"I guess I think of lotteries as a tax on the mathematically challenged."
- Roger Jones
“It's easy to find out who is going to become a tax collector. In the nursery, give all the kids lemons. The one who squeezes it dry is going to work for the IRS.”
"There is no worse tyranny than to force a man to pay for what he does not want merely because you think it would be good for him."
- Robert A. Heinlein
"The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets."
- Will Rogers
“The Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.”
– George Bernard Shaw
"Death, taxes, and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them."
― Margaret Mitchell
"The taxpayer: that's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn't have to take a civil service examination."
- Ronald Reagan
"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss."
- Robert A. Heinlein
"Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks."
- Bauvard
"The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin."
- Mark Twain
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream”
– Bill Murray
"A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong."
— Mark Twain
“The tax collector must love poor people, he’s creating so many of them.”
– Bill Vaughan
"The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government."
- Barry Goldwater
"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
— Dan Quayle
"If you don’t drink, smoke, or drive a car, you’re a tax evader."
– Thomas S Foley
“Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?”
– Peg Bracken
"Instead of taking the pants off the taxpayer it might be better to take the vest off the vested interests."
— Mark Twain
“Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.”
— Evan Esar
"The politicians say 'we' can't afford a tax cut. Maybe we can't afford the politicians."
— Steve Forbes
"The difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion is the thickness of a prison wall."
– Denis Healey
"There can be no taxation without misrepresentation."
— J.B. Handelsman
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."
- Will Rogers
“They can't collect legal taxes from illegal money."
— Al Capone
"If cigarette taxes are meant to discourage smoking, wouldn’t income taxes discourage working?"
"Taxes grow without rain."
- Jewish Proverb
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.”
— Douglas Adams
"Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose more money than any single person in your life with the possible exception of your kids."
― Harvey Mackay
"The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having to pay an income tax."
— Thomas Dewar
"It is a good thing that we do not get as much government as we pay for."
- Will Rogers
“People that cheat on their taxes truly disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 27 dependents in.”
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill
“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.”
— Mick Jagger
"There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income."
— Will Rogers
"A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it."
- Ann Landers
"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers
"Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages."
- H. L. Mencken
"You don't pay taxes ― they take taxes."
― Chris Rock
"A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done in the morning: We're government workers."
— Jay Leno
“On my income tax 1040 it says “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check-mark about three inches away.”
– Tom Lehrer
"I firmly believe the death tax is good for people from all walks of life all throughout our society."
— George W. Bush
“I put all my money into taxes. They’re the only thing that’s sure to go up!”
"America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation."
- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
“When it comes to taxes, there are two types of people. There are those that get it done early, also known as ‘psychopaths’, and then the rest of us.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
“The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them.”
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
“How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.”
"You know, gentlemen, that I do not owe any personal income tax. But nevertheless, I send a small check, now and then, to the Internal Revenue Service out of the kindness of my heart."
— David Rockefeller
"Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag."
― Jay Leno
“Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.”
– Ronald Reagan
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