"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.”
- George Bernard Shaw
“If minutes were kept of a family gathering, they would show that “Members not Present” and “Subjects Discussed” were one and the same.”
- Robert Brault
“I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on.”
- Ugo Betti
“Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.”
- Douglas Adams.
“A mother becomes a true grandmother the day she stops noticing the terrible things her children do because she is so enchanted with the wonderful things her grandchildren do.”—Lois Wyse
“Respect your parents. These guys pay for your internet.”—Unknown
“Family is just accident...They don’t mean to get on your nerves. They don’t even mean to be your family, they just are.”
- Marsha Norman
“In a household of toddlers and pets, we discover this rule of thumb about happy families, that they are least two-thirds incontinent.”
- Robert Brault.
“My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.”—Spike Milligan
“To a small child, the perfect grandad is unafraid of big dogs and fierce storms but absolutely terrified of the word “boo”.—Robert Breault
“I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.”
- Rodney Dangerfield
“If you don’t annoy your big sister for no good reason from time to time, she thinks you don’t love her anymore.”—Pearl Cleage
“You can kid the world, but not your sister.”—Charlotte Gray
“Teach your kids to spend more time annoying each other so they have less time to spend annoying you.”—Unknown
“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”—Buddy Hackett
“Children really can brighten up a house, because they never turn the lights off.”
- Ralph Bus.
“My dad used to say, ‘Always fight fire with fire.’ Which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.”—Harry Hill
“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”
- Erma Bombeck
"Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space." - Evan Esar
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”
- Rodney Dangerfield.
“My friends and family always thought I was pretty funny, but I don’t know if they thought I was get-my-own-show funny.”
- Nick Kroll
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell“Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.”
- Gracie Allen
“Have you ever noticed how parents can go from the most wonderful people in the world to totally embarrassing in three seconds?”—Rick Riordan, The Red Pyramid
“There is no worse parent than an unhappy parent!”
― Rossana Condoleo
“Sisters never quite forgive each other for what happened when they were five.”—Pam Brown
“Parents must get across the idea that “I love you always, but sometimes I do not love your behavior.”—Amy Vanderbilt
“Being part of a family means smiling for photos.” –Harry Morgan
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
"If you don't believe in ghosts, you've never been to a family reunion." - Ashleigh Brilliant
“Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back.”
- Earl Wilson.
“Every generation revolts against its fathers and makes friends with its grandfathers.”—Lewis Mumford
“As I learned from growing up, you don’t mess with your grandmother.”—Prince William
“I think a dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it.”
- Mary Karr
“If your family tree does not fork, you might be a redneck.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
“Grandmas don’t just say “that’s nice”—they reel back and roll their eyes and throw up their hands and smile. You get your money’s worth out of grandmas.”—Unknown
“Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.”
- Cary Grant.
“The best babysitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida.”—Dave Barry
“Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.”
- Martin Mull.
“Never let an angry sister comb your hair.”
- Patricia McCann
“The more you’re loving and understanding, the more your kids will sing.”
- Maxime Lagacé
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”—Henny Youngman
“Grandparents are there to help the child get into mischief they haven’t thought of yet.”—Gene Perret
“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”—George Burns
“A man’s womenfolk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity.”
- H. L. Mencken.
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”
- Wayne H
“As a child, my family’s menu consisted of two choices take it or leave it.”
- Buddy Hacket
“From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.”
- Jarod Kintz
“Older siblings: the only people who will pick on you for their own entertainment and beat up anyone else who tries.”—Unknown
“What brothers say to tease their sisters has nothing to do with what they really think of them.”—Esther Friesner
“Siblings that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something.”—Lemony Snicket, Horseradish
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