“It’s funny how your parents tell you it’s their house, but as soon as something needs cleaning, it magically becomes yours too.”—Unknown
“Never let an angry sister comb your hair.”
- Patricia McCann
“The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.”—George Carlin
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell“Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.”
- Gracie Allen
“When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.”
- Emo Phillips.
“Older siblings: the only people who will pick on you for their own entertainment and beat up anyone else who tries.”—Unknown
“The great advantage of living in a large family is that early lesson of life’s essential unfairness.”
- Nancy Mitford
“Mother-daughter disagreements were, in hindsight, basically mother stating the truth and daughter taking her own sweet time coming around.”—Barbara Delinsky
“Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.”
- Sam Levenson
“In a household of toddlers and pets, we discover this rule of thumb about happy families, that they are least two-thirds incontinent.”
- Robert Brault.
“The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.”
- Robert Brault
“The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it.”
- Erma Bombeck.
“Family ties mean that no matter how much you might want to run from your family, you can’t.”—Unknown
“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance—waiting for the bathroom.”—Bob Hope
“Your basic extended family today includes your ex-husband or ex-wife, your ex’s new mate, your new mate, possibly your new mate’s ex and any new mate that your new mate’s ex has acquired.”
- Delia Ephron
“Everyone knows that if you’ve got a brother, you’re going to fight.”—Liam Gallagher
“Have you ever noticed how parents can go from the most wonderful people in the world to totally embarrassing in three seconds?”—Rick Riordan, The Red Pyramid
“Every generation revolts against its fathers and makes friends with its grandfathers.”—Lewis Mumford
“The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.”—Sam Levenson
"If you don't believe in ghosts, you've never been to a family reunion." - Ashleigh Brilliant
“As I learned from growing up, you don’t mess with your grandmother.”—Prince William
“Being part of a family means smiling for photos.” –Harry Morgan
“Teach your kids to spend more time annoying each other so they have less time to spend annoying you.”—Unknown
“If you don’t annoy your big sister for no good reason from time to time, she thinks you don’t love her anymore.”—Pearl Cleage
“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”—Buddy Hackett
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”
- Wayne H
“From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.”
- Jarod Kintz
“As a child, my family’s menu consisted of two choices take it or leave it.”
- Buddy Hacket
"A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold." - Ogden Nash
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them." - George Bernard Shaw
“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.”—Chelsea Handler
“I know family comes first, but shouldn’t that mean after breakfast?”
- Jeff Lindsay.
"The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended and not to take a hint when a hint isn’t intended.”
- Robert Fros
“It’s especially hard to admit that you made a mistake to your parents, because, of course, you know so much more than they do.”—Sean Covey, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”—Phyllis Diller
"In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat." - Anna Quindlen
“Sisters never quite forgive each other for what happened when they were five.”—Pam Brown
“Siblings that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something.”—Lemony Snicket, Horseradish
“You can kid the world, but not your sister.”—Charlotte Gray
“Grandmas don’t just say “that’s nice”—they reel back and roll their eyes and throw up their hands and smile. You get your money’s worth out of grandmas.”—Unknown
“Every family is dysfunctional, whether you want to admit it or not.”
- Shailene Woodley.
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.”
- George Bernard Shaw
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”
- Rodney Dangerfield.
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”—Wayne Huizenga
“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”—George Burns
“Family life is a bit like a runny peach pie, not perfect but who’s complaining?”
- Robert Brault.
"Families are like fudge ... mostly sweet with a few nuts." - Unknown
“I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on.”
- Ugo Betti
“My family is really boring. They have a coffee table book called Pictures We Took Just to Use Up the Rest of the Film.”
- Penelope Lombard.
“In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat.”
- Anna Quindlen
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