“I’m stuck between “I need to save money.” and “You only live once.”” – Anonymous
“Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.” – Benjamin Franklin
“If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at the people he gave it to.” —Dorothy Parker
"I am having an out-of-money experience." ~ Anonymous
“I rob banks because that’s where the money is.” Willie Sutton.
“October: This is one of the particularly dangerous months to invest in stocks. Other dangerous months are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.” Mark Twain
“Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.” – Jackie Mason
“Money and women. They’re two of the strongest things in the world. The things you do for a woman you wouldn’t do for anything else. Same with money.” — Satchel Paige
“If you owe the bank $100 that’s your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that’s the bank’s problem.” -JP Getty.
"They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it." ~ Joseph Addison
"I’ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not." ~ Fran Lebowitz
“The best way you hurt rich people is by turning them into poor people” – Billy Ray Valentine (Eddie Murphy) Trading Places
“Someone asked me why women don’t gamble as much as men do, and I gave the commonsensical reply that we don’t have as much money. That was a true and incomplete answer. In fact, women’s total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage.” – Gloria Steinem
“I’m tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.” — Shaquille O’Neal
“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” – Bob Hope
“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” – Earl Wilson
“A father is someone who carries pictures in his wallet where his money used to be” — unknown
“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.” -Jackie Mason“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.” -Jackie Mason
“Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That’s how rich I want to be.” – Rita Rudner
“Money doesn’t solve all problems but it could solve my money problem.” – Anonymous
“Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy beer." ~ Gary Reilly
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
"I’m so poor I can’t pay attention." ~ Ron Kittle
"The safe way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your pocket." ~ Kin Hubbard
“Women prefer men who have something tender about them – especially the legal kind." ~Kay Ingram
“If there is a WILL, there are 500 relatives.” – Anonymous
“Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair." ~Sam Ewing
“Money often costs too much." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due." ~Author Unknown
“Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery." ~ Spike Milligan
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?” — Milton Berle
“I owe much; I have nothing; the rest I leave to the poor.” - Francois Rebelais
“Money is the opposite of the weather. Nobody talks about it, but everybody does something about it.” – Rebecca Johnson
“Money’s only something you need in case you don’t die tomorrow." ~ Martin Sheen
“Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with." ~From a Washington Post word contest
“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it." ~ David Lee Roth
"Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to go shopping." ~ Bo Derek
“The only reason I made a commercial for American Express was to pay for my American Express bill.” Peter Ustinov.
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller
"Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. Do you know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets." ~ Jerry Seinfeld
“Money is something you have to make in case you don’t die.” Max Asnas.
"Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like." ~ Will Smith
“I finally know what distinguishes man from other beasts: financial worries.” – Jules Renard
"I despise the lottery. There’s less chance of you becoming a millionaire than there is of getting hit by a passing asteroid." ~ Unknown
“Budget: a mathematical confirmation of your suspicions." ~A.A. Latimer
“Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy you the kind of misery you prefer." ~Author Unknown
“All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy." ~ Spike Milligan
“People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.” ~ Joan Rivers
“We live by the Golden Rule. Those who have the gold make the rules." ~Buzzie Bavasi
“If there is anyone to whom I owe money, I’m prepared to forget it if they are.” - Errol Flynn
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