"Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag."
― Jay Leno
"I guess I think of lotteries as a tax on the mathematically challenged."
- Roger Jones
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream”
– Bill Murray
"Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages."
- H. L. Mencken
"Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks."
- Bauvard
[on filing for tax returns] "This is too difficult for a mathematician. It takes a philosopher."
- Albert Einstein
"A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done in the morning: We're government workers."
— Jay Leno
"Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose more money than any single person in your life with the possible exception of your kids."
― Harvey Mackay
“The Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.”
– George Bernard Shaw
“Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
“On my income tax 1040 it says “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check-mark about three inches away.”
– Tom Lehrer
“I put all my money into taxes. They’re the only thing that’s sure to go up!”
"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today."
- Herman Wouk
“When it comes to taxes, there are two types of people. There are those that get it done early, also known as ‘psychopaths’, and then the rest of us.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
“When there’s a single thief, it’s robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation.”
– Vanya Cohen
"Taxes grow without rain."
- Jewish Proverb
"A tax cut to compensate for a tax increase is not a cut — it's a con."
— Tony Abbott
"It is a good thing that we do not get as much government as we pay for."
- Will Rogers
“How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.”
“The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them.”
"Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of 'May Day!'?"
- Rob Knauerhase
"If you don’t drink, smoke, or drive a car, you’re a tax evader."
– Thomas S Foley
"There is no worse tyranny than to force a man to pay for what he does not want merely because you think it would be good for him."
- Robert A. Heinlein
"The politicians say 'we' can't afford a tax cut. Maybe we can't afford the politicians."
— Steve Forbes
“If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.”
– Farmer’s Almanac
“For every tax problem, there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong.”
"The term “tax humor” is no doubt an oxymoron to many people; to the more cynical, it is an apt description of the entire tax code."
— John F. Lekel
"It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta."
— Dave Barry
"You don't pay taxes ― they take taxes."
― Chris Rock
"There can be no taxation without misrepresentation."
— J.B. Handelsman
"Death, taxes, and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them."
― Margaret Mitchell
"There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income."
— Will Rogers
"Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child: “No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill
“People that cheat on their taxes truly disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 27 dependents in.”
"The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing."
- Jean-Baptiste Colbert
"The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets."
- Will Rogers
“Children may be deductible, but they are still taxing.”
“Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.”
— Evan Esar
"A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it."
- Ann Landers
"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
— Dan Quayle
"Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay."
- Milton Friedman
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."
- Will Rogers
"The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government."
- Barry Goldwater
"America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation."
- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
"I firmly believe the death tax is good for people from all walks of life all throughout our society."
— George W. Bush
"The taxpayer: that's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn't have to take a civil service examination."
- Ronald Reagan
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
“I figured out why Uncle Sam wears such a tall hat. It comes in handy when he passes it around.”
— Soupy Sales
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
- Albert Einstein