It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta."
— Dave Barry
“The tax collector must love poor people, he’s creating so many of them.”
– Bill Vaughan
"If cigarette taxes are meant to discourage smoking, wouldn’t income taxes discourage working?"
"Death, taxes, and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them."
― Margaret Mitchell
“People that cheat on their taxes truly disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 27 dependents in.”
"Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks."
- Bauvard
"The difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion is the thickness of a prison wall."
– Denis Healey
"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today."
- Herman Wouk
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