“People that cheat on their taxes truly disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 27 dependents in.”
[on filing for tax returns] "This is too difficult for a mathematician. It takes a philosopher."
- Albert Einstein
"A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it."
- Ann Landers
"A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done in the morning: We're government workers."
— Jay Leno
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream”
– Bill Murray
"If cigarette taxes are meant to discourage smoking, wouldn’t income taxes discourage working?"
"Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag."
― Jay Leno
“I put all my money into taxes. They’re the only thing that’s sure to go up!”
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
"There can be no taxation without misrepresentation."
— J.B. Handelsman
"Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages."
- H. L. Mencken
"Death, taxes, and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them."
― Margaret Mitchell
“Trying to do your own taxes is like a do-it-yourself mugging.”
“The Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.”
– George Bernard Shaw
"A tax cut to compensate for a tax increase is not a cut — it's a con."
— Tony Abbott
"The politicians say 'we' can't afford a tax cut. Maybe we can't afford the politicians."
— Steve Forbes
“Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.”
— Evan Esar
“I figured out why Uncle Sam wears such a tall hat. It comes in handy when he passes it around.”
— Soupy Sales
"The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets."
- Will Rogers
“For every tax problem, there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong.”
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?”
– Milton Berle
"It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta."
— Dave Barry
"If you don’t drink, smoke, or drive a car, you’re a tax evader."
– Thomas S Foley
"Most entrepreneurs would rather have root canal surgery without anesthesia than go through the nightmare that is tax return preparation."
— Nina Kaufman
"You know, gentlemen, that I do not owe any personal income tax. But nevertheless, I send a small check, now and then, to the Internal Revenue Service out of the kindness of my heart."
— David Rockefeller
"Taxes grow without rain."
- Jewish Proverb
"You don't pay taxes ― they take taxes."
― Chris Rock
“Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?”
– Peg Bracken
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."
- Will Rogers
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.”
— Douglas Adams
"The difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion is the thickness of a prison wall."
– Denis Healey
"I firmly believe the death tax is good for people from all walks of life all throughout our society."
— George W. Bush
“The tax collector must love poor people, he’s creating so many of them.”
– Bill Vaughan
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill
"There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income."
— Will Rogers
"The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin."
- Mark Twain
"An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt."
- Fred Allen
"I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is I could be just as proud for half of the money."
- Arthur Godfrey
"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today."
- Herman Wouk
"Instead of taking the pants off the taxpayer it might be better to take the vest off the vested interests."
— Mark Twain
“When there’s a single thief, it’s robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation.”
– Vanya Cohen
"The term “tax humor” is no doubt an oxymoron to many people; to the more cynical, it is an apt description of the entire tax code."
— John F. Lekel
“The U.S. Senate is considering a bill that would tax Botox. When Botox users heard this, they were horrified. Well, I think they were horrified. It’s difficult to tell.”
— Craig Ferguson
“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.”
— Mick Jagger
"Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child: “No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss."
- Robert A. Heinlein
"There is no worse tyranny than to force a man to pay for what he does not want merely because you think it would be good for him."
- Robert A. Heinlein
"The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having to pay an income tax."
— Thomas Dewar
“Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
"Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks."
- Bauvard
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