“I think a dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it.”
- Mary Karr
“The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.”
- Robert Brault
“Older siblings: the only people who will pick on you for their own entertainment and beat up anyone else who tries.”—Unknown
“My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.”—Spike Milligan
“In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat.”
- Anna Quindlen
“Your basic extended family today includes your ex-husband or ex-wife, your ex’s new mate, your new mate, possibly your new mate’s ex and any new mate that your new mate’s ex has acquired.”
- Delia Ephron
“A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.”—Ogden Nash
“The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.”—George Carlin
“Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back.”
- Earl Wilson.
“Respect your parents. These guys pay for your internet.”—Unknown
“Grandparents are there to help the child get into mischief they haven’t thought of yet.”—Gene Perret
“Have you ever noticed how parents can go from the most wonderful people in the world to totally embarrassing in three seconds?”—Rick Riordan, The Red Pyramid
“Every generation revolts against its fathers and makes friends with its grandfathers.”—Lewis Mumford
“Never let an angry sister comb your hair.”
- Patricia McCann
"If you don't believe in ghosts, you've never been to a family reunion." - Ashleigh Brilliant
“One would be in less danger, from the wiles of the stranger, if one’s own kin and kith, were more fun to be with.”
- Ogden Nash
“Children really can brighten up a house, because they never turn the lights off.”
- Ralph Bus.
“I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on.”
- Ugo Betti
"In some families, 'please' is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was 'sorry.'" - Margaret Laurence
“Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.”
- Martin Mull.
“Everyone knows that if you’ve got a brother, you’re going to fight.”—Liam Gallagher
“It was nice growing up with someone like you—someone to lean on, someone to count on…someone to tell on!”—Unknown
“It’s not easy being a mom. If it were easy, fathers would do it.”—Betty White
“Every family is dysfunctional, whether you want to admit it or not.”
- Shailene Woodley.
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell“Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.”
- Gracie Allen
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”
- Rodney Dangerfield.
"The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended and not to take a hint when a hint isn’t intended.”
- Robert Fros
“To a small child, the perfect grandad is unafraid of big dogs and fierce storms but absolutely terrified of the word “boo”.—Robert Breault
“Being part of a family means smiling for photos.” –Harry Morgan
“A man’s womenfolk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity.”
- H. L. Mencken.
“What strange creatures brothers are!”—Jane Austen
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”
- Erma Bombeck
“It’s especially hard to admit that you made a mistake to your parents, because, of course, you know so much more than they do.”—Sean Covey, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens
“When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.”
- Emo Phillips.
"A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold." - Ogden Nash
“Teach your kids to spend more time annoying each other so they have less time to spend annoying you.”—Unknown
“In a household of toddlers and pets, we discover this rule of thumb about happy families, that they are least two-thirds incontinent.”
- Robert Brault.
"In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat." - Anna Quindlen
“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance—waiting for the bathroom.”—Bob Hope
“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now, and we don’t know where the heck she is.”—Ellen DeGeneres
“The great advantage of living in a large family is that early lesson of life’s essential unfairness.”
- Nancy Mitford
“As a child, my family’s menu consisted of two choices take it or leave it.”
- Buddy Hacket
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”—Henny Youngman
“Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.”
- Sam Levenson
“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”—George Bernard Shaw
“Sisters never quite forgive each other for what happened when they were five.”—Pam Brown
“If your family tree does not fork, you might be a redneck.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
“What brothers say to tease their sisters has nothing to do with what they really think of them.”—Esther Friesner
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.”
- George Bernard Shaw
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