“Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.”—Ogden Nash
“I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?”—Jean Illsley Clarke
“In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice which is still very much practiced.” —Helen Rowland
"Husbands are like fires - they go out when unattended." - Zsa Zsa Gabor
“Some mornings I wake up grouchy. Other mornings I just let him sleep.”—Unknown
“Just found out the wife is writing a book about our honeymoon, called ’50 Shades of Just O.K.’”—Conan O’Brien
“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.” —Will Ferrell
“Only married people can understand how you can be miserable and happy at the same time." —Chris Rock
"Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you. The right person is still going to think the sun shines out of your ass." - Mac MacGuff in Juno
“Husbands and wives are irritating. But without them, who would we blame for misplacing our socks?”—Janet Periat
“I married for love but the obvious side benefit of having someone around to find my glasses cannot be ignored.”—Cameron Esposito
"Husbands are like wine, they take a long time to mature." —Donatella in Letters to Juliet
“Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what’s more life-affirming than cold, hard cash?”—Dennis Miller
“Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should just live next door and visit now and then.”—Katherine Hepburn
“I married beneath me, all women do.”
—Nancy Astor
“I now pronounce you man and wife. You may now change your Facebook status.”—Anonymous
"Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed." — Albert Einstein
"Everyone is born equal in life, until they get married." — Anonymous
“If you love ’em in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love ’em at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love.” - Miles Davis
“No, please, don’t eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them!” - Homer Simpson
"It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass." — Rodney Dangerfield,
"After about 15 years I finally figured out that she's always right. So surprisingly we just stopped fighting after that." —Barack Obama
“What’s the best way to get your husband to remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday.” - Cindy Garner
“Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.” - Natasha Leggero
“My wife dresses to kill, she cooks the same way.” - Henry Youngman
“I’d like to publicly thank my husband [Dax Shepard] for changing half the diapers in our house. I hope he changes all of mine one day…”—Kristen Bell
“Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else in the house.” —Jean Kerr
“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”—Rita Rudner
“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” - Groucho Marx
“A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.” - Tim Allen
“Love is a lot like a backache; it doesn’t show up on X-Rays, but you know it’s there.” - George Burns
"You are a smart cookie. A wise chocolate cake. A brilliant pancake.” - Rey Woodman
“Take care of him. And make him feel important. And if you can do that, you’ll have a happy and wonderful marriage. Like two out of every ten couples.”
— Neil Simon
“Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.” —Stephen Leacock
“Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.” —Phyllis Diller
“Why do married people live longer than single people? I think it’s because married people make a special effort to live longer than their partner—just so they can have the last word.”—Janet Periat
"Because I always say, if you're married for 50 years, and 10 of them are horrible, you're doing really good!" —Michelle Obama
“She is the only evidence of God I have seen, with the exception of the mysterious force that removes one sock from the dryer every time I do my laundry.”- St Elmo's Fire
"The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him." — Oscar Wilde
“Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings … and lawyers.”—Richard Pryor
“If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.” —Aldo Cammarota
“They dream in courtship, but in wedlock wake.” — Alexander Pope
"A good marriage is where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal." - Anonymous
"A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short." — Andre Maurois
"Marriage is like a walk in the park. Jurassic Park." - Anonymous
“We were married for better or worse. I couldn’t have done better and she couldn’t have done worse.” —Henry Youngman
“I’m going to get married again because I’m more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.” - Wendy Liebman
“We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.” - Henry Youngman
“Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him.” — Marilyn Monroe
"My wife had us register for fine china, because you never know when the Pope is going to swing by and want a microwaved hot dog on a $200 plate." — Jim Gaffigan
Go to BabaMail
