“Waking your kids up for school the first day after a break is almost as much fun as birthing them was.” - Jenny McCarthy
"I despise the lottery. There’s less chance of you becoming a millionaire than there is of getting hit by a passing asteroid." ~ Unknown
“Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man’s lifetime income – which he then spends sending his son to college.” — Bill Vaughn
“If women didn’t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning." ~Aristotle Onassis
"I put a dollar in one of those changed machines. Nothing changed." ~ George Carlin
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
“What’s your favorite childhood memory? Not paying bills.” – Anonymous
"The safe way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your pocket." ~ Kin Hubbard
“When people ask me if I have any spare change, I tell them I have it at home in my spare wallet.”-Nick Arnette
“It doesn’t matter if you’re black or white… the only color that really matters is green.” – Family Guy
“Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.” — Steven Wright
“Money is the opposite of the weather. Nobody talks about it, but everybody does something about it.” – Rebecca Johnson
“You should always live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.”- Josh Billings
“It’s money. I remember it from when I was single.” – Billy Crystal
“If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at the people he gave it to.” —Dorothy Parker
“The economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on weather forecasters." ~Jean-Paul Kauffmann
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.” Douglas Adams.
“The best way you hurt rich people is by turning them into poor people” – Billy Ray Valentine (Eddie Murphy) Trading Places
"They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it." ~ Joseph Addison
"I’m so poor I can’t pay attention." ~ Ron Kittle
“What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin” –Mark Twain
"Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due." ~Author Unknown
“Money’s only something you need in case you don’t die tomorrow.” – Carl Fox (Martin Sheen)Wall Street
“Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy you the kind of misery you prefer." ~Author Unknown
“I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too.” – Steve Martin
"I’ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not." ~ Fran Lebowitz
"Ah, yes, divorce… A Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet." ~ Robin Williams
“Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most.” —Addison H. Hallock
“Money is like manure. You have to spread it around or it smells." ~J. Paul Getty
"Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to go shopping." ~ Bo Derek
“I owe much; I have nothing; the rest I leave to the poor.” - Francois Rebelais
“The poor have more children, but the rich have more relatives.” – Unknown
“No matter how hard you hug your money, it never hugs back.” — H. Jackson Brown Jr.
“When I was young I thought money was the most important thing in life; now that I’m old, I know it is." ~ Oscar Wilde
“I’m tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.” — Shaquille O’Neal
“If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys” – James Goldsmith
“They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous
“Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money.” – Robin Williams
“I made my money the old-fashioned way. I was very nice to a wealthy relative right before he died” — Malcolm Forbes
"Money doesn’t change you. It reveals who you are when you no longer have to be nice." ~ Tim Ferriss
“If there is anyone to whom I owe money, I’m prepared to forget it if they are.” - Errol Flynn
“What’s worth doing is worth doing for money.” –Gordon Gekko (Michael Douglas) Wall Street
“October: This is one of the particularly dangerous months to invest in stocks. Other dangerous months are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.” Mark Twain
"Most people work just hard enough to not get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit." ~ George Carline
"If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars." ~ J. Paul Getty
“Money often costs too much.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like." ~ Will Smith
“Money can’t buy you happiness but it can pay for plastic surgery." ~ Joan Rivers
“A father is someone who carries pictures in his wallet where his money used to be” — unknown
"Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.” ~ Benjamin Franklin
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