"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.”
- George Bernard Shaw
“Grandmas don’t just say “that’s nice”—they reel back and roll their eyes and throw up their hands and smile. You get your money’s worth out of grandmas.”—Unknown
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
“What strange creatures brothers are!”—Jane Austen
“One would be in less danger, from the wiles of the stranger, if one’s own kin and kith, were more fun to be with.”
- Ogden Nash
“Family is a blessing. Just keep saying that when you are irritated by something a family member says.”
- Marcelina Hardy
“The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.”—Sam Levenson
“I don’t have to look up my family tree, because I know that I’m the sap.”—Fred Allen
“There is no worse parent than an unhappy parent!”
― Rossana Condoleo
“Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back.”
- Earl Wilson.
“I love playing a dad. It’s hard to find family dramas that are genuinely funny.”
- Peter Gallagher
“Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.”
- Martin Mull.
"If you don't believe in ghosts, you've never been to a family reunion." - Ashleigh Brilliant
“Family is just accident...They don’t mean to get on your nerves. They don’t even mean to be your family, they just are.”
- Marsha Norman
“I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.”
- Rodney Dangerfield
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”
- Wayne H
“Mother-daughter disagreements were, in hindsight, basically mother stating the truth and daughter taking her own sweet time coming around.”—Barbara Delinsky
“My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.”—Spike Milligan
“My friends and family always thought I was pretty funny, but I don’t know if they thought I was get-my-own-show funny.”
- Nick Kroll
"Families are like fudge ... mostly sweet with a few nuts." - Unknown
“I know family comes first, but shouldn’t that mean after breakfast?”
- Jeff Lindsay.
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell“Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.”
- Gracie Allen
“It was nice growing up with someone like you—someone to lean on, someone to count on…someone to tell on!”—Unknown
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
“Grandparents are there to help the child get into mischief they haven’t thought of yet.”—Gene Perret
“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”—Buddy Hackett
“Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.”
- Douglas Adams.
“Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.”
- Jerry Seinfeld
“Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.”
- Cary Grant.
“Your basic extended family today includes your ex-husband or ex-wife, your ex’s new mate, your new mate, possibly your new mate’s ex and any new mate that your new mate’s ex has acquired.”
- Delia Ephron
"In some families, 'please' is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was 'sorry.'" - Margaret Laurence
“Siblings that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something.”—Lemony Snicket, Horseradish
"A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold." - Ogden Nash
“If your family tree does not fork, you might be a redneck.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
“Older siblings: the only people who will pick on you for their own entertainment and beat up anyone else who tries.”—Unknown
“I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on.”
- Ugo Betti
“You can kid the world, but not your sister.”—Charlotte Gray
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them." - George Bernard Shaw
“Every generation revolts against its fathers and makes friends with its grandfathers.”—Lewis Mumford
“Never let an angry sister comb your hair.”
- Patricia McCann
"In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat." - Anna Quindlen
“Family ties mean that no matter how much you might want to run from your family, you can’t.”—Unknown
“It’s not easy being a mom. If it were easy, fathers would do it.”—Betty White
“Sisters never quite forgive each other for what happened when they were five.”—Pam Brown
“As I learned from growing up, you don’t mess with your grandmother.”—Prince William
“A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.”—Ogden Nash
“The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.”
- Robert Brault
“Have you ever noticed how parents can go from the most wonderful people in the world to totally embarrassing in three seconds?”—Rick Riordan, The Red Pyramid
“Parents must get across the idea that “I love you always, but sometimes I do not love your behavior.”—Amy Vanderbilt
“The more you’re loving and understanding, the more your kids will sing.”
- Maxime Lagacé