"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
“Grandmas don’t just say “that’s nice”—they reel back and roll their eyes and throw up their hands and smile. You get your money’s worth out of grandmas.”—Unknown
"In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat." - Anna Quindlen
“The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.”—Sam Levenson
“My family is really boring. They have a coffee table book called Pictures We Took Just to Use Up the Rest of the Film.”
- Penelope Lombard.
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
“Family life is a bit like a runny peach pie, not perfect but who’s complaining?”
- Robert Brault.
“Never let an angry sister comb your hair.”
- Patricia McCann
“Your basic extended family today includes your ex-husband or ex-wife, your ex’s new mate, your new mate, possibly your new mate’s ex and any new mate that your new mate’s ex has acquired.”
- Delia Ephron
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.”
- George Bernard Shaw
“Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.”
- Martin Mull.
“When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.”
- Emo Phillips.
“Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern…like bad wallpaper.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche.
“Every generation revolts against its fathers and makes friends with its grandfathers.”—Lewis Mumford
“From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.”
- Jarod Kintz
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”
- Rodney Dangerfield.
“Teach your kids to spend more time annoying each other so they have less time to spend annoying you.”—Unknown
“In a household of toddlers and pets, we discover this rule of thumb about happy families, that they are least two-thirds incontinent.”
- Robert Brault.
“In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat.”
- Anna Quindlen
“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.”—Chelsea Handler
“Mother-daughter disagreements were, in hindsight, basically mother stating the truth and daughter taking her own sweet time coming around.”—Barbara Delinsky
“Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.”
- Sam Levenson
“To a small child, the perfect grandad is unafraid of big dogs and fierce storms but absolutely terrified of the word “boo”.—Robert Breault
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell“Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.”
- Gracie Allen
“It’s especially hard to admit that you made a mistake to your parents, because, of course, you know so much more than they do.”—Sean Covey, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens
“Siblings that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something.”—Lemony Snicket, Horseradish
“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance—waiting for the bathroom.”—Bob Hope
“My friends and family always thought I was pretty funny, but I don’t know if they thought I was get-my-own-show funny.”
- Nick Kroll
“Older siblings: the only people who will pick on you for their own entertainment and beat up anyone else who tries.”—Unknown
“Being part of a family means smiling for photos.” –Harry Morgan
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”—Wayne Huizenga
“My dad used to say, ‘Always fight fire with fire.’ Which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.”—Harry Hill
“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”
- Erma Bombeck
"The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended and not to take a hint when a hint isn’t intended.”
- Robert Fros
“The more you’re loving and understanding, the more your kids will sing.”
- Maxime Lagacé
“If you don’t annoy your big sister for no good reason from time to time, she thinks you don’t love her anymore.”—Pearl Cleage
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”
- Wayne H
“If your family tree does not fork, you might be a redneck.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
“Grandparents are there to help the child get into mischief they haven’t thought of yet.”—Gene Perret
“The best babysitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida.”—Dave Barry
“The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.”
- Robert Brault
“Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.”
- Douglas Adams.
“There is no worse parent than an unhappy parent!”
― Rossana Condoleo
“I think a dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it.”
- Mary Karr
“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”—Buddy Hackett
“Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.”
- Cary Grant.
“Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back.”
- Earl Wilson.
“Family ties mean that no matter how much you might want to run from your family, you can’t.”—Unknown
“It’s not easy being a mom. If it were easy, fathers would do it.”—Betty White
“Family is just accident...They don’t mean to get on your nerves. They don’t even mean to be your family, they just are.”
- Marsha Norman
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