“In a household of toddlers and pets, we discover this rule of thumb about happy families, that they are least two-thirds incontinent.”
- Robert Brault.
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them." - George Bernard Shaw
“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance—waiting for the bathroom.”—Bob Hope
“Grandparents are there to help the child get into mischief they haven’t thought of yet.”—Gene Perret
"The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended and not to take a hint when a hint isn’t intended.”
- Robert Fros
“It’s not easy being a mom. If it were easy, fathers would do it.”—Betty White
“Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.”
- Sam Levenson
“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now, and we don’t know where the heck she is.”—Ellen DeGeneres
“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”
- Erma Bombeck
“I love playing a dad. It’s hard to find family dramas that are genuinely funny.”
- Peter Gallagher
“Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back.”
- Earl Wilson.
“If your family tree does not fork, you might be a redneck.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”
- Rodney Dangerfield.
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”
- Wayne H
“Family life is a bit like a runny peach pie, not perfect but who’s complaining?”
- Robert Brault.
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.”
- George Bernard Shaw
“I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on.”
- Ugo Betti
“Being part of a family means smiling for photos.” –Harry Morgan
“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.”—Chelsea Handler
“I realized my family was funny because nobody ever wanted to leave our house.”
- Anthony Anderson
“Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.”
- Martin Mull.
“As I learned from growing up, you don’t mess with your grandmother.”—Prince William
“There is no worse parent than an unhappy parent!”
― Rossana Condoleo
“Never let an angry sister comb your hair.”
- Patricia McCann
“Family is just accident...They don’t mean to get on your nerves. They don’t even mean to be your family, they just are.”
- Marsha Norman
“It was nice growing up with someone like you—someone to lean on, someone to count on…someone to tell on!”—Unknown
“Teach your kids to spend more time annoying each other so they have less time to spend annoying you.”—Unknown
“The best babysitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida.”—Dave Barry
“The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it.”
- Erma Bombeck.
“When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.”
- Emo Phillips.
“I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.”
- Rodney Dangerfield
“What strange creatures brothers are!”—Jane Austen
“Have you ever noticed how parents can go from the most wonderful people in the world to totally embarrassing in three seconds?”—Rick Riordan, The Red Pyramid
“Every family is dysfunctional, whether you want to admit it or not.”
- Shailene Woodley.
“Every generation revolts against its fathers and makes friends with its grandfathers.”—Lewis Mumford
“The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.”—Sam Levenson
“Parents must get across the idea that “I love you always, but sometimes I do not love your behavior.”—Amy Vanderbilt
“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”—George Bernard Shaw
“Respect your parents. These guys pay for your internet.”—Unknown
“If you don’t annoy your big sister for no good reason from time to time, she thinks you don’t love her anymore.”—Pearl Cleage
“What brothers say to tease their sisters has nothing to do with what they really think of them.”—Esther Friesner
“My family is really boring. They have a coffee table book called Pictures We Took Just to Use Up the Rest of the Film.”
- Penelope Lombard.
“From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.”
- Jarod Kintz
"Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space." - Evan Esar
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”—Wayne Huizenga
“To a small child, the perfect grandad is unafraid of big dogs and fierce storms but absolutely terrified of the word “boo”.—Robert Breault
"Families are like fudge ... mostly sweet with a few nuts." - Unknown
“Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.”
- Cary Grant.
“It’s especially hard to admit that you made a mistake to your parents, because, of course, you know so much more than they do.”—Sean Covey, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens
“Everyone knows that if you’ve got a brother, you’re going to fight.”—Liam Gallagher
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